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After work….

23 Oct

 Tom sat and watched what I do and chatted with me between deals.  We went to the older part of our downtown and strolled arround holding hands.  We chose a pub to have a bite and a couple of beers.  I told him about some of the local breweries that had offerings on tap. We stared at each other talking and stealing brief kisses as we enjoyed our pastry wrapped bangers and beer.  With a little tiny buzz we headed back to my house.  

It was later and my boys were in bed.  He introduced himself to my Dad and tried to strike up a conversation.  Dad was quicker than usual to leave.  I had hoped they would talk more but maybe Dad was just giving us time alone. 

Once alone we found ourselves in the bedroom quickly.  We made love and the aftermath included a couple of showers.  The timing of his visit and my visitor were bad.  After cleaning up we held each other tight until we could no longer keep our eyes open.  He set his alarm for about 4am so he could sneak out before the boys woke.  I love falling asleep with my head on his chest.  His arms wrapped arround me.  Waking together and kissing.  Making love before he had to leave.  Things were going very well and we were just getting started.  It was only Friday night (and early Saturday morning)  and he was staying in town until Monday morning.

The arrival…..

1 Oct

I had the best weekend I can remember.  Tom is now driving back to his state.  A ten hour drive, 653 miles he will drive it in one shot.  Just like he did when he came to see me.  He left work early Thursday.  He loaded up his truck with the things he would need to help me and stopped by to say good bye to his wife before leaving town.  I talked with him on my lunch break until he lost signal. 

He said he should make it to town between midnight and one am.  When I got home I got busy.  Mopping, tidying up, getting the patio ready…I was getting things close to how I wanted them to be when my love arrived.  At 11 o’clock was just taking a break to prepare myself for his arrival a little orgasm to take the edge off my nerves and freshen up some.  

My phone had frozen up so I turned it off and pant’s off in my bedroom I turned it back on.  This new phone boots up quick.  Instantly I see I have a picture message.  It’s my house numbers.  I call him.  Stuttering ,”How did you get here so fast? oh my god I’m not ready.”.  I’m putting on pants as I’m walking to the door.  I let my dogs out first so they don’t wake the children as they get to know him. 

They seem unphased by him.  I grab him seconds after they sniff him and we hold each other tight kissing passionately.  I take him into the house.  I can’t remember if I gave him a tour.  I know we ended up in the bedroom.  I had not yet made the bed.  It didn’t matter we locked the door and kissed like teenagers.  So happy to be together again.  I started to undo his belt, his pants…he stood up and took them off.  I took off everything.  We pressed against each other savoring the skin to skin contact we’d been longing for.  I slid down and started to lick him and kiss him.  Finally taking him into my mouth giving him a very attentive blow job.  I’m paying attention to the details.  Caressing his balls as I suck him deeply, creating a rhythm with my hand and mouth.  Keeping as much suction as I can.  Taking him deep and cramming his cock against the back of my throat.  Letting him trust up as much as he would like into my waiting mouth while he grips a fist full of my hair.  I’m so wet.  I hear what I’ve been waiting for the change in his breathing.  He says,” Oh, fuck yeah baby I’m cumming. I’m cumming.”. I feel him starting to ease off thrusting and then my mouth is filled with his seed.  I suck and lick and keep him moaning for as long as I can.  He never gets soft.  He’s still ready to fuck me. 

I lay next to him and I feel euphoric too.  We are both just enjoying the afterglow of an amazing blow job.  It’s the first time he’s cum in my mouth from head alone and I’m loving it.  He is still hard.  I am still horny.  After a little rest we’re kissing and touching again.  He’s rubbing my pussy and I’m so wet.  His fingers feel amazing.  He gets between my legs and starts rubbing me with the head of his cock.  He’s driving me madd and then he suddenly slides into me all the way making me gasp.  He’s fucking me slowly and deep.  It feels amazing.  Something I’ve been waiting for so long.  The rhythm gets faster, my legs are up on his shoulders and I’m squeezing my thighs together and he’s getting that look.  I swear I feel his cock swell before he says he’s cumming again.  When he’s to the point he can no longer thrust I use my legs to pull up against his dick.  The pressure causing him to moan each time I pull up.  We lay together for a short while before showering up and dressing again.

Since the boys are home he cannot stay with me.  We cuddle for a few minutes but he is sleepy from the 10 hour drive to my home.  His hotel will not be ready until the next day at 2pm so I give him a blanket and a pillow and he says he will sleep in his truck.  He will stay by my office so I can see  him before work and at lunch.  I’ll be working late the next day and he has plans for us.  I see him out and go to sleep so excited for tomorrow.

(Un)reasonable doubt……

19 Sep

This feels weird to write but it’s how I feel. My love, this wonderful man who loves me dearly and is going to move 700 miles to date me I am feeling unsure about our future. It might just be due to the turmoil I’m going through. I look forward to the fun we will have, the experiences we will share and the life we can build together with both of us working hard. Something in me is loosing the enthusiasm I once had. It might just be my own lack of confidence. Things have changed, some days I’m not sure if I’m wanting to talk.  Some times I feel pulled away from cleaning and days where I’m with my family and I don’t talk to him I get the feeling he is getting upset because I’m not making time for him.  However that might just be in my head from how I was trained to be with Dick.

He is starting to make little moves in his own life towards leaving his wife, his state and his job.  Cleaning out old things, paying off debt, having talks with his wife.  It is making it all more real.  We talked that we would date.  That I should date other men and he should date women.  His dating he has put into the less important category because he has been single as an adult he has dated and he says he knows what he wants and that is me.  Where I have no real experience, I need to squelch any what if’s and see if there is a better match.  I worry what if there is or worse what if there is a superficial match and I don’t see the douche in them.  Above all what if he changes his whole life to be with me and it doesn’t happen. 

Tom went on a romantic get away with his wife.  It was more of an attempt to see if there was a spark as they both have talked about feeling like good friends not husband and wife.  He said that they did do a bit of kissing at the start but there was virtually nothing else.  She didn’t try to cuddle up to him, hold his hand or initiate anything sexual.  It was her time of the month but there are other ways to be intimate with your husband and he said there was not so much as a hand in his lap.  He called me most of the trip.  Telling me how much he loves me and misses me.  I was cleaning one night with my Dad and was not near my phone and he called maybe three times and by the last call he sounded pretty disappointed that I had not answered.  I am even feeling that he’s needing much more attention than he has ever required even outside of this trip.  That is probably normal and the effects of the risks and changes he is taking. 

I wonder if all this stems from me starting a relationship at the wrong time.  He could really be what I’ve thought for the last year or so…..the best thing that ever happened to me.  I still wonder if my attachment came from having such a horrible situation.  Or maybe that I’m afraid of loneliness and not finding anyone else.  We are very different but a lot of the same.  With that said he is very different from Dick.  There will be no crazy tweekers, no douchey idiots that we hang out with and party, no doing coke together and he probably will not get along with a lot of the acquaintances that I probably need to get rid of anyway.  Those things are kinda scary.

These feelings come and go.  In fact since I started writing this Monday they have gone away again and I’m super excited to see him and eventually date him and possibly live the rest of my life with him.  I hope this is all normal and not just a away that my subconscious is warning me.  Only time will tell.  After I get a new life in order with Dick as a co-parent instead of someone I have to worry about every interaction I think things will start to level off.

What’s going on with my Ex (Dick)…..

4 Sep

Up to this point….hmmm I have a restraining order that includes a move out order in place against Dick.  He refused to commit to leaving so I had to force it.  Plus every conversation seemed to degrade into him calling me names a break and then teary apologies for how he just treated me.  He’s taking muscle relaxers, pain pills, mood stabilizers and anti anxiety drugs.  That is on top of smoking weed and taking heart and diabetes medicine and it’s just a matter of time until he gets shit housed again.  I truly worry that all these things could make him snap under this stress.

He is working for a tweaker tattoo artist wh0 we hung out with a lot before his life went down the shitter and became a tweaker.  He was to be living in a trailer out back of the guys antique shop but things went South quick.  The second night he was gone I got a text that the guy broke Dick’s guitars, amp and pedals or something and locked him out.  Dick does have my car.  He went back to work for him.  Part of the work is putting things on Ebay and the money goes into a joint account Dick and I share.  I get a long text from the tattoo artist that Dick has done him wrong that I should tell him how to find him he could fix my problems and make Dick disappear and by the way he knows where I live.  I talk to Dick and he says that not only is this guy threatening his life but mine and the boys.  This is over bucks!  I tell Dick to fix this now or I will put the kids somewhere and handle it myself.  He says he’s sick and throwing up but he will fix it.  I talk to Tom about it and he says some one threatens my family I would hit them upside the head with a 2×4.  Tom isn’t the type to be mixed up with this type of person however I can belive he would take care of business if forced.  I a moment of weakness I texted Dick: Are you going to step up and hit **** for threatening your family or do you only hit girls?  Of course I got no response.  He paid the guy his money and then went back to work for him the next day. 

I don’t know where he stays.  I don’t know when he’ll want to see the kids next.  I don’t know when he will get his fucking shit out of my house.  It’s all very weird.  I do know I’ll see him at the court date later on this month.  I wonder how it will go.  I just need him to stay moved out and not to freak out.  He has done very well so far.  I don’t know if it’s because he’s afraid of the courts and police or if he’s just as done as I am.  We will see soon.

Post 200 and time for a new name……

3 Sep

This is my 200th post!  I can’t belive I’ve written so much and I love to look back at how this weird wonderful love story has unfolded.  I started out sad and stuck but full of excitement and lust for this man who is unlike anyone I’d ever met.  I was torn, knowing what I was doing was wrong by my standards.  Torn about whether my relationship with Dick was worth saving or it was just too toxic to exist.  I look back and I can see my lust and curiosity with Tom turned into caring and loving.  My desire to have him in my life changed from a rescue me with your solid hard working sweet ways to knowing I don’t have to be saved that he will enhance the life I will build on my own. 

I plan to write more, once I can access my home PC or buy a lap top (Dick password protected the home PC and now I cannot log on).  I’ve been trying to be more focused at work however now I have a bunch of side things to do with courts, bills and child care.  So my writing and reading time is low but I intend to come back and write more because I love being able to look back and see how things have changed.  To read how I’ve felt about Tom and myself and even Dick.   

So now I’m not torn.  I feel sure of my path whether it is with Tom or not I need to build a good life for my kids, my dogs and I without Dick.  I will have some set backs and confusion but I won’t feel torn like I did when I started this blog.  I’m thinking I need a new name.  I was hoping to get a fw comments with suggestions.  I have not yet put any thought into it other than my name no longer fits my situation.

Getting to know each other in a whole new way….

4 Jul

When we got home from camping we went to my Mom’s house for a BBQ and some swimming.  We got home late and I got the kids down rather quickly.  Since our dogs had been cooped up that was the perfect excuse to get out of the house so I could call Tom.

We talked for two hours.  It was a lot.  He sounded so concerned and serious.  At times even nervous and on edge.  With all that I could hear the love in his voice too.  I voiced my concern about the seemly sudden change in him and asked him why.  Tom told me he had felt that way for a long time now.  That he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to influence my situation with my now ex-fiance. 

He let me know that his wife is a very good girl.  He loves her for it, but their love is turning into more of a friendship.  That he wants more in a marriage to be truly happy on all levels.  The thought of hurting her kills him but with me or without me he needs to move on. Spontaneity was one of the things he mentioned enjoying with me that he doesn’t have at home. He told me that since we’d met he and his wife had only made love two times.  I asked him if he’d talked to her about it? Can they work it out?   He was resolute in telling me that it is just her way and he doesn’t want her to change who she is to be what he needs.  My heart sank a little for the both of them but I do understand. 

We talked about getting to know each other.  He didn’t know my middle name and I had forgotten his.  Both of us intend to find the right person to spend the rest of our lives with and we needed to be sure before any big steps were taken.  Now don’t get all excited that we are running away together next week.  We both have a lot on our plates.  His father lives with him and he won’t want to move.  He must finish caring for his Dad before he can consider moving to California.  I will have to get an arrangement set with my ex and honestly need to be a grown up on my own.  To come into my own before we decide to start a life together.  I do want to go on a few dates.  That may seem odd from what you’ve read about my love for Tom, but I feel like if I don’t explore the adult dating world I might have that what if in the back of my head if I didn’t at least see what it’s like.  He also would go on dates too. 

Our next few conversations would go like this.  I would read into his voice a seriousness and a certain amount of apprehension or concern that seemed very different to me.  I was worried and felt very bad that maybe reading all those 180 and posts in less than a week was tweaking his brain.  In those first few talks I almost felt he was sizing up the chances for us to work.  Looking for my definitive answer.  Worried that it could be a no.

  On my part I felt a strange urgency to give myself to him to let him know everything I could about me.  How I am from day to day.  What can I let him know to show my flaws or things that might rub him the wrong way?  How horrible my ex might be and how I’ll probably be financially stretched taking care of the boys with most likely no help from their father.  No amount of words can really let us know what it will be like living with the other person.  Our intention is to try to learn as much as possible until we can spend more time together.  Taking things one step at a time over the next few years to see if this is going to work in real life.

Sorry to make you wait….

23 Apr

We were flirting a bit.  He is a handsome Marine and I’m fucking horny, how could I not.  He was brining me beers and opening them.  His mom and my dad were taking and he was playing me music videos.  He only talked a bit about his time in Iraq clearing IEDs.  When my Dad talked about death I was distracted by wondering how much death he had seen overseas. 

He was playful and quietly teased he thought he could get my dad to dance.  He tried playfully to get him to boogie getting some good laughs for his efforts.  It was really quite charming.  At some point in the conversation I let “Get ‘er done.” Oh, how he teased me.  I don’t look like a get ‘er done chick.  Betty bangs, flower in my hair, gauges in my ears. I reminded him I’m hanging out with my dad in a trailer park of course I have a rough side. 

Shortly after he came back with a 2nd 18 pack his mom who was his ride said she had to go home to her new husband and she would need to drop him off at his grandmothers where he was staying while he is going to school.  I liked him and wanted our flirting to continue so I kept him.  He was new to the area and having fun his mom thought it was a good idea. 

It was getting later and my Uncle, his step daughter and her fiancé had just come over to see my Dad.  They are a rough crowd, fitting more than one “You might be a redneck” stereo types.  My new Marine friend had no jacket so he went into the house.  I followed him in.  He put on some more danceable music and he tried to get me to dance.  I wasn’t feeling taking the lead so I kept hoping he’d slide into me and press his hips against mine getting me started but he never did. 

Getting pretty tipsy I was getting more flirty and so was he. He caught me giggling to myself and asked why I was laughing at him. After trying my best not to answer (knowing my answer would push things further), I gave in and said it’s because I think he’s cute. 

We decided to try a game of chess.  While looking for the chess board he put his hand arround my waist here and there.  Our game was set and as I was contemplating a move he poked the side of my boob and smiled at me.  I went back to concentrating and made a pretty strong move.  Things escalated in the name of distraction.  Tickeling and grabbing trying to throw off each others game.  He finally got brave and kissed my neck.  I leaned over to him and kissed him back.  Then back to concentrating on the game. 

I ran my hand up his leg and he did the same to me.  Next thing you know he leans over and bites me hard on the neck.  Oh how wonderful, chills over my whole body.  Like he knows what I want to hear he asks if I want him to dominate me.  He pulls up my shirt and bites my nipple and I’m running my hands over his muscular chest.  I’m suddenly yanked on top of him kissing him passionately as he grinds into me from below.  I hear footsteps.

My Dad pops in, grabs a few beers and then back out.  We keep making out in short bursts I’m nervous I don’t want to do anything to bother my Dad (not to say he would be upset but I don’t want to have him feel like he needs to keep a secret of mine).  I stand up and try to keep my distance.  He steps into me kissing me hard and pushes me over the side of the couch grinding his hard-on into me.  I let my weight drop back and we end up on the floor…me on top grinding him putting my breasts in his face.

I get nervous again.  Back to playing chess, rubbing legs, chests, little bites and kisses.  My hand starts to evaluate the shape of his cock.  It’s just right for a lot of fun.  It’s hard and ready.  He pulls it out and brings my hand down to stroke his shaft while he rubs my pussy through my pants.  I start to get shy again and put my chess face back on and he squeezes his cock teasing me with what I want.  I can see the tip shimmer with pre-cum and he wants me to put his hard member into my mouth.

I want to play but oh God I don’t want my Dad to come in and me with my boobs out and cock in my mouth.  I tell him no with a smile.  He wipes it off with his finger and has me suck off the juices.  I can hear my uncle leaving so we button ourselves up for some good byes.  My Dad is now seeing them off and having another smoke.  My Marine friend is following me arround as I’m cleaning up.  Stealing kisses, grabbing and rubbing me.  When I bend over to get the trash he slides his hand down the back of my pants into my panties.  He slides his finger along my wet lips driving me crazy.  He wraps his other hand arround my waist and pulls me into him my back against his chest.  Leaning in close his breath on my neck he bites me hard again while he slips two fingers inside of me.  Holding me tight against him he works my ready pussy.  He’s up to three fingers and I’m moaning and wiggling against his hold.  Just a minute or two longer I’m bucking against him cumming in his hand.  After he feels me get off he releases me to turn around and kiss him.  Putting his two fingers in our mouths while we kiss.  Tasting my juices.

I’m still flush when my Dad comes back in to lock up the house.  I’m taking him with me for the night so he doesn’t have to sleep alone in the house he once shared with my Uncle.  My Marine friend hops in back and we drop him off at his house.  Back at my house we’re texting and he’s pushing for me to meet him.  He doesn’t know me so he doesn’t understand that it’s impossible for me to do without big trouble.  I know the next day will be very busy so I tell him if he keeps me interested that I will meet him in two days.  I ask if he will stay interested and he says that he kinda likes me.  We say a few other horny nasty things to each other and my fiancé walks up and pulls the phone out of my hands.  He demands to know what I am doing.  The phone loses charge and shuts down as soon as it leaves my fingers.  Trying to hide my relief I tell him playing scrabble.

The next morning I see my neck is bruised from the biting.  Some quick cover up and good as new.  I text my Marine friend that he’s marked me.  No response.  Later I talk to my Dad and he lets me know that my Marine’s friends Mom called my Dad to check on him.  I text that to my new friend.  No response.  I’m starting to feel a bit dirty but I wonder if maybe he’s just not into texting.  One more try, so on Wednesday the day we talked about meeting.  I sent text early.  Nothing.  I sent one a little before lunch.  Already I’m thinking if this guy comes through I’m not having sex with him.  I’ve brought a chess board (we never finished our game) my office had lunch catered so I can bring lunch for free.  So I send another text: “Hey, are you still going to meet me for lunch and a little game?”  Nothing.  A few hours later I text him that  an I’m not interested would have been nice and that I’ll stop bugging him and deleted him from my phone.  What started with a bang ended with a whimper.  Shitty to be rejected but it’s probably better off anyway.