Funky crockpot fire…..

I’ve been in a funk.  I’m still not been able to have the kind of talk I need to with my fiancé and my contact with my lover is down to almost nothing.  I’ve slacked off on my exercise and eating poorly.  I have started to handle my finances.  I spent 45 minutes on the phone with my cable/internet provider and got them to reduce the past due bills some, yeah!  I adjusted my package down from HD and premium channels to the bare minimum.  He knew I was adjusting things down to save money.  We didn’t talk before he sat down and turned on the TV.  He yelled out what the fuck when he saw we didn’t have HD, complaining the picture was fuzzy.  When he saw our channel selection he threw the remote.  It was a slap in the face due to our current money troubles. 

Later on in the week I spent some time over at my Mom’s house.  I didn’t take my fiancé along.  As we were chit chatting I told them about my new job.  I really like it so far.  The stocking, the playing with a little computer the challenge of getting things done quickly and correctly.  Call me a nerd but I like that stuff.  Also the stockroom is upstairs so I can get some exercise by running up and down, bonus!  As we are talking I’m looking through a crock pot cook book and marking pages.  They ask what I’m doing.  I let them know that I’m working on a meal plan for the week.  My plan is to target my shopping to save money and resolve the late day phone call from my fiancé saying asking what do I want for dinner.  He stops me and says why do you think you have to do it all.  He goes on to tell me that he can just see that once the boys are in school that I won’t put up with this anymore.  I’m thinking has he been reading my blog?  They told me they don’t mean to beat me up but they are worried about me.  We had a great night, I need to spend more time with my loving supportive family. 

I didn’t get to speak to Tom untill today (Monday).  We even were light on texting.  He was out Sunday night and I was too buried in cleaning to go out so I sent him a text.  I asked him send me something that I can think about in my dreams. I fully expected something sexual.  What he sent got me all misty.  He texted: I loved standing beside the fire looking at your eyes shining back at me.  The feeling of us being together felt perfect.  I wished that it could be that way everyday.  I know it’s silly to keep thinking about being with him.  It is just such a nice thought to be with someone like him.  It’s like a vacation for my brain.