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Super loves it!!….

25 Nov

Tom, Ron, Kelly and I walked down the street.  Us girls with our arms arround each others waists.  As we stopped at the corner to figure out where we were going Kelly and I made out some. We found a hotel and stopped on the way to get some beer, vodka and champagne.  We poured some drinks and put on some soft porn.  I put our toys out on the television stand.  Kelly and I were snuggled up on the bed together, touching and kissing while the men chatted and looked on.  Ron says to Shelly, “Do you love it?”  She responds back, “Super love it!”  That was their little thing.  I kinda dug it, it was sweet and playful of them.   

  After a while I suggested we put on our bedroom gear.  We both slipped into the bathroom where we laughed that our negligees were both from Fredericks of Hollywood and didn’t really fit our boobs.  Dressing together gave me a chance to pull together more confidence about my figure and gave us time to kiss.  I compliment her on her skimpy black outfit.  She looks me up and down and tells me she loves it.

We came out and modeled for the boys.  Making out and touching she layed me down on the bed and spread my legs hard.  She tasted my wet pussy and told me how good I tasted.  She ate me out like a pro.  I was moaning and bucking against her face while Ron came up behind me and put my hands into her hair and told me to pull hard.  She responded by eating me with a new verosity.  After getting me all juiced up she put on her new strap on and fucked me while the men watched clothes on stroking at their cocks through their jeans.  She told me to get on my knees and fucked me hard from behind.  We switched places and fingered her pussy before fucking it hard with the strap on while Ron is telling how much Kelly loves it, super loves it.   It was a willey toy hard to control, I held it with one hand while I thrust into her and hard and deep and I could with her asking for more the whole way.  I put her on her knees fucking her from behind and Ron pulled out his cock for her to suck as I fucked her.  Tom had his cock out stroking and watching.  I pulled out and lay next to Tom kissing him, his arms arround me.  I slide down to suck his cock showing my pussy off behind me.

Kelly and I continued to play as the men got naked.  She tells me how much she wants to see Ron fuck me in the ass.  I check with Tom he’s OK with it and I’m honest with them, I’m not sure if I can but will try.  Kelly had already been working my ass as she was playing with me.  Ron worked me with his fingers as I sucked on Toms cock.  He lubed me up with his spit and worked his cock in a little at a time.  Working through the tightness with the right amount of force.  Before I knew it he was fucking me with long deep strokes as I’m sucking dick and Kelly is watching us.  She took a turn sucking on Toms hard cock.  Tom layed her down next to me and started fucking her shaved pink pussy.  I’m sucking on her tits and she moans watching her man fuck my ass.   Tom backs away as he cums outside of the group and we all take a break.

It’s time to break into the toys again and Kelly and I choose the bright pink double headed dildo.  We each lay back and the fellas help by rubbing the head on our pussies.  It’s thick and smooth and feels very good going in.  We start to wiggle arround with the men touching and looking on.  They are moving it back and forth fucking each of us with their strokes.  We start pressing together and I grab her legs grinding up into her pussy.  It feels so good.  We’re moaning and thrashing about boobs mouth open.  I suck Tom’s cock briefly and he then moves arround to take a picture or two of our stuffed muffs.  I’m using my hand to rub my clit and grinding against Kelly.  Gripping her legs and pulling her into me.  I start to cum and it keeps cumming.  It was amazing. 

Kelly was having a harder time climaxing.  I gave her a little finger vibrator I brought to buzz her clit.  I’m still bucking against her playing with the toy.  I realize I still have the curved glass toy that will reach up and hit her G-spot,  I walk away and the men have their hands all over her.  Tom is fingering her ass.  Ron has his fingers in her pussy and the other on her throat.  I bring the glass toy and start to fuck her with it.  Slow at first then faster and harder as she starts to moan and buck against us.  She’s getting close as I’m ramming her with it hard, Tom still fingering her ass and Ron is now choking her hard like she likes it.  His cock in her face.  When she finally cums it’s loud and low and then explosive.  We all sit back for a breather after that intense round of fucking.

We start to chat.  We talk about music and a lot of our taste lines up.  The conversations drifts to other experiences we’ve had.  Tom and I have only had a woman as a third.  Tom before me has been a third for a couple but has never shared his girl.  Ron tells us that we are awesome.  This was great, he has been with couples that can’t let go of hang ups or that are totally full of themselves.  Fellas that hover over the girls and even someone who walked out on their significant other.  We were deemed legit, and Kelly confirmed she Super Loves It!.  Tom and I had an amazing time too.  At this point Tom had cum, I had cum and Kelly just came but Ron was left out.  He won!  

While Ron was in the bathroom I said to Tom and Kelly that it didn’t seem fair that Ron hadn’t had his turn.  I wanted to help him cum.  They agreed and before I knew it I was on top of Kelly kissing her and rubbing against her pussy.  Tom came in behind me as I was on top of her and started to fuck me.  Ron returned from the bathroom to us fucking and he came close enough for me to get his cock in my mouth.  I suck him and he wants to fuck me again.  I go to the edge of the bed and give him the option of fucking either hole from beind.  He grabs my hips forcefully and drives into my wet pussy fucking me hard.  I reach under and caress his balls as he’s plowing into me.  I look back over my shoulder to seem him sweating and flexing staring back at me.  I turn back to Kelly and Tom who are now fucking as well.  Ron is about to cum and he gets on the bed on his knees and tells Kelly she’s going to get it and shoots his load over her face and tits while Tom is still balls deep inside of her pussy.  Tom calls to me to take his load in my mouth and I swing arround to suck him off as he cums again.  It’s late and we just had a perfect finish to an amazing night.

We have a hard time saying our goodbyes because we keep catching ourselves in conversation.  One thing is for sure we all want to try it again.  I super loved it! I pack my toys and my left over bottle of champagne.  Tom and I are dressed it’s 2:30 and I have to be at work at 8:45am.  I kiss Kelly good bye and give Ron a hug, and end up doing it one more time before leaving for the night.  Tom driving and me dozing in the passenger seat.  

That was less than a week ago and Tom and I are still talking about it.  Turning each other on and so excited for our next time together.

(Un)reasonable doubt……

19 Sep

This feels weird to write but it’s how I feel. My love, this wonderful man who loves me dearly and is going to move 700 miles to date me I am feeling unsure about our future. It might just be due to the turmoil I’m going through. I look forward to the fun we will have, the experiences we will share and the life we can build together with both of us working hard. Something in me is loosing the enthusiasm I once had. It might just be my own lack of confidence. Things have changed, some days I’m not sure if I’m wanting to talk.  Some times I feel pulled away from cleaning and days where I’m with my family and I don’t talk to him I get the feeling he is getting upset because I’m not making time for him.  However that might just be in my head from how I was trained to be with Dick.

He is starting to make little moves in his own life towards leaving his wife, his state and his job.  Cleaning out old things, paying off debt, having talks with his wife.  It is making it all more real.  We talked that we would date.  That I should date other men and he should date women.  His dating he has put into the less important category because he has been single as an adult he has dated and he says he knows what he wants and that is me.  Where I have no real experience, I need to squelch any what if’s and see if there is a better match.  I worry what if there is or worse what if there is a superficial match and I don’t see the douche in them.  Above all what if he changes his whole life to be with me and it doesn’t happen. 

Tom went on a romantic get away with his wife.  It was more of an attempt to see if there was a spark as they both have talked about feeling like good friends not husband and wife.  He said that they did do a bit of kissing at the start but there was virtually nothing else.  She didn’t try to cuddle up to him, hold his hand or initiate anything sexual.  It was her time of the month but there are other ways to be intimate with your husband and he said there was not so much as a hand in his lap.  He called me most of the trip.  Telling me how much he loves me and misses me.  I was cleaning one night with my Dad and was not near my phone and he called maybe three times and by the last call he sounded pretty disappointed that I had not answered.  I am even feeling that he’s needing much more attention than he has ever required even outside of this trip.  That is probably normal and the effects of the risks and changes he is taking. 

I wonder if all this stems from me starting a relationship at the wrong time.  He could really be what I’ve thought for the last year or so…..the best thing that ever happened to me.  I still wonder if my attachment came from having such a horrible situation.  Or maybe that I’m afraid of loneliness and not finding anyone else.  We are very different but a lot of the same.  With that said he is very different from Dick.  There will be no crazy tweekers, no douchey idiots that we hang out with and party, no doing coke together and he probably will not get along with a lot of the acquaintances that I probably need to get rid of anyway.  Those things are kinda scary.

These feelings come and go.  In fact since I started writing this Monday they have gone away again and I’m super excited to see him and eventually date him and possibly live the rest of my life with him.  I hope this is all normal and not just a away that my subconscious is warning me.  Only time will tell.  After I get a new life in order with Dick as a co-parent instead of someone I have to worry about every interaction I think things will start to level off.

River daze…..

15 Aug

My love had to work on Thursday.  He gave me his truck again and like last time he left me his nice sunglasses as I didn’t have any.  I had talked to a few people and we had planned to float the river.  I’ve floated the local river where I live.  We take truck inner tubes and coolers of beer or drink bottles of mixed drinks and its a flashing trail of debauchery.  We make stops to drink and smoke weed and it’s crazy.  Well they do it different.  There are lot’s of floaters and you launch and land in designated parks.  There is talk of floating police looking for people drinking.  different but I’m still so excited to go.

So the singer for the band that got Tom and I together Randy, the pregnant girl who works at Adam and Eve Mandy, her friend who we met at the bar Moon and Will’s fun lesbian friend that he kisses some times Shawn are going to be the floating crew.  I meet up with Mandy first and we get together our sandwiches, fruit, waters and some box wine. We grab Randy and then head over to get our floats.  Moon was already following us in her truck.  We make it to the first park and we’re waiting for Shawn.  We eat lunch, chit chat…and wait and wait….she finaly shows up and we’re HOT and ready. 

Everyone loads into Tom’s truck and I drive our crew to the drop in point.  While I park they blow up our rafts. There is air compressors at the park.  Freakin’ sweet!  I’m in a raft with Moon.  Shawn is on her own on a lounger.  Mandy and Randy are together.  The river is fast and kinda chilly.  There are families with young kids floating in nice rafts with life vests.  It’s cool but weird.  I have our wine out of the box in just a bag.  I have two juice bottles that I’m using for the wine. 

Right off the bat I let us hit the trees on the shore getting a good laugh.  Shawn pops the back on her lounger and comes aboard with Moon and I.  I am doing terrible on paddling and managing the lounger.  I hop overboard and float on the backless lounger.  I get left behind for a bit but we find a way to catch up.  My fruit is now in the bottom of the raft.  The wine is starting to do the trick and I’ve now popped the main part of the lounger so I come aboard with the girls.  Shawn is our captain and she is hilarious.  We catch up to Mandy and Randy.  He is navigating perfectly and his lovely passenger is enjoying the ride.  Tom had given me his water proof camera so I’m taking pics and having a great time.  At one point Shawn slips up and runs us right into a tree.  That I straight arm and push us away from saving our raft!  We hit so hard that I broke the plastic juice cap that I had in my hand. Moon flashes Mandy and Mandy misses it.  We get her attention and I tease Randy not to look and flash with Moom.  He does good and doesn’t look!  A little later Moon falls out and I go to save her but I grab her leg and inadvertently hold her under a little longer that if I hadn’t tried to help her. 

The trip was great everyone was so cool.  We really wanted to just do it again.  As we pack into the trucks I tell Randy how proud I am that he didn’t look.  He’s Tom’s good friend so he goes on about respect for Tom.  I tease him again and give him a good flash.  I tell him Tom is OK with it and I was just being silly.  Shaun needed me to bring her something from the truck so after every one separated I went back to Shawn’s house and had a puff of weed and played some ping pong.  She is so sweet.  Mandy had invited us to dinner at her house and I didn’t commit because Tom and I really wanted to cook together and tonight was our last chance at dinner.  It was a great day and I was looking forward to another great night with him.

Getting to know each other in a whole new way….

4 Jul

When we got home from camping we went to my Mom’s house for a BBQ and some swimming.  We got home late and I got the kids down rather quickly.  Since our dogs had been cooped up that was the perfect excuse to get out of the house so I could call Tom.

We talked for two hours.  It was a lot.  He sounded so concerned and serious.  At times even nervous and on edge.  With all that I could hear the love in his voice too.  I voiced my concern about the seemly sudden change in him and asked him why.  Tom told me he had felt that way for a long time now.  That he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to influence my situation with my now ex-fiance. 

He let me know that his wife is a very good girl.  He loves her for it, but their love is turning into more of a friendship.  That he wants more in a marriage to be truly happy on all levels.  The thought of hurting her kills him but with me or without me he needs to move on. Spontaneity was one of the things he mentioned enjoying with me that he doesn’t have at home. He told me that since we’d met he and his wife had only made love two times.  I asked him if he’d talked to her about it? Can they work it out?   He was resolute in telling me that it is just her way and he doesn’t want her to change who she is to be what he needs.  My heart sank a little for the both of them but I do understand. 

We talked about getting to know each other.  He didn’t know my middle name and I had forgotten his.  Both of us intend to find the right person to spend the rest of our lives with and we needed to be sure before any big steps were taken.  Now don’t get all excited that we are running away together next week.  We both have a lot on our plates.  His father lives with him and he won’t want to move.  He must finish caring for his Dad before he can consider moving to California.  I will have to get an arrangement set with my ex and honestly need to be a grown up on my own.  To come into my own before we decide to start a life together.  I do want to go on a few dates.  That may seem odd from what you’ve read about my love for Tom, but I feel like if I don’t explore the adult dating world I might have that what if in the back of my head if I didn’t at least see what it’s like.  He also would go on dates too. 

Our next few conversations would go like this.  I would read into his voice a seriousness and a certain amount of apprehension or concern that seemed very different to me.  I was worried and felt very bad that maybe reading all those 180 and posts in less than a week was tweaking his brain.  In those first few talks I almost felt he was sizing up the chances for us to work.  Looking for my definitive answer.  Worried that it could be a no.

  On my part I felt a strange urgency to give myself to him to let him know everything I could about me.  How I am from day to day.  What can I let him know to show my flaws or things that might rub him the wrong way?  How horrible my ex might be and how I’ll probably be financially stretched taking care of the boys with most likely no help from their father.  No amount of words can really let us know what it will be like living with the other person.  Our intention is to try to learn as much as possible until we can spend more time together.  Taking things one step at a time over the next few years to see if this is going to work in real life.

Aside

One of the many reasons I think I need a spanking…

11 Apr

I’m wondering if when I’m stressed or feel cornered I act out like a teenager.  Since things have gotten bad and I feel trapped I’ve acted out sexually.  I never would have kissed Tom if things with my fiancé weren’t so bad.  He was sweet I had an attraction to him but if I was really out on the prowl he would not have been my target. 

With him being so far away I’m finding myself very frustrated and I’m letting it branch out.  I’ve checked personals for available girls.  I posted on an affair weight but didn’t pay for it so I haven’t “reached out” to anyone.  It seemed like a good idea at the time because I talked to someone that had some luck on the site.  I’ve even caught myself staring at attractive people more often.

 This brings me to the reason for my post.  My fiancé met another stay at home dad at the park.  He is a fella from the Netherlands, he likes metal and plays guitar.  They hit it off and my fiancé invited him over for a beer that night.  I need to give him a name and I shall call him Olaf because his accent and his love of metal reminds me of Jay and Silent Bob.  Olaf metal! and then he sings Making fuck and making love bezerker….well I’m off topic but Olaf seems fitting right now. 

So he’s a pretty good-looking guy, beautiful skin, just below chin length hair light brown, gorgeous blue eyes, sturdy build.  After I get the boys to bed we’re all drinking, he’s playing guitar with my fiancé.  Regular chit-chat stuff, a few friends come over so now all five of us are chopping it up.

  For a few minutes I’m alone with him and I ask him about Second Life (he met his wife on the game).  He told me he DJ’d at a 2nd life club for pay.  He said he also made money building furniture digitally for the game.  Strange concept to me a total Second Life laymen.  He said you can put the furniture in your flat or apartment or your dungeon or torture chamber.  That he specialized in furniture that would restrain a body in different ways. OMG on-line bondage?!?!  I want to know more but then they all came back…plus I just met the guy so I try to keep my eagerness to find out more totally hidden.

Through the course of our conversation Olaf refered to his wife as a princess at one point.  Other than that he didn’t speak much about her.  I had mentioned something about wanting to watch the Game of Thones to check out the hot chick that gets naked and he lit up asking me, “Do you like women?”.  When I left the room he told my fiancé how he thought I was, so my little horny mind is going berserker.  What if he has a hot wife that likes girls and they will spank my ass while I lick her up and down? When he left that night he gave me lingering close hug.

The next night he invited us over for our kids to play and meet the Mrs.  Walking up the porch he hollers out hello sexy.  Nice condo, nice car….open the door meet the Mrs.  OMG she is a big lady, she is also signficantly older than I would expect a princess to be.  She is super sweet but is definitely not getting licked by me.  We’ll be friends though. They just moved here three weeks ago so she was very happy to meet us.  Though I feel a little guilty about it but I still wonder if he wants to bind me and spank my ass and I wonder if I’d let him. Only time will tell. Gotta be safe with that kinda of stuff.

Might as well be tattooed on my face…..

10 Apr

I’ve been quiet lately because I’ve felt like I’m just running in circles.  Sad, hopeful, hopeless, angry, sad…nothing changing…even worse nothing sexy happening.  It all seemed to redundant to write about.  Honestly whether you comment or not I feel like you all know me. Everyone that has given me their opinion, that I totally appreciate and am humbled that you’ve taken the time to read my life and comment, is seeing that I’d be better off without my fiancé. My distress seems to be oozing out of me.  I mentioned before that my boss told me in my review he’s behind me if I need to take a week or so off to set up child care and he would be flexible going forward if I need to take time off for the boys.  My mom and dad are always asking how I’m doing. 

We spent Easter afternoon at my moms house.  After dinner everyone was lounging arround at different areas of the house.   I wandered into the game room and was setting up a game of pool.  My step-sister came in and asked how I was doing.  I glossed over that I’m filing bankruptcy and that I’m trying to get my shit together.  Some how we started talking about my fiancé, she asked why I stay with him.  She told me that when the family gets together and I’m not there they talk about how to get me away from him.  That they would all help, I could stay in one of the two houses the family has as rentals and everyone would love watching the kids and helping me in anyway I need.  She talked to me like I was such a good normal person, I reminded her I’m not like everyone else.  I’m still a bit of trouble.  I couldn’t find a nice husband like she has now, he’d be scared of me.  She said that he likes me a lot and he also can’t see why I stay with my fiancé. 

She told me about leaving her first husband (they married when I was 18 and my fiancé and I were both at the wedding) she had an infant and only made $15k per year.  She didn’t take state assistance because the idea made her uncomfortable.  Her family helped, my family helped…her son is heathy happy and well adjusted.  Her ex never looked back, no child support, no visits he just disappeared. 

It was really touching to coming from her.  I’ve always been a wild child and she was always a bit more for lack of a better word “preppy”.  We weren’t close, sometimes even at odds.  I wasn’t one of the family that was there for her when she needed support.  I was too busy fucking off.  While we talked there were some tears and lots of hugs.  I was left with the feeling that I can do this, I have to do this and everyone knows it and is ready to help.

Can things change?….

19 Feb

We’ve started to open up a little.  He says we’ve got a bond in blood and he wants to keep our family together.  He says I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he loves me with all of his heart.  That I’m sexy, smart and amazing.

He knows I’m not happy and I want him to do more.  He sees that I’m sad, disconnected and stressed.  We discussed again that I need his help and not that I want him to do what he is unable to do but I want him to do what he can.  

 He keeps getting stuck on that I want him to work and don’t care about his injury.  I remind him I just want him to contribute. Whether he can find a job that can suit his physical limitations, get disability, start an E-bay store or find a work at home prospect anything that shows he is trying will help.  I remind him that I’m ticked off more because even before he was injured he wouldn’t look for a night job as his unemployment ran out.

We started talking about how he makes me feel.  That when I leave the house at night that I need to be in frequent contact with him.  He tells me how do I know you’re not whoring arround.  Sticky question for me now, right?  I tell him that all these years I’ve been faithful that shouldn’t that earn me the freedom not to have to talk to him every hour. I don’t ask that from him.  This opened the door for him to bring up my youth.  Telling me that I whored arround with 60 men before I was 17 and that I fucked a guy I knew for a week after we broke up.  Both of which were wrong (I had just wrote a bit about it in this post).  It also made me think of another post I need to write but I’ll save that for another time.

We got past that and went into name calling.  Recently at a dinner where well he was being less than desirable dinner company he complained that he is always the last person eating.  He has said a couple of things about himself in the recent past that he has a small mouth and a large gut, not both in the same sentence but he has said it.  So, my smart ass said he’s the last one to finish his meal it might be because of his small mouth and large gut he was terribly offended. Looking back I understand and feel bad about it (I’m far from perfect).  So we were talking about how he was calling me a cunt and fucking bitch when he was yelling at me the other day and he compared it to when I said the small mouth large gut thing.  It took a good 15 minutes to help him understand the difference between using words that have no other purpose than to hurt some one than using something that is off color but could be taken in stride since it’s something you’ve said about yourself.  Again I apologised and said it was wrong of me to have said what I said.  I think he said he was sorry too, he said he just gets so angry and that is the only way he can express himself.

Then he went into how the young me would be very disappointed in the current me.  To which I had to disagree. I’ve always been ambitious and resourceful.  If you think about the young me, doing drugs, stealing cars and stuff, working in the mall, my plan for the future was to rob a few banks and move to Canada, then yes the old me would be like, “Why are you working for the man and there is way too little sex, drugs and rock and roll going on here.”.  I told him I’m proud of myself and I wish you would be too.  He tells me there is nothing he would change. He is so happy to have the boys.  I ask are you proud of yourself and he goes, “Yes, I’m not a crack head, I’ve never been locked up, I’m not homeless, I don’t beat you or the kids we have our own house and great boys.”  Good lord he has succeeded because he’s not a crack head.  I guess I should have seen this coming but when you’re aspirations are to rob banks and move to Canada (pronounced by us as Can-a-Duh-Duh-Duh) not being homeless or in jail is pretty awesome.

The people from pain management had him see a counselor.  Where he told them that his injury and pain was effecting our relationship.  The big box healthcare provided offered him meds which he declined since he takes maybe 10 or so different kinds of medication a day he didn’t want to risk a bad chemical reaction.  He told me how miserable he is.  How he has thought of killing himself though he would never do it.  That the words I said to him ring in his ears, how I can’t see a good life with him but I can’t imagine a life without him and that he doesn’t do it for me any more. 

I was as encouraging as I could be.  We talked about going to counseling.  He wants to try to do better.  I remind him that I don’t expect it to all happen at once but I need to see that he’s trying.  That he cares about making things better together and he’s nice to me and the boys.  Now I need to find a counselor that I can afford and line up child care for when we go.