I’m trying to hold it together. Seven more days and I’ll be in my lovers arms again. I’ve had so many crazy feelings about this. I started to feel very self conscious. I’ve been well, probably depressed lately and my energy levels are LOW. No walks, no working out, eating comfort foods. By some miracle I haven’t gained much but I can tell I’m softer, a bit more fluffy. As our meeting comes closer I’m not so worried about it.
I am having trouble with my conscience. Using my ex-fiance to take care of my boys while I make this trip is bothering me. It’s put our talks on hold. He is however in no place to go live on his own. That makes me feel a little better about leaving him in limbo and he honestly loves being with the kids and if he were to move out I don’t know if he would see them every day. Either way shortly after this trip we need to start making some movement.
On a happy note a friend sent me a toy. I now have a vibrator. I think I’ll use it once and then hold off waiting for my time with Tom. Only once if I can hold myself to that….
Anastasia013 
That sounds like a good friend!
He really is. I feel lucky to know him.
Well I can certainly understand the guilt part, but to put it in perspective, does he have any guilt for taking advantage of and treating you like shit for years? Just saying.
I know there is part of you that will always love him, I’m sure he loves the kids, but bottom line her is his presence, his example, is not good for the kids and certainly not healthy for you.
I wish you the best with the talks. Moving on isn’t easy, that goes without saying, but in this case it’s the right thing to do.
Stay strong my friend.
Getting stronger by the day. Things must move on, standing still is not fair for any of us.
Thank you
There’s nothing wrong with a few bouts of self-love until you see Tom again!
and after too!