The straw……

1 May

I kinda freaked out but it might be a good thing. I had two things come the last week that pushed me to the breaking point.  Friday one of my clients who I’d like to be better friends with had a birthday.  I asked if he would watch the kids so I could go and have cocktails with her.  He didn’t even answer me.  He had gone out the two nights before and without a word to me he went out that night too.  I was aggravated but I didn’t make a huge deal out of it. 

Sunday we got started late on some yard work.  When it was lunch time we chatting and the Pink Floyd show came up in conversation.  It’s coming up really soon.  He says I need to find a babysitter to go to the show.  I am stunned.  He’s know about this for months and hasn’t said a word.  I ask him what he has planned.  He said nothing but he doesn’t want to be stuck at home while I’m out having a good time.  That he’s butt hurt and jealous that I get to go.  The bottom line is I’m not getting a babysitter if he wants to go out he can go out another night.  I asked him at least four times are you sure, this is for real.  He was dead serious and pissy about it. 

I snapped I told him if it’s like that we’re done.  It can’t be like this.  I can’t take any more we’re finished.  Kids in the room eating lunch.  Thankfully I don’t think they caught what was going down.  Honestly right now I don’t know if it went any further.  I don’t know if I layed on the table all the other shit that has brought me to this but he got it.  He knew I was serious.  He walked out side and sat in the driveway. 

I took care of the kids and got them down for a nap.  I called my Dad and explained.  I called my Mom.  They said they’d help with the kids.  My Mom was solidly behind me getting rid of him.  My Dad also backing whatever I chose, but with him it was different.  My Dad in his own words had “lost his family” he went back quickly saying he didn’t lose them but the break up changed him.  He went down the if you break up and get back together path and I cut him off.  I don’t see that as an option, that it would be worse for the kids.  Honestly I don’t see there ever being a good future with him.

He had taken off with my good car, both car seats and no money.  He has nowhere to go.  We talked and he said he would come back and watch the kids.  I let my family know.  We need to talk more and make a plan.  Things won’t be easy but I think I can stick to it.  It all seems so clear and I feel so strong when I’m away from him and then I get back and I lose my clarity.  He flips it on me.  My Mom said remember when you were little we told you about bullies.  He’s a bully don’t let him bully you into taking what he wants. 

Sorry if this post doesn’t flow or make sence I just wanted to get it out before I lose it.  When I was feeling a bit weak and unsure I went back and read about some of the crap he’s caused me while I’ve been writing this and it reminded me that it’s not just a little thing that’s bothering me.  It’s a huge problem and I need to get away from it and so do my kids.

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8 Responses to “The straw……”

  1. cheatingwhore May 1, 2012 at 10:40 am #

    This might sound odd, because I barely know you but I am SO relieved you are finally doing this!!! You deserve so much better, and your kids deserve to be with a happy Mom! Stay strong – you need to see this through. You are right – there won’t ever be a good future with him. I’m very proud of you 🙂

    • terriblytorn13 May 1, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

      Well thank you so much for your encouraging comment! I’m going to try my best to stay strong. I think it will be a long haul.

  2. makingredwishes May 1, 2012 at 3:05 pm #

    I am proud of you. Its a hard step but its funny. One day you don’t know what you want and then all of the sudden one day you do. I’m here if you need to talk. HUGS!

    • terriblytorn13 May 1, 2012 at 3:52 pm #

      It is just so clear that my life will always be this. He’s been like this so long I don’t see that a permenent change is possible and honestly the way he’s trying to save our relationship is by pointing fingers at me. That just seals the deal in my book. Getting him out will be the problem.

  3. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress May 3, 2012 at 7:59 pm #

    you can do this. You’ve fought a long time, tried to make things work. If you decide that you need to separate, then you’re strong enough to make it happen.

  4. The Hook May 8, 2012 at 8:27 am #

    Hang in there! Better days are ahead…
    Believe it.

    • terriblytorn13 May 9, 2012 at 10:57 am #

      I do believe it but I know it won’t be an easy road.

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