Archive | September, 2011

WTF….

29 Sep

My morning started out normal enough I made some oatmeal for the family. As I was making lattes for my fiancé and I he seasoned the oatmeal and served it to the boys. I was bringing sprinkles for the boys to put on the oatmeal as my oldest asked for cinnamon in his. My fiancé said he already added some so I went to the stove to serve myself. It smelled like Indian food, weird right? I put my nose into my bowl of oatmeal and that was it. My fiancé added cumin instead of cinnamon. He took a bite before I could spit out the words. He said he couldn’t get the cumin taste out of his mouth …*giggle*. I made another batch and was now running late.

At work for the most part things are good. I’m the department lead. We are making record profits and when my manager moves on I pretty much have his job in the bag. At the end of the day my manager is having a strange conversation in his office. One of our top clients is bitching about how I delivered a final decision on their account. My manager bends to her request even though his boss had said not to. I had the authority to make the call but it wad an unreasonable request. We got in a long talk about how he learned to deal with these blow hards. He says not to wory about it but how can he expect them to respect my decisions if the can just push him around and get what they want. Needless to say I went home a little frustrated.

I was feeling sick and had a headache at the end of the day. It could have been that I’d had just some cheese and crackers for lunch and I was getting crampy from the time of the month. I get home and say hello to everyone. I ho into the kitchen where my fiancé is cooking dome stir fry and right before I reach him my stomach turns and cramps and I get a horrible look on my face from the discomfort. I say I feel sick. He the yells at me telling me that shouldn’t be the first thing I say to him. I’m instantly pissed. I tell him I said hello daddy as I was came in the house. That I truly feel sick and that’s the first thing he says to me every morning for months now. I’m crying now and go sit with my boys and space out as they watch sesame street. He calls us in for dinner and snaps at me because I only have a tiny bit of food on my plate. I say again I feel sick and he starts in on me again. He calls me a cunt at the dinner table in front of my boys. I politely ask him not to say such words in front of them. At that point he yells at me gor being 15 minutes late and I told him I was talking to my boss about a problem account. He says you lied in your text about just leaving the office. I try to explain and he yells what else do you lie about. What are you doing with your phone all the time. My 4 year old leans over and say do you remember how much fun we had at the fair without Daddy. He gets pissed saying how we’d lile it if he wasn’t around. My oldest said I was just trying to tell mommy a secret. The boys and I are done eating and i’m trying to think of where we can go when my fiancé says he’s leaving. It’s good for me. As he takes off on his beach cruiser I pray for a car to hit him or a freak lightning storm to take him out. When he’s gone the boys and I do puzzles together. I’m trying not to cry but I keep leaking a little. My two year old brings me a beer saying here you go mama have a beer. I have him put it back but thank him. My oldest tells me how he doesn’t like it when we fight. He says he saw my tears and and it makes him sad and gave me a hug. He asks when will you feel like your self again. I finally cheer up and we pick up and do bedtime stories.

My fiancé returns home and I take my muts out for a walk. Tom is already in bed with his wife 700 fucking miles away and I feel defeated I’m broke, I’ve got two great kids with an asshole that I don’t have the guts to stand up to and I need to grow a dick to get ahead at work. What the fuck!!!!

Into the unknown….

27 Sep

I’m going to see him again!!!  I’m so excited!  I am going on a business trip and will have my corporate travel coordinator fly me to his town instead of back home.  We will spend the first night together in town and we will go to a secluded hot spring he has told me all about for the next night and camp out!  I love camping.  When he had suggested this at first I was surprised as it’s a 2 hour drive but then thinking of being in his arms by the campfire under the stars I realized how perfect this will be.  The hot springs is a fast running natural pool.  So we will have our own private hot tub.  He also is very excited.  We thought about me staying one day longer but I don’t think my alibi will cover me that long.  It is not as long a visit as I had hoped.  It’s going to be great though.  We both love the outdoors and have talked about camping so this will be an amazing opportunity. 

I’m very nervous.  My business trip extending to Saturday is a big stretch.  I think it should work but risk of being questioned is high.  Also the area we are staying in has no cell reception, so that will be a little hard to explain.  Usually on my business trips by the 2nd or 3rd night my fiancé and I are fighting so that might work.  I leaving in about two weeks so I have a bit of time to try to work this out.

Donna Reed eats dollar bills…..

26 Sep

I’ve been trying to focus on my home life.  Though I can’t get Tom out of my mind I know I need to step back or something really bad will happen.  I’m not sure what really bad is but I’d rather not find out.  I was lucky enough to have a 4 day weekend and I went for it like a modern-day Donna Reed.  I cleaned, organised, did yard work and maitenence.  Made breakfast lunch and dinner every day.  Laundry, oh the laundry!  I took the boys on an awesome hike.  We had so much fun chasing frog and lizards.  We climbed and bounced on trees.  On the way home they were pooped and when we got home they could not stop talking about our adventures! 

I’ve mentioned before my Fiance has not worked for a long while and is a spender.  Well this has finally become a problem.  With his messed up knee and laundry list of medications and aliments he is unable to work and has not found any other means of supporting the family (or his spending habits).  It’s come to the point where I’m applying for a night job.  I work full time and my job has good pay but it’s still not enough.  It’s not only embarrassing to have to work a 2nd job but to say my Fiance doesn’t work and has no income leaves me open to get a lot of opinions and weird looks.  Strangely enough last time this happened ( I was pregnant) the only job that I could find was inventory for minimum wage.  I hope that is not the case this time.  Needless to say this doesn’t make it any easier to work on my relationship with him.

Tango without touching….

25 Sep

I saw my love today! On video chat with our phones. It was so nice to see his smile. After a bit of technical blundering on my part, I had wired my PC wrong so we had to use an inferior program on our smart phones. We were both low on charge so each of us had a wire tethering our phones. We had planned this because we are rarely lucky enough to be alone at home at the same time. I made quick call to let Tom know our Skype plans had been downgraded to Tango. When he appeared he was already naked in bed. I still had my bra and skirt on we smiled at each other for a bit. It’s nice to see him so happy staring back at me. He gave me a quick shot of his cock. He was already hard. I gave him a little show squeezing my boobs making my cleavage pop. Running my hand my down my neck and on to my breasts, rubbing the soft flesh. He’s telling me how amazing my boobs are as I’m taking off my bra. I hide my nipples behind my hand making him wait a bit longer for a good look. He gives me a shot of his stong hand stroking his cock. I tell him how much I want to take him into my mouth as my hand slides a way from my breasts and my finger slides between my lips. I give it a little bite and flash a naughty smile. I play with my breast as I reposition myself so I can slide my panties off. Laying naked on my back legs falling open I run my right hand down my body. The camera looking down from my viewpoint. I rub myself just a little. I slide my finger inside of my wet pussy and then bring it back up to my mouth sucking off my juices. He tells me he’s jealous and can’t wait to taste me again. He’s stroking his hard on faster. I squeeze my bare beast again.  They are more than a handful, my soft flesh busting out of my gripping fingers.  I bring the camera down between my legs and give him a quick look as I pass my hand over my shaved pussy.  I press my hand against the warm flesh teasing him, making him wait for the view he wants.  I run my finger through my lips to part them and then follow them up to my clit and give it a rub as he stares into my wetness.  He gets this great intense look on his face.  He tells me how perfect my pussy is.  I spread my lips and give him a great view of the bright pink flesh inside of me.  I penetrate myself with my middle finger.  I can hear the excitement as he tells me he can’t wait to be inside of me again.  He’s stroking his cock hard now.  I can tell he’s close to cumming.  I pull out the blue vibrator he picked out for me and lick it.  Then I take it farther into my mouth.  I press it on my clit and rub it up and down my lips before entering.  I am so hot for him.  Having that cock in me feels so good.  I tell him how I wish it was his warm flesh inside of my body.  I work the vibrator in and out.  Rubbing my clit.  I see his head pitch back and hear his breath change.  I know he’s about to cum.  Now I’m the one staring into the camera waiting for him to cum.  I continue to give him a show while he works over his beautiful cock.  I feel so excited when he starts to cum.  Triumphant, like I’ve won the prize. Mesmerized by his pleasure and his juices.  As he cleans up I finish up.  We go back to staring at each other.  I’ve wrapped my self around a pillow and he’s telling me he wishes he could be holding me.  I long to feel my flesh pressed against his.  He tells me he loves me.  It always gives me the chills when I can see him when he says it.  I hear something in my kitchen.  I tell him I have to run.

Waiting for the perfect corndog……

21 Sep

I feel like I’m starting to come back to my senses.  Between the questions on this blog and from my friend at work I’m starting to see how far my day dreams have strayed from reality.  I can’t say I don’t love Tom any more.  He still turns me on but I know without a doubt he won’t be mine anytime soon if ever at all.  I’m embracing the part of me he has awakened.  I feel more sexy.  I have more passion in my life.  I still am trying to quardinate a trip to see Tom.  My work is flying me a few states away for training.  After the class I want to have them fly me to Tom’s state instead of mine then return home Friday like my class was all week not just the three days that it really is.  He was so excited when I told him that I could come see him on his home turf again.  When we hung out before he was really just being friendly to the pretty girl not even thinking that all this would ever happen.  I have to wait for corporate to send my request for travel plans and then I will know for sure if I can go.  

The other thing that really brought me back to reality is a recent conversation with Tom.  He had made mention when he has fooled around with other woman his worst fear is that they will say to him hey I’ll leave my husband you leave your wife so we can be together.  With me he doesn’t have that worry.  My head I’m screaming I’m that girl I want you to do it leave her and be with me!  I just laughed it off we talked about how the distance makes that nearly impossible.  Our time to talk was short so I didn’t want to bring it up only to have to get off the phone.  Before I talk to him I go over in my head how I will tell him that I ache to be with him.  I do want him to leave his wife to be with me but I know that is not the right thing with my boys and his situation.  I want to tell him just how I feel but want to still have fun with him especially on this possible up coming trip.  Now I’m trying to figure out do I blurt all this out before the possible trip to see him or wait untill after.  I am tempted to blurt it out now and show him the blog.  I have shared some posts with him but not many.  He is interested in it but has not pushed to see it.  I guess I have to feel things out.  The bottom line is no matter what a hold he has on my heart I need to back off and give it time to happen naturally if at all.  If we are never together I think I’ll be OK with that but I do value the friendship and how we turn each other on and I don’t want to loose that.  It sounds like he wants to continue to enjoy it as well.  A while back he had said we can be like fair food for each other.  It’s strangely delicious but naughty for your diet, and sometimes you crave it but you can only get it a few times a year when the fair is in a town near you.

Pinned up and pinned down….

18 Sep

Today I’m hung over.  Not too badly but it’s not something I’ve dealt with for a long while.  I am working today. It’s easier to work hangover than be at home with the boys.  My fiancé and I went out to a party.  It was a Pin Up party.  All the girls had their hair curled with flowers or bandanas on.  Cute old-school dresses and lots of polka dots.  I started drinking at the house so I wouldn’t have to drive.  I rarely get out so why should I have to be the DD?  Everyone was happy to see me.  The music was horrible but after a while it was easy to drown out.  We had champagne, rum, vodka and whiskey.  Bong rips and key bumps.  I was pretty fucked up having a great time mingling with everyone when I noticed it was 2:30am.  We needed to get home!  I don’t remember the ride home.  I know from my fiancé that my Dad was kinda mad at us for having him stay late watching the kids.  

After he left my fiancé and I started fooling arround.  My memory fades in an out but I do remember him fucking me hard standing while I kneeled at the edge of the bed.  I let him rub my ass with his cock.  He started to push in and it felt good so I let him.  I turned over on my back and spread my legs showing off my pussy as he fucked my ass.  I guided his hand and had him finger me as he came in me.  As he was getting off he was moaning with pleasure.  With him finishing I knew I could give in and enjoy a great orgasm.  The next morning I surveyed the damage.  Cloths all over the living room.  Pizza over our head-board.  Sheets a mess and my butt feels funny.  I just wish I could remember more.

Orgasm and a movie….

16 Sep

Last night I thought I would have a chance to Skype with my love.  I have not seen him since July maybe a picture or two via text.  I think maybe a minute on Tango before we lost connection.  Either way I was excited to see his smile as we talked.  When we’ve Skyped before he’d lean in close to the camera and I’d get butterflies.  It felt like the moment right before a kiss.  Of of course I’d give him a little strip tease and talk sexy to him.  He’d jack off for me.  I love seeing him touching his gorgeous cock.  It looks so meaty and enticing on camera.  Needless to say I was very disappointed to find out my fiancé was not leaving that night.  I let Tom know so he would not be waiting for me.  Then my chance came my fiancé left it was late but I tried to see if Tom was up.  He wasn’t responding he was either asleep or not alone.  Since I was thinking about him I went to my room and laid down on the bed.  Looked at some pictures he has sent me.  Started to caress my breasts.  I was wet already just thinking of him, he just has some weird power over me like that.  I rubbed the vibrator he picked out for me against myself.  Touching it to my thighs and lips before moving it up to my clit.  Thinking about his hands on my skin, his mouth on my neck, his body pressing against mine.  I glide the vibrator along the wetness of my lips.  Teasing my clit one more time before pressing the tip of the soft blue cock through my lips.  Slowly working it up and down.  I started to take pictures of the vibrator sliding in and out of my wet pussy.  After a few shots I put my phone down and started to rub my clit while I worked the vibrator in and out.  Wishing my lover was the one holding my toy.  Wishing it was him inside me about to cum.  I lost myself in my fantasy while a gave myself a great orgasm.  Afterwards I sent a picture or two to my love to let him know I was thinking about him.  I was still alone and still longing to be with Tom.  He had told me about a movie Everything Illuminated.  I found it on Netflix streaming and watched it.  I laughed out loud and felt a little closer to him seeing the things he had told me about.  Hearing the music of Gogol Bordello in the movie (he had also turned me on to that band).  It made me feel closer to him.  When I laughed out loud I felt like he would be laughing with me.  When I went to sleep I hoped he would come meet me in my dreams.