Tag Archives: pain killers

Rambling about how things are going….

27 Jun

So when I got back home, there was only one little problem with my trip.  I texted my (ex)-fiance good night and he texted me back a minute later then called the minute after that.  He was very upset that I didn’t answer his call.  Honestly I put the phone down right after I sent the text.  Ringer was off.  Didn’t even know until the morning.  That didn’t go over well.  Not that I needed it to but, eh. 

Father’s day.  I’m a little tapped from my trip, but my (ex)-fiance wants a fishing licence.  My Dad would love one too.  I decide to spring for one for each of them and plan a fishing trip, picnic and the BBQ.  I let my brother know and he’s already got a licence.  I surprise them and they all feel special.  We spend the day fishing, drinking and eating.  My five year old can bait his own hook and did very well casting.  Five hours no fish caught but he’s still into it.  So proud of him.  I get some good pics of my Dad and my brother fishing together.  Me and the three year old go for a hike.  It’s a good day.  I do a really late BBQ and the kids are dirty but no bath because it’s super late. 

The next day my (ex)-fiance is sick.  Does nothing arround the house.  I come home at 6:30 to find everyone asleep and dirty, still no baths.  I make dinner and take care of things.  My ex is queezy covered in sweat, acting funny.  I remember he’s been out of pain killers for two days now.  Hmmm.  This continues…I’m asking him if he’s dope sick and he won’t consider it.  He says you kick in 48 hours it’s been longer I’m not sick.  He has a doctors appointment and misses it, too sick. 

Thursday I have the day off and want to take my boys to the fair.  My ex-fiance also wants to go but then disses the fair as shitty.  It’s not it’s smaller and cheaper that the one in our town.  The main thing is less gangsters and one price unlimited rides!  We go and have a nice time.  It’s getting late and he sees I’m cold and gives me his jacket.  He says that deserves a kiss.  I look at him like don’t make me.  He moves in and I squeeze my face up like I’m sucking a lemon.  He notices and comments on it. Sheesh, the man can’t get the drift. 

So I’m thinking this is gone on too long.  Need to lay some ground work on getting him out.  Friday our friend comes over.  He’s cool with both of us is chatting about how his brother is a crappy Dad and how good my ex-finace is with the boys.   He is good with them, it makes me think I’m being petty, shallow even.  He loves me and will never leave me but is that enough when other things aren’t right. 

Well I’ve got all this on my mind when I walk into my house Saturday after work.  He opens the door for me and keeps his arm in my way.  He wants me to stop and hug him.  I do.  He then wants a kiss and when I tell him no he gets angry.  I tell him he knows why.  He screams that he doesn’t slams the door and storms out of the house.  I start dinner and go out and talk to him that we need to discuss what we are going to do.  I want to talk about a plan to separate.  He freaks out again.  Crying yelling, won’t eat dinner with the family.  Is on the phone with his family all night.  FML, for now. 

Sorry if I’ve rambled I wanted to get this out.  I have more to add but it’s slow going.  Got a lot on the old plate.

Treading water…..

1 Feb

I’m sad to say I still have not gotten to have a decent talk with my fiancé.  We had started one about a week ago.  We were both in the garage and I told him how stressed out I am handling it all and to my standards doing poorly.  I gave him some examples of how he could help that would be low impact due to his health problems.  He seemed open to it, he told me he loves me and wants to do the right things for me and our family.  I then felt like I had left my little ones alone too long and ran inside and started playing with them and that was it. 

That night I didn’t want to rock the boat I thought about talking but was happy to have the kids in bed and peace in the house and just let the sleeping dog lie, so to speak.  It’s always on my mind and I always find a way to dodge it, always finding a way not to rock the boat or avoid him.  I’m disappointed in myself. 

He is going to his first pain management class tonight.  His doctor has taken his prescription down to weekly instead of filling a whole months worth of pills.  They are monitoring him and want to get him off the narcotics but he still says he’s in a lot of pain.  I don’t know what to think.  I was told recently that long term use of pain killers can cause ghost pains.  The body’s way of asking to be fed more narcotics, maybe that’s what he’s got going on there’s no way for me to tell.  I still lean on the fact that when he’s out of pills he doesn’t seek them like I’ve seen addicts do. 

Maybe I’ll get something done this weekend, I have some good ideas of what to talk about from the audio book.  I’m still searching for a therapist and getting antsy whether I should try couples right away or try to go on my own a few times and then go into couples work.  Still just treading water.