Messing with my head…..

23 Mar

Recently there has been a change.  My fiancé has held himself to a higher standard on the house work.  I came home the other day to dinner on the stove and a clean home.  He was incredibly nice and when the boys were in bed and we sat down to watch a program together he rubbed my feet and kissed them too.  I know I’ve been looking for some respect and caring from him but I didn’t literary want him kissing my feet but it was nice.

We were talking and smoking when he brought up some things.  He mentioned that he had run out of pain pills a week and a half ago and he was getting by with out them.  He told me he knows that I’m not happy and that he wants to fight to keep his family.  That he wants to change and do better. 

Lately he has been taking his cruiser out for rides to excercise.  He told me he has been doing some crunches.  The pain pills did get refilled but he plans on using them less and stepping down the doses until he can manage the pain and sleep more regularly. 

I recently talked to his mom about our taxes.  She by trade is a tax preparer so she does our taxes for us.  She mentioned she has been pushing him to get a part-time job.  I was surprised to hear it and brought it up to my fiancé.  He said he is not sure what he can do since he cannot sit or stand for any length of time but he is willing to look.  Bringing up that getting out of the house to work would be good for his frame of mind.  I told him even if he does go find work that he can still apply for disability.  They will pay him any back moneys owed and they might be able to deem him partially disabled and pay him a small sum of money in addition to what he earns by working.  He seamed open to it but was a bit upset that I was “hounding” him about this after he did such a great job with the house and the boys. 

This teeter totter life is maddening.  Honestly looking out in the long run I can’t bank on him doing good taking care of his family but maybe I’m wrong.  I’ve been wrong before.  I think after I get this bankrupcy situation handled I need to look back into therapy, probably couples therapy.  Something needs to happen

7 Responses to “Messing with my head…..”

  1. wrongedandrighted March 24, 2012 at 1:43 am #

    Hey TT. Give the couples therapy a shot, at the end of the day you will find out whether this will work out or it won’t, but at least you’ll know for sure and can plan your life accordingly.
    As far as this sudden turn around maybe it all started with the pain management classes. My advice to you is this, give it time. I know he has let you down time and time again, but you are still there aren’t you? That means, at least from my perspective, you haven’t completely given up on him and lets face it if it doesn’t stay this way you are in no worse of a position than you were before.
    I’m pulling for you that things work out at home, also if they don’t that you can come to some sort of peace with it and begin a new life.

    • terriblytorn13 March 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm #

      Thank you for the advice!
      The knowing I gave it every shot piece is a big deal for me.
      I think if I can actually give therapy a good try I can feel at peace with the direction I choose.

      • wrongedandrighted March 25, 2012 at 1:57 am #

        That’s what it’s all about TT. I know you read my post Leaving it All on the Field, you commented on it (Thanks btw). Once you know that you have tried everything and you reach the tough decision you can walk away with that knowledge. I am in no way implying that it’s easy or that it won’t hurt, it will. I am there now and it is not pleasant, but I know when the time comes what I have to do because ultimately it’s the right decision for me, for my kids and even for H.

        Keeping my fingers crossed that you have a better outcome.

  2. The Hook March 24, 2012 at 6:00 am #

    You keep saying something has to happen, but NOTHING does!
    It’s gut-wrenching, right?
    You’re stronger than you know and it’s time to show it. Easy for me to say, I know, but its inevitable.

    • terriblytorn13 March 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

      I hate to say it I think you see right through me. Honestly I started wondering if I should even write anymore because nothing is happening. I was able to read back through my posts and see the same shit happening over and over. One thing I worry about is breaking up and then getting back together. I think that would be horrible for the boys. I think if I cover all my bases I can walk away confident that I won’t crumble again and run back

  3. sexuallifeofawife March 24, 2012 at 8:47 am #

    Its hard when you have to tread on eggshells and aren’t ‘allowed’ to talk about certain things… I agree with WR – couples therapy should show you the way to go…

    • terriblytorn13 March 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

      You are so right
      I need to find a way to give it a go

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