Archive | June, 2012

Trying to stay strong….

27 Jun

So he knows I don’t believe he can ever be what I need.  Yes he’s being nice now, for the most part.  He’s tidying up the place but when we talk he still deflects, blames me.  In one breath he says he’ll do anything and when I say live some where else, get ahead, take care of yourself.  Show me I’m wrong.  He snaps he doesn’t have to show me anything.  I’ve been with him 15 years, he’s handsome, tattoed and strong.  Built like my perfect match.  Our kids adore him, our kids are smart, outgoing and amazing.  He had a big hand in that.  They lack structure, the oldest is getting a bad attitude and the youngest is defiant.  I know he needs to go but to see his pain, to hear him talk about his love for our boys, to have him tell me how beautiful I am, how he hasn’t told me how much he apricates my hard work and that he’ll love me forever.  It’s hard to stay strong.

I still have a hard time seeing life without him but I can’t see a good life with him.

Advertisements
Aside

Rambling about how things are going….

27 Jun

So when I got back home, there was only one little problem with my trip.  I texted my (ex)-fiance good night and he texted me back a minute later then called the minute after that.  He was very upset that I didn’t answer his call.  Honestly I put the phone down right after I sent the text.  Ringer was off.  Didn’t even know until the morning.  That didn’t go over well.  Not that I needed it to but, eh. 

Father’s day.  I’m a little tapped from my trip, but my (ex)-fiance wants a fishing licence.  My Dad would love one too.  I decide to spring for one for each of them and plan a fishing trip, picnic and the BBQ.  I let my brother know and he’s already got a licence.  I surprise them and they all feel special.  We spend the day fishing, drinking and eating.  My five year old can bait his own hook and did very well casting.  Five hours no fish caught but he’s still into it.  So proud of him.  I get some good pics of my Dad and my brother fishing together.  Me and the three year old go for a hike.  It’s a good day.  I do a really late BBQ and the kids are dirty but no bath because it’s super late. 

The next day my (ex)-fiance is sick.  Does nothing arround the house.  I come home at 6:30 to find everyone asleep and dirty, still no baths.  I make dinner and take care of things.  My ex is queezy covered in sweat, acting funny.  I remember he’s been out of pain killers for two days now.  Hmmm.  This continues…I’m asking him if he’s dope sick and he won’t consider it.  He says you kick in 48 hours it’s been longer I’m not sick.  He has a doctors appointment and misses it, too sick. 

Thursday I have the day off and want to take my boys to the fair.  My ex-fiance also wants to go but then disses the fair as shitty.  It’s not it’s smaller and cheaper that the one in our town.  The main thing is less gangsters and one price unlimited rides!  We go and have a nice time.  It’s getting late and he sees I’m cold and gives me his jacket.  He says that deserves a kiss.  I look at him like don’t make me.  He moves in and I squeeze my face up like I’m sucking a lemon.  He notices and comments on it. Sheesh, the man can’t get the drift. 

So I’m thinking this is gone on too long.  Need to lay some ground work on getting him out.  Friday our friend comes over.  He’s cool with both of us is chatting about how his brother is a crappy Dad and how good my ex-finace is with the boys.   He is good with them, it makes me think I’m being petty, shallow even.  He loves me and will never leave me but is that enough when other things aren’t right. 

Well I’ve got all this on my mind when I walk into my house Saturday after work.  He opens the door for me and keeps his arm in my way.  He wants me to stop and hug him.  I do.  He then wants a kiss and when I tell him no he gets angry.  I tell him he knows why.  He screams that he doesn’t slams the door and storms out of the house.  I start dinner and go out and talk to him that we need to discuss what we are going to do.  I want to talk about a plan to separate.  He freaks out again.  Crying yelling, won’t eat dinner with the family.  Is on the phone with his family all night.  FML, for now. 

Sorry if I’ve rambled I wanted to get this out.  I have more to add but it’s slow going.  Got a lot on the old plate.

Last Caress….

24 Jun

When we got back to the hotel following our afternoon out and about.  Tom mentions to me when he was planning on leaving.  Eight AM.  I tried not to cry.  I held it for a long while but the moisture got to be too much for my eyes to hold and the first tear fell.  I thought I could keep it from him but they came and I told him why that I just hate to see him go.  I know I can’t keep him but I thought we’d have more time.  He’s got a ten hour drive and will loose an hour.  He and his wife have plans to drive out seven hours the next day to catch a concert.  I understand why.

He holds me and cheers me up.  We go for a swim.  Hugging and playing in the water.  I so wish we could fuck weightless but too risky with the managers window right by the pool.  Afterwards we go up and play some more.

  I start by giving him a slow deep blowjob.  I start playing with his balls. Taking a que from one of my favorite bloggers I start to scratch his taint a little until I find myself playing with his arsehole.  I think what the fuck and start to lick lower and lower until my tongue flicks the rim.  He sqirms a little but not in a bad way.  I give a little more attention down there as he takes his shaft in hand.  I try to work the area with my finger a little but to my surprise it’s really hard to get a finger in there.  I go back to a little rimming and ball sucking and he’s giving me deep moans approval.  After a little more time he pushes me back and gets on his knees on the bed and fucks my mouth like the dirty girl I am.  Then instructs me to get bend over and let him take me.  He gives me what I want and fucks me hard and cums inside of me.  Boy I love that.  Feeling oh so wonderfully dirty and not having cum myself I tell him to finger my cum soaked pussy.  As he plays with me he tells me how it feels, my swollen pussy slick with is juices.  He is so good with his hands and rather quickly gives me an amazing orgasm.  We kiss and cuddle a little longer before showering up and getting ready for the night.    

We drive out to a brewery and have dinner.  The waitress is super cute and I tell him so.  Chat her up a little.  Her daughter Danika had just graduated 6th grade and she’s been weepy all day with her little girl growing up so fast.  It was sweet.  Tom looks at me and holds my hands and says I can’t believe he is going to let you go.  I look at him confused and he says you’re so amazing and he’s going to loose you and all he had to do was take care of you.  Fucking made me cry again.  Run to the bathroom.  Quick recovery.  We have a great little dinner together.  I had an awesome pomegranate cider so freaking good!  That night the Giants were playing and Cain threw his perfect game.  I was a little engaged in the game, he’s not a sports fan but told me when he was a kid he knew all the stats and was really into it.  The thing that changed his focus was girls.  He liked seeing me enjoy the game. 

We checked out one of the bars the Old Town bartender recommended.  It was a gay bar and the little guy behind the bar was fabulous.  He didn’t seem to like the look of us at first but I paid him a compliment and he was my buddy.  Poured me a nice stiff drink with extra cherries.  I really wanted to go out with Tom and meet chicks but this was not the place.  However the table next to us had three cute fellas and one beautiful woman with a flowy shirt that was open exposing her perfectly engineered rack.  I had a hard time not looking but didn’t know how to interject myself into their conversation so I just stuck with Tom.  We checked out one other bar recommended by the bartender and it was a LOUD dance club with a cover.  Not what I was feeling up to that night.  We headed back early.

Back in bed we were enjoying our last night together and decided to let AFF in on the fun again.  We had some of the same viewers come back and say nice things.  We’d kiss and he’d slowly show off  a little of my body at a time.  My favorite part was when I was total naked laying on my back head towards the camera and he went down on me….I looked up into the screen and all I could see was my face looking at everyone, my boobs rising up, my legs behind that and his head in between….I so wish I had a picture.  We ended it a little earlier this time and held each other tight not knowing when we’d have a night together again.  Sleep came for me quick and before I knew it morning had come and I still didn’t want to let him go.

Motorcars and Old Town bars….

23 Jun

The next morning waking up together was wonderful.  Kissing and fooling arround.  Cuddling and caressing.  How I’ve missed those things.  After a while I was hungry so I went down and got breakfast for us both from the hotel buffet.  He’s not a breakfast guy but I love breakfast, he was kinda enough to eat with me even though it was less than awesome.  We got showered and dressed and set out early on a long walk to the automotive history museum. 

The walk was long and there was very little shade.  The navigation program on my phone kept changing it’s mind but it gave us even more reasons to stop and kiss along the way.  I loved grabbing his but as we walked along and I he really liked it too.  I know I’m very different than what he has at home so it’s fun to make him feel so special in a way he doesn’t normally.  It’s so nice to be with someone and be completely comfortable to want to accept their embrace and affection.  I can feel myself getting used to it and I know it’s dangerous.

We finally reach our destination hot and sun baked.  The place is a HUGE garage no AC but some swamp coolers and fans.  I love old cars and so does he.  There is some amazing stuff we can see right off the bat.  It starts with the horseless carages from the late 1800’s and early 1900’s.  They are almost unreal they are so cool.  I so wanted to hop in one their seats look like antique sofas.  He’s telling me about how they work.  Pointing out the more interesting details of them.  Here and there I find myself in front of a swamp cooler and when he sees me I pull up my shirt to give him a little peek, with the museum practically empty it felt safe enough.  We move on to the cars from the 1950’s and that is where we’re looking more at the details.  The original prices $2,500 or $4,800 for an old Cadi.  We’re talking motors or more like I’m getting info from him and asking questions.

They had a real Shelby Cobra!  Two of them to be exact.  To you gear heads out there you know when you see one it’s almost always a fiberglass kit remake.  This one was honest to goodness alumium body orignal.  It was a sight to behold.  I liked the old 1960’s muscle and we came across one of the original Hemi’s I realized I know you want a Hemi in your Mopar but I didn’t know why they were so awesome.  I asked and of course he knew.  He explained to me the details of how it worked and as I’m looking at him all stary eyed and asking questions he smiles and says you really care don’t you.  Well duh?  Why else would I ask?  It was so cute and earned me another kiss and a little butt squeeze.  There were cars from random famous people.  It was just a fun trip, so glad I found it and took him there.

We walked back to Old Town and we were looking for a place to eat when I see this cute little bartender in a Sports Bar.  He is shocked at how quick I spotted her and says lets sit at the bar and eat here.  I tried to open some conversation.  She had this cute orange hair and pretty green eyes.  She looked like she would be fun to hang out with and she had a fun Jackalope tattoo with a cute carrot next to it.  Charming.  We kept a pleasant conversation.  When another regular patron came in she mentioned to him that her and her boyfriend got a dog.  My hopes of a date fell flat but we kept chatting anyway.  I asked her a bit about the local scene and she gave us a few bars to check out.  Tom even asked if she would go out tonight and she said maybe and told us where if she was going to go.  We left it at that.  Lunch was good and I was ready to get back to the hotel for a dip in the pool.

By the way…..

20 Jun

Lunch, some of you might be wondering how lunch went.  My little teaser before we got to spend those two and a half days together.  Well, Tom texted me he had arrived early.  He was looking at the time in his truck and where he lives is an hour ahead so he showed up with nothing to do.  I made an excuse and took off as soon as I could.  When I pulled into the parking lot I spotted his truck immediately.

I walked up to the driver’s window.  There is a shade in the windshield and the tint on the window is dark I can’t see him at all.  He rolls down the window and says why are you not in the passenger seat right now.  I cut him off grabbing his neck and kissing him hard through the window.  When I pull away he looks at me and says I love you.  I hurry arround the truck and hop in the passenger side. 

He spares no time leaning over center console and kissing me and caressing my neck.  Then I’m leaning towards him and then just hop over straddling him in the drivers seat kissing and hugging him.  He pulls my breasts out of my bra and kisses and sucks my nipples.  I’m so wet for him.  Seeing him after so long and things are just right back to where we left off.  It’s amazing.

As I’m kissing him he pulls down his pants and I stroke his hard cock.  He pulls my panties to the side and says I’m surprised you’re even wearing them.  I tell him that he told me it was just teaser I didn’t think he’d give me what I’ve been wanting.  Rubbing his cock against my wetness he whispers he’s been wanting this too.

I lower myself down letting out a breathy moan as I finally get what I’ve been looking forward to.  Slow and sweet at first.  Kissing him and stroking his neck.  Having what I wanted, looking into his eyes while I’m filled with pleasure.  It took me away, riding him harder and faster.  Lost in my own enjoyment I see a truck next to me moving back and forth.  Took me a minute to realize it was us moving not the truck beside us.  I moved more up and down and my ass hit the horn.  The loud blast had me jump. 

I sat back in the passenger seat and took a moment to suck his cock.  I loved hearing him moan as I took him deep into my mouth.  He’s talking more, telling me how good it feels, how he loves the way I suck his dick.  He pushes me back and kisses me hard.  Then presses me back into the passenger seat and climbs over.  Pushing my legs up and fucking me hard.  I’m about to cum and the window starts rolling down.  My foot hit the window button!  We re-adjust and then it happens again.  He then reaches over and hits the child locks and finishes me off.  Then with me satisfied he says lets get lunch.

It’s a market and taqueira.  Authentic stuff most of the folks there barely speak english so you know it’s good.  We ate lunch, held hands, smiling and talking.  Afterwords we hop back in the car I have about 30 more minutes.  He takes the opportunity to make me scream again and finally fill me with his cum.  We kiss desperately. I hate having to leave him but back home I go. He drives an hour back to his friends house.  All I can think about is how wonderful the next couple of days will be. 

 

First night together again…..

19 Jun

We took off late morning and made a stop for lunch.  Holding hands across the booth the conversation flowed easily as we looked into each others eyes.  When we got to the hotel we chatted up the front desk clerk and got into our room two hours early.  We took advantage of our room making a little love before putting ourselves back together to explore the town.

It was HOT but no complaints from him as we walked a couple of miles to Old Town.  Holding hands, kissing on every street corner.  We explored the shops and just enjoyed each others company.  We don’t even have to talk to be comfortable.  I liked taking him into a store that sold specialty olive oil and balsamic vinegars.  Over 50 of them all available to taste and mix.  It was fun talking about what we would cook with them.  He’s from the South so he said vinegar is for collards and they just used the plain white stuff.  Up here in Northern California tasting fancy olive oils is par for the course.  He was pretty impressed.  Oddly he shied away from tasting the $500 aged balsamic.  I told the sales person up front I’m not going to buy it but they were happy to have me taste it.  It was awesome by the way.

We made our way back to the hotel and I realized I forgot my toiletries.  After a little fun in the hotel room we headed out for the items I needed and some swim trunks for him.  He was a little stretched thin on funds so I bought them for him.  From there we parked the truck, fooled arround a bit more and headed out for a night of drinking and walking.  No place really awesome but it was fun to get a little tipsy and wander arround kissing him.  I peed in behind a tree on the walkway in front of the capital building.  It was funny.

We got back to the room and took another little risk.  We have a profile on AFF.  It’s set that we live in his state.  We put up a live cam and started to fool arround for all to see.  Taking it slow, kissing and teasing for the growing crowd.  He really enjoyed seeing all the viewers complimenting me and asking for more.   I really liked it too.  We made it up to about 400 viewers before the connection froze.  We enjoyed each others company a little more before dozing off snuggled together.

Horrible….

19 Jun

I was feeling like I could start talking to him last night about him leaving. As I was putting the boys down he motions to me to leave the room. He whispers to me that his 19 year old sister was beaten on a busy street by her ex-boyfriend. His two sisters and mother have restraining orders against him. He had a can of gasoline with him. He was planning on setting her in fire.  She’s OK but obviously shaken.  She managed to shield her face from his attack.

She’s an unstable thing. Two years ago when my ex-fiance hurt his knee she came to help but had a break down and had to go back and be with that asshole. She’s on antipsychotics and has tried to kill herself a few times. My ex-fiance spent the rest of the night on the phone with his family.  There always seems to be something and this time it was something real, shit.