Archive | July, 2011

Just like my Mom…..

28 Jul

People say you’re going to turn out like your parents. It’s something that I always shrugged off thinking no way I’m totally different. Now looking at my life and my Mom’s I’m starting to wonder if I was very wrong. My Mom I’ve heard was a bit of a party girl, of course I was a party girl. I took it way further than she did though. She met my Dad when they were young and were together since they were teenagers. Check, met my fiancé in continuation school. My Mom always worked, my Mom’s family helped them with a down payment for their first house. Same here. They had kids in their late 20’s. My Dad started not working, not helping around the house, name calling, drinking heavily and being distant. Yes, my fiancé doesn’t work, does a poor job around the house, he doesn’t drink like my Dad but he takes pills and smokes weed. After dinner he disappears untill late at night. My Mom and Dad split up when I was about 10 my little bro was about 8. Me and Tom have talked about being together, for real and our discussion was maybe not right now but who knows what will happen in 5 years or so. Guess how old my kids will be then. Right?? OK, my Mom is happily engaged to a hard-working, dedicated guy who is super nice and enjoys the outdoors and is very different from my Dad. He has been married 2x’s already. Tom’s currently on his 2nd marriage. It might all mean nothing at all, but wow it sure is weird.

He gets me so turned on……

27 Jul

Tom and I have not gotten to talk as much since he went back home. What we have had has been short and under different circumstances than our usually conversations. Last night I went out for a night conversation like we to have almost religiously. We talked about some everyday stuff but when we started talking about sex I got that feeling. Like a shot of energy that shoots up from my pussy giving my whole body tingle. He said how much he wants to fuck me again. How he loved when I sucked his cock. I was sitting and got up to walk some more and the movement of walking was exciting me. I was so turned on I got weak in the knees. I’m getting wet now just thinking about the sound of his voice and the sexy things he says to me.

 Last night I knew he was jerking off thinking of me. I love that. I’m like his centerfold, so sweet and so hot. I however didn’t have the opportunity to pleasure myself untill the next morning. I woke up still thinking about him (I feel like I’m always thinking about him). I took the vibrator that he picked out for me and closed my eyes, imaging it was Tom inside of me and came. Then I used my hands and came again before dozing off for another 15 minutes or so. I took some pictures and sent them to him, knowing he was at work and he would have a hard on while on the sales floor. That turned me on more and I had to cum one more time before taking a shower. I don’t know when I can see him again but I want him so bad. The way he talked to me last night I know he wants me too.

Work harder, damn it…..

26 Jul

I’ve made a commitment to myself that I will get shit back on track for me. I’ve been kinda slacking on housework. Letting the excuse that I’ve worked all day, taken care of the kids untill 9:30 and I’m tired and need to relax. Bull shit, I can do it all. So I will. I also need to make time to talk to Tom at night but I know I can fit it all in. Plus right now he is very tied up, he has a major priority taking up a lot of his time. His kid is spending a few weeks with him. When I look around at my disorganized things and dirty windows I think not only do I want to get it in order for myself; but if Tom were miraculously able to come and visit would he think less of me? I can do more, I can’t let the poor me I have very little help be an excuse. So maybe I burn the candle at both ends for a bit but it will be worth it. I still check my phone way too much but I’m getting better at it and I think this might be a great way to take my mind off of how much I wish he was around and the creeping feelings of doubt I’m starting to get (damn female hormones). The better I feel about myself, my home and my life the better my relationship will be both here and home and 700 miles away.

Jealous….Who, me?

25 Jul

I’m not the jealous type. I’m kinda pretty and have big boobs and nice curves. What guy wouldn’t want me (said with a half cocked smile)? On top of it I like girls. If a hot girl is hitting on my man I’m in there trying to see if she likes me too! I have had more than one person ask how I keep from being jealous. So now I have this weird situation. Tom is very good with the ladies. I find that very attractive. I get turned on thinking of these things but I also have a new and different feeling that is coming along with it, jealousy. I think it’s because they can be with him, those women are there with him. His storeys become kinda bitter-sweet. If I could just get my hands on him more frequently I think would be only sweet and possibly really hot! I don’t want him to change a thing other than being so far away.

Damn, I’m screwed…..

25 Jul

So I didn’t plan for any of this. I was trying to get shit together in my life and then I met Tom. I was eating better, exercising and getting on top of all the shit I had to do at home. I was coming to terms that I am going to have to do most of it without my fiance’s help.

Work is going very well. Everything outside of my relationship was getting get better because I was working hard on it. Now I’m constantly distracted. I can’t stop checking my phone looking for his next text, picture or word on our scrabble games. I’m thinking of what can I say to him to start a conversation or just make him feel special.

I was doing OK at kind of ignoring my fiance but now I have no patience for him. I don’t want to see him be lazy, I react even worse to him being mean to me. I just plain don’t want to be around him a lot of the time. When my fiance is being nice and “good” I feel guilty. I know he’ll be heartbroken if he found out. Years ago I told him I wouldn’t cheat, I would just leave him. I had made good on that for so long. Now with the boys I can’t see separating them from their Dad but I don’t see their Dad being the best influence on their lives. On top of all of this even though I’m the only earner I don’t think I could pay for childcare. I hate to be dependant on him but that’s what I got now.

I find myself all the time dreaming of a life with Tom. He’ll say to me he wishes he could be a part of my life, that he would like to have me there to kiss in the mornings and make me dinner when I come home from work. Reality is he has a great life. He doesn’t need an instant couple of little kids. He has some awesome friends where he’s at and to be together he would need to come to me because of my job and my family. No matter how much I dream about a life with Tom I know it’s not really possible at least for now. I keep trying to think of how to tell him maybe this is too much for me but I don’t want to change our relationship. I love talking to him. Texting and sending pictures. I love the idea that someday we can spend more time together maybe even live together. The reality sets in and it just doesn’t seem possible or practical. Now I find myself tearing up at the thought of all these things. I’m screwed, I did it to myself and I don’t know what to do.

Back at home…..

25 Jul

I found out on my way home that my fiance had the flu. I got home around dinner time, I had picked up some food for the kids. Looking around the place was trashed the kids were still in their PJ’s. I felt lucky he was feeling so bad because he didn’t want to talk about my “business” trip. I tried to keep busy cleaning and hanging out with my kids but it was still realy hard not to think of how much I missed him. He was stuck at the airport, he had to spend the night there. I felt so bad. We were texting each other. He even said he would go through all the trouble again just to spend the time with me. We had joked that before he left he would need to be mean to me so it wouldn’t be so hard to let him go. It was sure sweet and funny when he tried to be mean. Just made me want to keep him more. Late that night I got sent out to the market so I took that time to call him. We talked a little and I had to go to run my errand. He would not arrive home untill the next day.

The day he left…..

25 Jul

We woke up together and started kissing, hugging, touching. Before we knew it we were making love again. Both of us were sore but we couldn’t stay away from each other especially today our last day together untill, well I don’t know when. We showered together and packed our things away. We searched out a little breakfast restraunt and sat across from each other talking about what to do with our time together. I had wanted to take him to this fort on the water. It has a bunch of rooms and nooks we could fool around in I was totally excited to show him the views and the history of the place. When we got there it was closed. He took some photos of the outside of the fort. I loved the angles he chose to shoot. I kept grabbing him and hugging him, holding him close.

We drove off, I went the wrong way and ended up at another old military area by the sea. We wandered arround and found what looked to be an abandoned building. He took me by the hand and went around to the back of the building. He gave me this mischievous smile as he led me arround to the hidden area. He pressed me against the concrete wall kissing me passionately. I grabbed his ass (he has a great butt) and kissed him hard back. My hands groping his pants as we are making out. I started to undo his belt and opened his pants. I undid my pants and slid down and took his cock in my mouth. Making sure it was very hard and very wet before standing back up. I turned to face the wall and leaned over. My hand underneath me grabbing his cock and bringing it to me. When he entered me I got chills, it was so exciting. He held my hips and trust into me quick. It felt so good. I could feel him about to cum and told him how I want him to cum inside of me. I’m getting wet now just thinking about it. We kissed again as we put ourselves back together. We walked around the building holding hands and smiling at each other. Then I hear the sound of children. Turns out the building we thought was empty was a gymnasium. No one seemed to notice us so we just walked out together to explore the rest of the area.

We found a place to get coffee.  It was a short drive a way and was very unique to the city we were in. It was getting closer to the time he would need to catch his flight. He had found out that his flight was again delayed. I tried to steal the time with him, but he wanted to make sure he was waiting for the plane and we made a quick stop looking arround at another record store and then off to the airport.

He played a song, maybe a Shane McGowan song and it hit me that I don’t know when we’ll be together again. We had such a good time. Then I was crying, I tried for a minute to hide it. I smiled through my tears and had him change the music. He found some comedy bit about Dixon Nuts and Cayman Spices. He had me laughing before my tears even dried. On the way to the airport I took off my bra and had him playing with my boobs. I love his touch, it made the ride so much nicer. When we got to the airport I dropped him at the curb. We made out for a few minutes holding each other tight. As I drove away the tears started coming and I couldn’t stop them. He had said to me before our trip that he wanted me to love him more when he left and I did. I had fallen in love with him completely and now he was gone. Holy shit what do I do now.