Looking for answers everywhere…..

23 Jan

I’m all over the place again. My fiancé still is in terrible pain and feels sick often. He feels isolated and unloved. It makes me think of a blog entry I’ve read from MysteryCoach Doctors ~ Medications ~ Surprise Ending. She explains how you’re emotions can make you physically ill and I’m starting to wonder if our situation is effecting his physical health. He has a slew of doctors appointments and is starting in a pain management group as mandated by the pain specialist he is starting to see.

I’ve been listening to the audio book Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay (thank you F#@*knows)and it’s got me spinning some more.  So many maybes and questions if I’m expecting too much or passing harsh judgement.  Throw in his physical ailments and there is just so many variables.  The book talks a lot about people getting overwhelmed with the amount of things you have to weigh to make a decision to stay or leave.  I’m glad it’s walking me through but I worry I’ll end the book with the same ambivalence that I started with.  Either way it’s information that is helpful and giving me a new unbiased perspective.

Over the weekend he caught me looking at the responses on my blog.  I clicked out and told a sloppy lie.  After some time I told him I was contacting relationship advice web sites to see what to do about our situation.  It opened the door to talk a little about what we can do.  He doesn’t see why I’m so frustrated and sees me as a equal part of the problem.  He got a little irritated saying there is only one side of the story being put out to these advice people and maybe we should try couples counseling again.  I think we will have to do that.  I will get someone in my family to commit to watching the boys and we will have to try to talk things out together.

Things are coming together to look at this crazy situation from all angles maybe I can get my head on straight and finally commit one way or the other.  Jumping in with both feet and feeling good about trying to make things work or break things off.  I know for sure we both can’t keep living this way.

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10 Responses to “Looking for answers everywhere…..”

  1. B January 24, 2012 at 4:00 am #

    Don’t pass judgement on each other try couples counseling, with someone to referee the situation if it gets heated.

    • terriblytorn13 January 24, 2012 at 6:45 am #

      We’ve tried before I was pregnant at the time it didn’t go so well. Maybe a difftent therapist will help.
      Thank you for the comment. I think because we’ve been together since we were kids we’re extra rough with each other

  2. sexuallifeofawife January 24, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    Its great that you’re both up for counseling!
    Seems like a good sensible step to take and shows a willingness to try and resolve things…
    ps Couples can be rough with each other however long they’ve been together. A sign that things aren’t too good though…

    • terriblytorn13 January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm #

      He means well. I just don’t know if he’s capable of being consistent and helpful.
      Counseling I hope will help, last time even though the therapist didn’t pass judgement he angled our sessions to put me in the wrong. It was strange. Maybe the therapist wasn’t any good
      I’ll of course keep you posted and thank you for the kind words

      • mstitty January 24, 2012 at 11:35 pm #

        oh therapists can be wonderful or awful, be careful!

        I am sorry you are going through this, so have been there.

        • terriblytorn13 January 25, 2012 at 10:54 am #

          It’s not just me. You can’t trust them all!
          What if I get one that is just bad at their job? Yikes
          Sorry to hear you’ve had troubles like this too, it’s so tring.

  3. The Hook January 25, 2012 at 8:54 am #

    “He doesn’t see why I’m so frustrated and sees me as a equal part of the problem.”
    Is this guy for real? He’s sucha pain in the ass you’re banging other guys in the woods just to carve out a small slice of happiness for yourself!
    I’m referring to your camping trip with Tom. of course. I don’t mean to be cold, but you NEED to think of yourself. Sticking around is twisting your heart more and more. How much more can you possibly take before you change into someone you don’t even recognize?

    • terriblytorn13 January 25, 2012 at 11:06 am #

      Everyone changes right? I was diffrent before, a little, kinda well…..maybe I’ve always had the same values. My Mama taught me right and all. Putting him to that same test, what he’s been, what he’s been taught. It’s starting to become clear I’m fighting a loosing battle. Therapy here I come (tomorrow’s the day)!

  4. LiesHurtMySanity January 31, 2012 at 9:25 pm #

    Decisions are easy. Happiness is hard.

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