Archive | May, 2012
25 May

Had to share these words of wisdom!

Black's Jewels

People just don’t become dishonest, crazy, phony, materialistic, dis-respectful, lazy or two-face overnight. They already were, your ass just ignored the signs. Now follow the AAA process, ADMIT you were wrong about them, ACCEPT who they really are & then ALTER the friendship so you don’t get burned/hurt again. In the future remember what Maya Angelou says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

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Triple Trouble…..

22 May

So I had mentioned some stuff that happened at night in my last post.  I’ll share with you one night at a time.  So the day after our hardworking landscaper friend fixed our water for the second night in a row he and two other friends took my ex-fiance out for a night at the bars.  I had fallen asleep on the couch and they came in at about two am.  They are my friends too so when they got there I woke up to hang out.  They were all pretty loaded and continued drinking.

My landscaper buddy let’s call him Mike D hangs out in the living room talking with me while the other fellas Ad-Rock and MCA are hanging out with my ex-fiance in the garage.  Mike D is telling me about working for his brother for very little pay.  His brother takes advantage of him because Mike D has trouble finding work due to a checkered past, long ago past.  He talked about being out at the bar and my ex-fiance is trying to mooch drinks and cigarettes off of him and due to his tight money situation he only had funds to carry MCA and himself.  He goes on saying this isn’t the first time.  That my ex-fiance always takes from him.  When he’s talking to girls my ex-fiance clowns on him and ruins his game.  After taking and not being a good friend my ex-fiance never returns the favor, doesn’t buy drinks or help him with chicks.  He asks me about my situation with my ex-fiance.  I let him know that I’m tired of him being a taker, bullying me and others and not respecting people’s feelings.  He told me that he thinks he’s tired of the bullshit in this town and he is planning on moving out of state.  That MCA and I are golden in his book but everyone else can take a hike.  He asks me if I’m cheating on my ex-fiance because my ex has brought it up that he thinks it’s a possibility.  I tell him no and he says well maybe you should.  I wouldn’t blame you if you did.  That he’d love to have a girl like me.

At this point the guys come back in from the garage.  Ad-Rock disappears (he’s blasted) and MCA is getting texts from the girl that he’s been seeing that cheated on him with her ex-husband.  He caught them in the act.  She has two kids with her ex and MCA has been dating her for over a year and he bonded with her children.  So he’s totally broken up, like crying and saying he doesn’t want to be arround any more.  We’re trying to comfort him and Mike D had a bad break up about a year ago and he’s trying to give MCA some positive reinforcement drunk style.  He’s telling MCA that the pain goes away, that he’s a great guy and he’s cared about.  My ex is telling him to shut up and leave MCA alone.  MCA is just sitting there not saying anything head hanging down.  Mike D keeps trying to snap him out of it, he’s drunk and loud but he’s being positive.  Then my ex says shut the fuck up and leave him alone, your girl was a fucking retard it’s totally different.  You need to leave him alone in his darkest hour.  The yelling goes on untill Mike D goes out to smoke.  I tell my ex that it’s not OK to belittle his heart ache because you don’t like his ex.  He still had a heartbreak to get over and he’s just trying to support MCA.

I go smoke with him.  We talk.  Then I hang with MCA and things get deep for a bit.  My ex and Mike D are in the garage.  Next thing I know my ex is walking behind Mike D pushing him out the door telling him get out of my house. I guess the conversation continued in the garage and Mike D was letting my ex know how he feels about him compared him to his brother and still tried to get the heartbreak story out that my ex keeps knocking down.  We’re all shocked and we go back to focusing on MCA. 

Not to much later there is a knock at the door.  It’s Mike D and he looks upset.  He steps into my living room and says OK I’m ready to die.  He pulls up his shirt I think to show he has no weapons.  He steps in front of my ex and says it’s going down in your house and puts up his hands and sticks out his chin and waits to get hit.  Me and MCA are trying to get him to go…telling them both it’s stupid.  My ex pushes him out my front door and down the steps he lands on a table.  He rolls to the ground and my ex picks him up and launches him onto the lawn.  MCA and I are now blocking him telling him to go inside he does.  Mike D walks off again.  We try to tell my ex why this happened and all he can see is that Mike D is in the wrong for being loud and drunk…well news flash they all were.  Very loud and very drunk!!! 

Mike D came back one more time because he lost his cell phone I gave him a hug and told him he was dumb for doing that shit and that I understand.  Mike D found Ad-Rock passed out in the car.  They took off.  It was 4:30am and I had a parade to go to the next day so I didn’t even talk to my ex about it.  Just went to bed. 

Only MCA has talked to him so far he let him know that Mike D’s got a bruise on his kidneys from landing on that table.  I don’t know what else they said.  I don’t have Mike D’s number but I need to find it.  I feel bad that my ex was so rough with him.  Part of me wonders if Mike D tried to get my ex to hit him to help seal the deal with our break up.  I know not everything revolves around me but after our conversation at the begging of the night I can’t help but wonder.

Three day weekend with the kiddos…….

21 May

I’ve had a wonderful three day weekend.  I went to my son’s preschool and they had some firemen bring the fire truck and give a presentation and a tour.  It was so cute all those little kids sitting arround listening to the firemen and then climbing in their truck.  My youngest son got to hang out in the class he was totally happy.  It was really great to be there for that event.

The youngest and I went grocery shopping.  After pre-school I prepped and flee bombed the house.  While we waited for the toxins to clear I took the vacuum out for service, bought birthday gifts for the two party’s we attended later in the weekend and got some ice cream!  Got home and took care of the bombing stuff and made some killer jambalaya.

Waking up groggy after a long night with some minor drama (I’ll fill you in later) my Ex went to work and I took the boys to a parade.  We had a great time and then came home and worked on the laundry and cleaning up after the bomb.  Then my Dad and I worked on the trench for the french drain while I barbecued tri-tip with potatoes and corn cooked on the grill.  We got the thing all dug out and put the pipe in there.  Now I just need to make sure it’s graded right, add plastic lining and fill it up.  Later that night some more weirdness that I will again address in another post.

Sunday was birthday day.  I fought my hangover and got up early and made some killer breakfast burritos with chorizo.  We cleaned up the house and ran out and got a last minute gift for our first party (I had bought one for a girl that is older originally, oops).  We got there and the boys had a blast and the hosting Mommy is a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while.  She looked super cute and it was a lot of fun.  We left after my boys put the hurt on the pinata.  My youngest is three and is full of personality and he has never had a hair cut.  His long hair and boisterous attitude stole the show (as usual).  Our next party there were a lot of cool fun people the boys again had a great time.  At both parties the girls mentioned how they usually get to spend time with Rick but they are very happy to talk with me for a change.  That was super nice to hear especially with my nervousness on facing the world on my own with very few strong friendships. 



21 May

My lover is coming soon.  He’ll be taking a trip to see me and his friend in a near by town in just about three weeks.  I’m so excited to see him, to be held and kissed.  I’ve really missed being with someone I like that I want to be nice too.  I also am very nervous as well. My ex-fiance will be watching the kids.  I don’t really want this affair to be what drives him out of the house, though I am thinking it might have to be because he doesn’t seem to realize that he has to leave. 

Though I’ve been longing for Tom and honestly for some intimacy I’m a bit self conscious.  All this stress and turmoil has let me slide into a mopey tired state.  I’ve been eating too much and making poor food choices in the name of comfort.  I’ve lost my drive to be active and haven’t worked out or gone hiking for I don’t know how long.  I’m breaking out and having just battled flees I have little bites all over (flees love me, my parents always said it’s because I’m so sweet). 

 I’m going to try to make the most of these few weeks I have to repair the damage I’ve done in the last six months or so but it’s going to be a small dent in the big picture.  I’ve told Tom about this and he doesn’t care.  He says no matter what I’ll still be the same sweet girl he loves and he’ll be so happy to be with me. 

It’s weird I have times where I’m not excited at all to see Tom again.  I try not to associate my love for him with something that will ever be an US, if that makes any sense.  Truely I enjoy spending time with him and he makes me feel so good physically.  I just see how his life is flowing right, he’s traveling with the band, got a better position at work, getting his motorcycle running, has girls flirting with him all over the place, just bought a 1950 Buick to restore, fixing up his back yard and on and on…life with him just seems so charmed and effortless.  I guess the grass is always greener.

Nothing much….

17 May

I’ve been at a loss for what to write.  So many things going through my head and I’m just not feeling like myself.  I hope to write something soon.  There is a lot for me to think about.

Have a good one!

He gets me so turned on…..

13 May

Tom is living his life in his state and things seem to be fine over there.  He’s very sensitive to my situation and supportive.  He’s listened to my cry and talk in circles.  We are still trying to find a way to meet up but with all the mess that is going on in my life we have nothing planned or set.  I can’t wait to get my hands on him and it’s killing me.

He’s always told me he has luck with the ladies in the spring time but I thought he was just being silly.  He has proved me wrong.  He was talking about spending time with the band.  They were all drinking beer in a parking lot of a warehouse venue listening to some bands.  Shows over and they get to the bar one of the girls notices that they’d sat in beer.  Right as they walk into the bar the girl stops at a random table and shows them her ass asking if the wetness is noticeable.  The girls let her know it’s not too bad and she has a nice ass.  Tom seeing some fun girls slides in and starts talking.

He finds out one is married and she fools arround with the other girl.  The other girl doesn’t like him but the first girl does.  They chat the night away and end up making out some out back of the bar.  He gets her number and tells me the whole story the next day.  He’d told her about me too and showed her my boobies.  She liked what she saw.

They texted and Tom would tell me about their conversations.  Thinking about the two of them together was making me hot.  They planned a meeting and he texted me that he was off to meet her.  I sent him a text that I hope she sucks his dick and lets him take pictures.  He responds that I’m the best girlfriend ever with a drooly face and nothing else for the rest of the night.

The next day I couldn’t wait to hear the details.  He told me that she came and met him at a bowling alley but they spent their time in the parking lot in his truck.  They started talking and kissing.  Touching and biting.  Before he knew it they were naked in the back seat.  They agreed not to go all the way.  She likes her nipples bitten hard.  She likes to be forced a little.  He fingered her until she came more than once.  She did suck his dick and I was happy to hear she also couldn’t make him cum.  When he went down on her the first time she protested just a bit and when his tongue hit her soft pussy her resistance turned into moans. 

He told me how she sat on his lap and rubbed her wet pussy up and down his cock while kissing and biting him.  He’s telling her that if we were together I would eat her out while he fucks me from behind.  That while I’m working on her pussy she’ll feel every time he thrust into me by how my mouth moves on her.  That she can sit on his face while I ride his cock and we can kiss and play with each others breasts as he takes care of both of us from below.  As he’s telling her he’s fingering her and making her cum again. 

I know I like this girl because at the end of their evening Tom still hadn’t cum but she’d cum several times in the five hours they were fooling arround.  He is a difficult cummer and he started to masturbate.  She told him how hot that was and started to finger herself and pulling at her nipples while he came.

I got no pictures out of the deal but the story was so hot I had to rub one out in my car before returning to the office.  Since then she has sort of broke it off with him saying the guilt is weighing on her she is married and has been for only about a year.  She’s 26 and Tom is 42 he’s the oldest guy she’s ever fooled arround with.  Only time will tell if the guilt will be overshadowed by the lust he creates.  I know it worked for me.

I think he got it, shit….

11 May

It’s been a rough couple of days for me on the home front.  We had my youngest birthday and my now ex-fiance (it’s now on Facebook like that so it must be true right?) didn’t help as much as he should.  I honestly think he didn’t even see where he was falling behind.  As I’m readying the house for the guests, preparing the snacks and cleaning up at the end of the night, he’s following me arround trying to get hugs and kisses.

The next day he cleaned a good amount of the house.  Heated up some left over pizza for dinner while I dug on my french drain.  We had dinner together and somehow I felt like I needed to say that we aren’t all better.  Then back to work.  Digging until dark.

Later that night we sat in front of the tube.  I felt like I needed to tell him we need to keep progressing.  He needs to look for a way out, an income source this isn’t just going to go away.  It was rough stuff.  Hard for me to even say.  He just sat there looking slightly sad but mostly high falling in and out of consciousness close to emotionless.  The next morning I made breakfast and that is when the emotions came.  Crying, sobbing bawling.  I had errands to run so I took the kids and left him to his misery.  I didn’t know what else I could do.

Later that day I’m digging in the yard.  He’d been acting like he’s starting to hate me again and had unfriended me on Facebook after posting some sort of little sob that I’d told him he had to leave after he thought it could be fixed.  I went to look and saw that it still said I was engaged, it felt like a lie so I turned it to nothing thinking that I didn’t switch to single this should be under the radar but it wasn’t.  So, I went and told him I didn’t want him to hear it from anyone else.  Tom had told me he saw it on line.

He comes to me while I’m digging and offers to smoke some hash.  I do and we’re talking.  He confirms I’m going to the concert this weekend and that I have no sitter for him.  We I remind him go out the other nights it’s OK but did you have to make this such a big deal.  Then my 4 1/2 year old pipes up.  Daddy’s jealous that is why he’s so upset. My alarms go off.  My kid can’t think it’s OK to treat someone bad because you’re jealous.  I give him the run down right quick.  It’s OK to feel a little jealousy it’s natural sometimes but you can’t treat someone different because of it.  I told him about the Green Eyed monster.

That got my ex-fiance and I talking about the kids.  How I don’t want him to leave their lives, but I can’t have how he acts in their lives every day.  They need to learn work ethic.  They need to see how to treat your partner.  We talked about the times he’s hit me.  They are few and far between but he’s much bigger than I am and regardless of who started it (he says I did, I say he did). Men don’t hit women period.  He started to say that it’s been a long time since it’s happen, but when I said it was a long time between each incident he stopped.  I asked how many times should a woman alow a man to hit her and he said once and looked down. 

Here is where it really clicked.  I asked him how would his family’s lives be different if his Mom left his Dad when things started to get bad.  He looked at me really sad.  In my opinion his Dad ruined his family and still does.  He’s hit my ex-fiances Mom, oldest and youngest sisters.  He’s sold their stuff for crack.  Had hookers in the house doing crack in the bathroom.  He’s squandered the gifts that their Grandmother gave them such as a free house and mortgaged it until they had to file BK and flee to a state that is not community property.  His reckless behavior drove away his wifes loving close family to the point where they wrote her out of the will.  The only family member with children and they get squat.  Not to mention they rarely saw her and she really needed them. 

He said to me I’m so sorry.  You have been trying to tell me and I was too dumb to see it.  I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I see it all now and it’s too late.  I told him I don’t want to lead him on I don’t feel in my heart that things will work and I don’t see me wanting you like I should want a husband but I’d like it if you stayed close and built yourself back up.  We talked about maybe living together but not as a couple and I said the words, gulp, trial separation.  Then he left.  Hopefully he’ll find work and stay local.  I’m still not hopeful for a future with us but he needs to be with his boys.  He loves them so.