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The arrival…..

1 Oct

I had the best weekend I can remember.  Tom is now driving back to his state.  A ten hour drive, 653 miles he will drive it in one shot.  Just like he did when he came to see me.  He left work early Thursday.  He loaded up his truck with the things he would need to help me and stopped by to say good bye to his wife before leaving town.  I talked with him on my lunch break until he lost signal. 

He said he should make it to town between midnight and one am.  When I got home I got busy.  Mopping, tidying up, getting the patio ready…I was getting things close to how I wanted them to be when my love arrived.  At 11 o’clock was just taking a break to prepare myself for his arrival a little orgasm to take the edge off my nerves and freshen up some.  

My phone had frozen up so I turned it off and pant’s off in my bedroom I turned it back on.  This new phone boots up quick.  Instantly I see I have a picture message.  It’s my house numbers.  I call him.  Stuttering ,”How did you get here so fast? oh my god I’m not ready.”.  I’m putting on pants as I’m walking to the door.  I let my dogs out first so they don’t wake the children as they get to know him. 

They seem unphased by him.  I grab him seconds after they sniff him and we hold each other tight kissing passionately.  I take him into the house.  I can’t remember if I gave him a tour.  I know we ended up in the bedroom.  I had not yet made the bed.  It didn’t matter we locked the door and kissed like teenagers.  So happy to be together again.  I started to undo his belt, his pants…he stood up and took them off.  I took off everything.  We pressed against each other savoring the skin to skin contact we’d been longing for.  I slid down and started to lick him and kiss him.  Finally taking him into my mouth giving him a very attentive blow job.  I’m paying attention to the details.  Caressing his balls as I suck him deeply, creating a rhythm with my hand and mouth.  Keeping as much suction as I can.  Taking him deep and cramming his cock against the back of my throat.  Letting him trust up as much as he would like into my waiting mouth while he grips a fist full of my hair.  I’m so wet.  I hear what I’ve been waiting for the change in his breathing.  He says,” Oh, fuck yeah baby I’m cumming. I’m cumming.”. I feel him starting to ease off thrusting and then my mouth is filled with his seed.  I suck and lick and keep him moaning for as long as I can.  He never gets soft.  He’s still ready to fuck me. 

I lay next to him and I feel euphoric too.  We are both just enjoying the afterglow of an amazing blow job.  It’s the first time he’s cum in my mouth from head alone and I’m loving it.  He is still hard.  I am still horny.  After a little rest we’re kissing and touching again.  He’s rubbing my pussy and I’m so wet.  His fingers feel amazing.  He gets between my legs and starts rubbing me with the head of his cock.  He’s driving me madd and then he suddenly slides into me all the way making me gasp.  He’s fucking me slowly and deep.  It feels amazing.  Something I’ve been waiting for so long.  The rhythm gets faster, my legs are up on his shoulders and I’m squeezing my thighs together and he’s getting that look.  I swear I feel his cock swell before he says he’s cumming again.  When he’s to the point he can no longer thrust I use my legs to pull up against his dick.  The pressure causing him to moan each time I pull up.  We lay together for a short while before showering up and dressing again.

Since the boys are home he cannot stay with me.  We cuddle for a few minutes but he is sleepy from the 10 hour drive to my home.  His hotel will not be ready until the next day at 2pm so I give him a blanket and a pillow and he says he will sleep in his truck.  He will stay by my office so I can see  him before work and at lunch.  I’ll be working late the next day and he has plans for us.  I see him out and go to sleep so excited for tomorrow.

It starts with a night out…..

21 Nov

It’s starting to get weird.  We still have been on odd terms.  Nitpicking  each other over chores and money.  His crying the blues that we aren’t having sex.  We still have not made any plans to improve the situation since neither one of us will taken enough blame to satisfy the other. 

I worked Friday from 9am to 10:30pm between both jobs.  I only saw my boys in the morning.  When I got home they were already a sleep.  Saturday I took the boys out for a hike.  We climbed and ran.  Collected fall leaves and had a picnic in the forest.  We checked out mushrooms and mossy rocks.  We had a great time.  They got home and had a good long nap.

That night my coworker was meeting one of our clients for cocktails.  I don’t get to go out much on my own especially since I don’t have many girlfriends.  I was excited to go.  He didn’t argue with me going out.  He always asks when I will get home (I never ask him).  It was a client I have not hung out with before and my coworkers sitter couldn’t stay late so I told him I thought it would be an early night.

We went out and had a cocktail or two at a local Mexican resteraunt.  My client was a lot of fun.  When my coworker left she and I went out to a brew pub and had a pint and checked out a cover band playing music from our highschool days.  It was a nice time.  We made plans to go out again some time,  maybe even catch a show.  I had texted my fiancé that I would be finishing my beer and leaving soon. 

I had to grab some milk and such from the supermarket.  It was very cold out my trunk was like a freezer, so I went out to get one more beer after the market.  I went to my old local hang out.  I spent every Tuesday and Sunday there for a long while maybe 7 or 8 years ago.  While the crowd was not the same the bartender was.  I sat on my own and had a pint of Guinness. 

Eventually I struck up a conversation with the old couple next to me.  Then I met a man who was enchanted with me when I went out to smoke.  I blew him off but it’s always good for the ego.  It was karaoke night so there were quite a few characters out.  The singing was bad but it was entertaining.  I met a transgender girl who used to work at a topless resteraunt in Houston, TX.  Then the fella two chairs over flagged me down and we started chatting.  He insisted on buying me one more beer.  Cute guy ex military covered in ink and worked with a large shipping company.  The woman I was talking to earlier says the guy across the bar has been stairing at you all night.  She asked if I was interested in him.  I told her I’m not really interested in anybody, not wanting to get into a longer story.  She then say the guy next to me and said oh, he’s much cuter. 

By this time my fiancé is texting me and I forgot my original text that I would be home soon.  It’s 1am and he wants fast food.  I tell him I will bring it, sorry I’m late and go to leave.  I have one more smoke before taking off and start off a conversation with a large amature comedian that was fucking funny.  I spent a little more time than I should have talking to him but it was fun.

I got home shortly after with the groceries and fast food.  Catching an earful from my fiancé about how I’m bad with my phone.  Got drilled about my where abouts and why I didn’t answer my phone.  Honestly I didn’t hear the phone calls but I did respond to the texts.  I hate talking to him when he’s already riled up so I just avoided the whole situation. 

All and all I had a good time.  I wish it didn’t rock the boat at home but it seems to be the price of me going out solo.

A plan to make a plan….

25 Oct

I’m back to a weepy insecure mess.  Last week I did very poorly on my duties around the house.  I let go of the purse strings just to have an easy week.  I keep saying in my head that one night I need to sit my fiancé down and make a plan for the housework, yard work and general up keep.  Being so lazy though I haven’t felt that it was the right time to try to get him to buy in to a plan.  My goal is to have a neater more organised home with him contributing regularly.  I feel like my complaining gets no where it’s when there is a plan that we can measure results and from there I can start to see if we need to call things quits or if there is some teamwork to be salvaged.

Money, oh how I hate to think about you.  Since I got home I have not checked my bank account.  I’m behind on several bills and just don’t want to face the music.  I know I need to also set a budget and a plan, however when I try to write things down I come up short.  I’ve decided that I’m going to pull my head out of my ass and take care of it this week.  I will come up with a plan and get his buy in and then take away his debt card (he acts like a compulsive spender).  I’ve applied for jobs on line and I will start my job search in person.  I’ll also need to talk to my phone, cable and internet providers to work the bills down.  I think I’ll pick a fight with my mortgage company to try to bring that down too. 

Maybe now that I’ve written this stuff down I can make some progress!

Donna Reed eats dollar bills…..

26 Sep

I’ve been trying to focus on my home life.  Though I can’t get Tom out of my mind I know I need to step back or something really bad will happen.  I’m not sure what really bad is but I’d rather not find out.  I was lucky enough to have a 4 day weekend and I went for it like a modern-day Donna Reed.  I cleaned, organised, did yard work and maitenence.  Made breakfast lunch and dinner every day.  Laundry, oh the laundry!  I took the boys on an awesome hike.  We had so much fun chasing frog and lizards.  We climbed and bounced on trees.  On the way home they were pooped and when we got home they could not stop talking about our adventures! 

I’ve mentioned before my Fiance has not worked for a long while and is a spender.  Well this has finally become a problem.  With his messed up knee and laundry list of medications and aliments he is unable to work and has not found any other means of supporting the family (or his spending habits).  It’s come to the point where I’m applying for a night job.  I work full time and my job has good pay but it’s still not enough.  It’s not only embarrassing to have to work a 2nd job but to say my Fiance doesn’t work and has no income leaves me open to get a lot of opinions and weird looks.  Strangely enough last time this happened ( I was pregnant) the only job that I could find was inventory for minimum wage.  I hope that is not the case this time.  Needless to say this doesn’t make it any easier to work on my relationship with him.

Prison Wives…..

31 Aug

My fiancé called me in the bedroom.  He says you have to see this.  It was a show called prison wives.  The ones I saw on the show had married their husbands/prisoners while they were in prison.  They went on about how great their husbands are.  They are rapists and murders but these woman could not get enough of them.  One woman was struggling for money but didn’t want her prison husband to take a job inside because it would cut into their visitation time.  Weird stuff, right?  So I go back about my business cleaning the kids room.  My fiancé comes in and starts talking about the show some more.  He talks about how these woman are head over heels for these men that they have never had a relationship with outside of prison.  That it’s easy to get caught up in the nice words, a touch here and there if you spend hardly any time together.  I’m thinking of Tom as he’s talking.  He’s going on about how when you don’t have to worry about the division of housework and bills everything seems more rosey with that person.  He tells me how one of the women describes how she feels that rush of new love when she sees or talks to her prison boyfriend.  My fiancé says that it’s the limited contact that is probably driving those feelings.  My mind is working against me, I feel the stinging in the eyes like I want to cry.  I’m trying not to show that he’s talking about me. I’m all caught up with Tom feeling like a love-sick teenager.  That his every contact with me is electrifying.  When doubt sets in it goes away when we talk and when we touch.  I can’t believe I’m just like these women.  The exception is that Tom isn’t a murder just a cheater.

Can we make a date to…..

30 Aug

I talked to Tom today.  He had to be quick because he was calling from his “real phone”.  He bought a throw away phone to talk to me so the calls will not show up on the bill since his wife pays the wireless bill.  The minutes he bought had expired but he wanted to say he loves me so he called.  Right before he called I was staring at my calendar thinking of dates.  I would love to have an entire week with him.  The only times I can have a valid excuse for leaving for leaving are weekdays.  On weekdays I can say I’m on a trip for work.  I threw out some dates.  His buddy is his cover so he said he would talk with him and let me know.  We made plans to talk again after work.  Before his kid came to visit we talked 2x’s daily almost religiously.  On my lunch and at night when I walked the dogs.  Now it’s so unpredictable.  His kid is back with his ex now, but his new work hours seem to be where we are not matching up.  Now after our meeting I am so attached to him I am having these insecure feelings when he doesn’t contact me as much as he used to.  Even though I keep thinking we need to be in contact less I still want more.  The other day I woke up craving him.  I wanted him on top of me, inside of me, trusting upward like he would pick me up with his cock.  I know weird to be so specific but everything in me wanted it just like that.  I got out my vibrator and tried to satisfy myself but it was no substitute for warm flesh.  The feeling of his hands on me.  Him kissing me, enjoying me.  Before Tom and I had sex I could be horny for him and fuck my fiancé imaging it was Tom.  Now it’s so different it doesn’t work.  We’ve only had sex two times since I’ve returned from my trip with Tom.  Though I keep thinking I need to try to work things out with my fiancé I can’t find those sexy feelings I need to want him.  Because of his surgery (back in late 2010) he can’t be on top of me.  The lack of ability has really put a damper on things as well.  He also has gotten bigger since surgery so when I am on top it’s hard to work it.  When I think about sex I think about Tom and pleasure myself.  I have several videos of Tom jerking off (what can I say I’m weird).  I love watching his meaty cock in his hands.  I get wet just thinking about it.  I used by vibrator and came hard 3x’s while my fiancé went to run errands and the kids were napping.  I also got a shit ton of housework done.  I still have not found the right balance to function normally and still have Tom be as much as a part of my life as possible under the circumstances.

Oh so torn….

25 Aug

Yesterday was pretty nice.  My fiancé did some cleaning, cooked dinner and worked on our cruisers.  For the most part he was nice!  I didn’t get to talk to my love.  We exchanged a few texts that he would call me in the morning while I was at work.  I was so happy to hear his voice.  He told me all about the gifts he got for his kid who is leaving today.  We talked about his plans for the next few days and how we are looking forward to speaking more regularly and not while I’m at the office.  Tom brought up how much he missed going out to eat with me, holding my hand and just being together.  Oh and he said he misses the sex too.  We talked about trying to get together as soon as possible still not knowing when it would be.  It’s weird how it gets me choked up when I think of how hard it is to spend time with him.  I’m getting misty now just thinking about it.  I used to tease him saying “What did you do to me?”. He can get me wet just saying a few words, he can make me well up with tears just by being so sweet I feel sometimes like he’s put a spell on me.  The desire to be with him is strong in me.  I wonder how long it will last.

Now just a few minutes ago I got off the phone with my fiancé.  He was super sweet.  When he is nice like this it really makes the guilt sting.  He told me how he felt sick in the morning and was in pain.  How at about 11am he was able to get out of bed and get the kids out of the house.  He went on how the new medicine gives him headaches and the pain in his legs is worse.  He admitted he got nothing done around the house again.  This time he said he was sorry.  That he wanted to do more.  He usually won’t say that.  He called to hear my pretty voice and see if I liked his choice for dinner tonight.  He went on about how lonely he gets with no help.  When he says no help he refers to my parents.  That they don’t come over and play with the kids.  How he has very little adult interaction.  I did the opposite of what he has done to me over the years and pushed him to hang out with friends.  That he can’t be the only stay at home parent that needs some adult conversation.  At the end of the call he thanked me for the conversation.  Weird right?  Sad too.  Boy I’m a fucking bitch.  He can be sweet but it’s just so few and far between now it’s hard to believe that things will get better consistently.  Just another reason why I keep hanging in there.