I had come to the point where I could not imagine going day that I don’t talk to Tom. The idea of not talking for weeks or months was painful. Now not having talked to him for three whole days I’m seeing things differently. My anxious feelings are waning. I still love him and still want to be with him but maybe waiting might be OK. Yesterday he started to play some words on our scrabble games. I kept trying to send words back as fast as I could. Silly as it seems the game makes me feel like I’m in touch with him.
So, I’m still kinda slacking on my workouts but I have been climbing stairs on my lunch breaks this week. I can’t afford to go to the gym nor do I have time so on my lunch I go down town and climb 4 parking garages 2x’s. In total it’s like climbing 38 stories. I’m going to get back to my morning work out next week. It’s a 6 day a week work out plan so I feel like starting on Monday is a must here. I keep reminding myself as I get lazy not only am I doing this for my kids and myself but I’m doing it to be my best for when I can be with Tom again. Next time we are together I want to not only look better but have better endurance and flexibility. When I was riding him I wore out too quick. I want to be able to blow his mind, so as I’m climbing the stairs getting myself out of breath and slowing down I think of the endurance I’m building and how I plan to use it. We had also talked about going to a nude beach and even having sex in public or semi public (in a sex club). My heart is in it but when I picture how my body moves when we’re fucking I wonder if people will think bad things. So getting sexy is one thing. Getting my house in order is another. I’ve picked up some bad housekeeping habits while partying away my 20’s and living with a slacker. I need to turn that around. I’d hate to think if we finally do live together that I’m the problem now when it comes to housework. Plus it’s just something that has to be done period.
I used to listen to a lot of music, pouring over the lyrics and enjoying finding a new album I think is great. Life got in the way and I find myself watching more TV than listening to music. With all the new great bands Tom has turned me on to I am finding myself listening to more music and keeping the idiot box turned off. It’s refreshing and I feel like I’m getting a bit more in touch with myself. I think next I need to work on personal relationships. I need to have time outside of work and my home without my kids to be a grown-up. I’ll start on that later this month I think. So when the time is right I’ll be ready to be a great partner. Boy, can you imagine how much it would suck to change you’re whole world to be with someone and have that person let you down? Even if we don’t get to be together all this stuff is good for me and my family. If we do get to make a life together I want to do everything I can to make it amazing.
Here is the song that inspired the title to my post…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w8XLZu7nyI
Anastasia013 