You should let a sleeping bitch lie……

30 Mar

Since I don’t see a way out I’ve been avoiding sitting down and having a we need to talk talk with my fiance.  I’ve said to him on many occasions that I need help income wise for your family, I need him to cut out spending even on the small stuff and that I think he needs to do more around the house.  None of this is news but possibly it has not been delivered with the weight that should be behind it.  Honestly because I really can’t think of what the concequence would be.  I can’t see moving out of my own house that I soley pay for.  Would I take my boys to share a bedroom with me at my Moms?  Would I kick him out knowing he has no income and I don’t have any extra to give him knowing he has no where to go and then ask him to watch the boys while I work?  Good goodness there is no good answer to be had.

I recently went over to my Mom’s house and she ran my budget numbers, the same numbers that fuck with my brain when I run them and yep same result.  I barely have enough to get buy if I don’t drive anywhere extra or eat out ever or buy cigarettes (I smoke when I drink, my fiance smokes a pack every 2-3 days now).  I also don’t have any extra for repairs or kids clothes or heaven forbid an emergency.  So needless to say they said you’re doing all you can. You need help he needs to either step up or leave.  They also understand that even if he goes I don’t have the funds for child care but of course they said they would help as much as they could.

Yesterday I had the day off work and I was home with my boys who both have colds so I just stayed at home cleaning and cuddling them.  My fiance I don’t think did any kind of housework.  He just floated arround fucking off.  He kept telling me how beautiful I am, and he would come up behind me and run his hand over my ass telling me how good it looks.  Every time I wasn’t receptive I felt like he was trying to set me up for sex.  I could use to get laid I did masterbate several times that day and had a bit of a shaving accident that left me bare.  No matter how horny I am I don’t want sex with him because of our situation and due to this situation the man I used to find sexy and irristable is now close to repulsive most of the time.

I got the boys to bed late that night.  I stayed up a while later playing video games with my Dad and my fiance.  I fell asleep on the couch trying to watch Eastbound and Down and woke up alone in the living room.  I went to bed alone and before I knew it my fiance was next to me.  Trying to rub me. Looking at me in that way.  I let him know that I’m not intrested.  He seemed baffeled!  I exploded.

“I don’t like you.  You refuse to help me.  You know what I need and you won’t do it.  You don’t do enough around the house and you just expect me to like it.”

Well that didn’t go over well.  He said back that he does plenty and that I’m just as bad.  Back and forth we go.  He throws in that he ate me out for 40 minutes a few weeks ago and I remind him I didn’t ask for that.  Shit it was the only way to get me wet enough to fuck but I held back on saying that. I tell him to leave or maybe he can go live in the garage because I don’t want him arround.  Then he says I’d have to buy him out.  What about the $10k he put into the house and the $1k per mo for taking care of the kids.  My response is he can have half of the debt there is no equity to share we’re fucking $150k underwater in this house and the $1k per child care he can take out of the medical, food and housing that I’ve taken care of for I don’t know how long. 

So we went to bed mad.  Nothing resolved.  I woke up from sleeping on the couch to being almost back to sleep in bed and then this.  Why can’t he tell I don’t want to have sex with him!  I woke up with him with his hand on my rib cage and it made my skin crawl.  All morning he’s stomping around with a sour look on his face.  What the fuck am I to do now?!?!

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8 Responses to “You should let a sleeping bitch lie……”

  1. The Hook March 31, 2012 at 1:34 pm #

    “I woke up with him with his hand on my rib cage and it made my skin crawl.”
    What does that tell you?

    • Theo Black April 1, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

      Yeah, I agree with the Hook. I don’t give advice to people I don’t know well, but you could ask yourself: When you wrote that did you really mean it or not?

      • terriblytorn13 April 1, 2012 at 1:28 pm #

        No worries…it’s me all out there and I’m willing to hear what anyone has to say.
        I do mean it. It has happened before. It’s the situation with him more than him physically.
        My girlfriend at work saw us hug and she noticed how stiff and uncomfortable I was. I ran down the list of things that are bothering me about him including a bit about his physical appearance. She said honey he’s been like that forever that’s not what’s bothering you.
        What bothers me is he’s left me so miserable and he knows it. I’ve been avoiding his advances and physical contact and then he still makes a pass at me while I’m trying to sleep, the nerve.

    • terriblytorn13 April 1, 2012 at 1:16 pm #

      That something has to change

  2. sexuallifeofawife April 1, 2012 at 11:37 pm #

    Its not good… But I think it is good that you said what you did – even though it hurt him…
    He needs to know in no uncertain terms how you feel!

    • terriblytorn13 April 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm #

      He’s starting to see it more clearly. This is making him do better. For how long is anyones guess.

  3. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress April 4, 2012 at 9:17 am #

    It sounds to me like you fear his reaction and therefore put your needs on hold which builds up resentment and anger. If possible, be brave, say what you need and stick with that point. Much like you would with one of yoru children. He will pout, yell, be angry, and even lash out at you. Those are his feelings and emotions and you don’t own his reaction. All you can do is stand by your needs. Don’t worry how dramatic he will get. You have to be healthy for you and the boys now.

    • terriblytorn13 April 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

      I totaly do fear his reaction and I fear that I’ll be lost and alone without him. I’m trying to remain as consistant as possible.

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