Aside

22 days and counting….

6 Sep

Tom will come to see me soon.  Twenty two days to be exact.  I am coordinating ways to see him.  It is too soon for him to spend time with my sons so I will be trying to line up child care to give us the most time together possible.  I think I will “run into him” at the park.  Just so he can see them but nothing more than a hello and then move on.  I will be asking my Father and my Mother to watch my boys for two of the nights that he will be in town and try to line up a babysitter for the third night.  I think I will tell my parents who I am seeing instead of lying and saying I’m out with friends.  I will give them the option to meet them if they choose too.  My Dad specifically because Tom will be brining me home and my Dad will be there with the boys in their beds sleeping.

I am so excited to be held and kissed.  I am nervous about the possibility of him meeting my family.  Is it too soon.  Will they like him if they do choose to meet him.  Will they think this is too soon?  I’ve been giving them a little information here and there.  What a great guy he is; hard working, honest and clean.  That he knows I need time to build a life for myself.  That I need to date. 

Then there’s my house.  It’s better, so much better.  I still have some stuff to organize.  My garage and yard are big challenges but I’m making progress.  My car is DIRTY but it’s low on my list first the home and yard.  Need to get grass in before the rainy season starts.  I have three yards of amended soil coming tomorrow so I will start hauling it back, grading the yard and fencing off the area where I will lay the sod so the dogs won’t get to it.  Maybe I’ll have it done before he gets her.  I’m so excited.

I’ve been having some car issues.  My Dad and I changed my breaks.  One of the pads was down the the metal and monched my rotor but it’s still thick enough to work.  It squeaked for a few days but now it’s mated and quiet.  The car has not started a few times recently and a few months back it died while driving on two occasions.  Tom tells me how he’d love to fix these things for me.  He hears the car door squeak and I know he’s thinking he wants to fix that too.  I love that idea someone who takes care of things.  Creates things.  Cares about me and wants to take care of me.  For years now every birthday and Mother’s Day Dick asks me what I want.  Every time I say a lawn in my back yard and the flat screen mounted above the fireplace.  I should have the lawn done myself now and Tom offered to mount the TV in the short amount of time he will be in my home.  Sigh…so sweet…but Dick might take the TV. He got the money in a settlement from his last employer.  So this time Tom will not hang a TV for me but you never know maybe one day.

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Aside

Smooth….

5 Aug

Tom held me close for a long while.  Stroking my hair and skin.  Kissing here and there.  He brought up something I had asked him about while planning for this trip.  He asked if I’d like him to shave me.  I said yes and was very excited to have him do it.  We talked about how it should be done and where to do it.  I sat in a standard bathtub but the angle was wrong.  In the master bath there is a large whirlpool tub with a little shelf just slightly bigger than ass size.  I was able to sit there as he sat in the tub.  My legs spread wide toes resting on either side of the tub.  He’d take a cup of warm water and pour it over my spread pussy.  Then rub in the shaving cream with gentile deliberate placement.  He took care to follow the patter of hair growth.  Studying my anatomy and being careful not to nick my slick flesh.  It was more erotic than I had thought it would be.  I let him know now he can press harder and go against the grain.  I showed him how to check his work for perfect smoothness.  He’d find the spots that needed extra attention and carefully precisely take care of me.  When he finished he thanked me for letting him do it.  Saying it’s something he’s wanted to do since he was in his 20’s.  That he was happy to pamper me. 

It’s getting a bit later but it’s still hot out.  We decide to attend the pool party I found out about earlier in the day.  I put on my suit and tie my hair back with a little bandana.  Put my paten leather read wedges on and tie my sarong on as a dress.  We get there and our friend has not yet arrived.  The crowd has no one we know and the band is fun.  Doing Jimmy Buffett and Johnny Cash covers and having a good time on their little stage.  He gets a Margarita and I get a cute little can of Sophia Coppola sparkling wine.  They have appetizers so I order a little nibble for us.  Our friend arrives and I’m down to my suit.  It’s a one piece black with white polka dots just a bit smaller than dime size.  There’s a little knot in the center of my breasts and it’s shaped like a tiny dress.  The skirt just barely covering my ass.  As I walk across the party to sit with our friends I am stopped three times to be complimented on my get up.  When I sit down all the girls compliment me and ask about my suit.  I turn to Tom and I just see him beaming.  He glows when people notice his girl.  It was so sweet. 

I’m on my second drink by now and no one has gotten into the pool.  I stop asking and just walk away from our group and get into the nice cool water.  Swimming arround until they notice I’m gone.  They all make their way over and Tom comes to me and puts his arms around me kissing me deeply.  I give him a big grin and put his hand into my suit.  Whispering in his ear to feel his handiwork.  So smooth.  His hand on me while being surrounded by all those people was so arousing.  I just had to kiss him again.

The band was shutting down and I had a little buzz and we were ready to continue our fun out somewhere else.  Our preggo friend was interested in joining us so I got fixed up in the bathroom.  Tom changed too.  We went to meet our friend at her house and went to a fun little bar in an out of the way area where he was not likely to know anyone.  Another gal came and met us and we had a nice time.  We upgraded the music on the juke box, did a lot of kissing.  A bit of drinking.  Tried finger steaks, onion rings and tater tots.  Yum bar food.  Tom had asked me if I would take my bra off.  I didn’t say anything just pulled it out from under my shirt and tucked it into my purse when they weren’t looking.  My T was soft and left very little to the imagination.  Tom had fun watching the other guys staring and looking away when he caught them.  We played some pool. I did pretty well on a few banks and that made me happy.  It was getting late, the bartender had poured me a horrible drink.  We let our friends know it was time for us to go with hugs and kisses we were out and on our way to bed.

Aside

Damage plan….

3 Jul

My poor ex he’s so lost, sad and want’s to make me love him.  I’ve wanted things to be good between us, still letting him know that I don’t see a future for us as a couple.  Still he has not reapplied for disability, still no job applications.  There has been work arround the house.  He’s nice as pie to me and has been put on Prozac.  I think in my efforts to keep things normal and be kind I’ve messed with his head a little.

Father’s day we had a wonderful time with my Dad, brother and of course our boys.  He told me how nice a time he had with me. With my Dad who is like a father to him.  His birthday a few days later, I made sure he had what he needed to take the boys out to the beach and buy stuff for a picnic.  That night we went out to a nice Thai restaurant where the boys were angels and the dinner was amazing.  Again he told me what a nice time he had with me.  Then camping with some friends we’ve known for over 10 years.  It was a lot of fun.  I know after I went to bed they pushed him to find work.  Take good care of me.  Let me be the conductor and follow what I ask.  They even gave me the plea to try to make it work, that we’re such a great couple and they always think of us together.  They’ve been through a lot too. 

It looks like my ex will be with us until at least the end of the month.  His plan is to leave for Florida and then return to my house and try to find work and a place to live.  I don’t like this idea.  I would like him to start looking now or when he comes back to the California to stay with someone else.  When I brought this up it brought him to tears.  Telling me how he has nothing and is nothing before leaving the room to be by himself.  His pain breaks my heart, I want things to be easier for him, I want my boys to have their Daddy near by.  I’m scared I don’t have the nerve to put my foot down and make him leave.  I hate the idea of having to take from my family for child care.  There is a lot of change and a lot of heart ache that is not going to stop any time soon.  I just want to mitigate the damage if I can help it.

Aside

Rambling about how things are going….

27 Jun

So when I got back home, there was only one little problem with my trip.  I texted my (ex)-fiance good night and he texted me back a minute later then called the minute after that.  He was very upset that I didn’t answer his call.  Honestly I put the phone down right after I sent the text.  Ringer was off.  Didn’t even know until the morning.  That didn’t go over well.  Not that I needed it to but, eh. 

Father’s day.  I’m a little tapped from my trip, but my (ex)-fiance wants a fishing licence.  My Dad would love one too.  I decide to spring for one for each of them and plan a fishing trip, picnic and the BBQ.  I let my brother know and he’s already got a licence.  I surprise them and they all feel special.  We spend the day fishing, drinking and eating.  My five year old can bait his own hook and did very well casting.  Five hours no fish caught but he’s still into it.  So proud of him.  I get some good pics of my Dad and my brother fishing together.  Me and the three year old go for a hike.  It’s a good day.  I do a really late BBQ and the kids are dirty but no bath because it’s super late. 

The next day my (ex)-fiance is sick.  Does nothing arround the house.  I come home at 6:30 to find everyone asleep and dirty, still no baths.  I make dinner and take care of things.  My ex is queezy covered in sweat, acting funny.  I remember he’s been out of pain killers for two days now.  Hmmm.  This continues…I’m asking him if he’s dope sick and he won’t consider it.  He says you kick in 48 hours it’s been longer I’m not sick.  He has a doctors appointment and misses it, too sick. 

Thursday I have the day off and want to take my boys to the fair.  My ex-fiance also wants to go but then disses the fair as shitty.  It’s not it’s smaller and cheaper that the one in our town.  The main thing is less gangsters and one price unlimited rides!  We go and have a nice time.  It’s getting late and he sees I’m cold and gives me his jacket.  He says that deserves a kiss.  I look at him like don’t make me.  He moves in and I squeeze my face up like I’m sucking a lemon.  He notices and comments on it. Sheesh, the man can’t get the drift. 

So I’m thinking this is gone on too long.  Need to lay some ground work on getting him out.  Friday our friend comes over.  He’s cool with both of us is chatting about how his brother is a crappy Dad and how good my ex-finace is with the boys.   He is good with them, it makes me think I’m being petty, shallow even.  He loves me and will never leave me but is that enough when other things aren’t right. 

Well I’ve got all this on my mind when I walk into my house Saturday after work.  He opens the door for me and keeps his arm in my way.  He wants me to stop and hug him.  I do.  He then wants a kiss and when I tell him no he gets angry.  I tell him he knows why.  He screams that he doesn’t slams the door and storms out of the house.  I start dinner and go out and talk to him that we need to discuss what we are going to do.  I want to talk about a plan to separate.  He freaks out again.  Crying yelling, won’t eat dinner with the family.  Is on the phone with his family all night.  FML, for now. 

Sorry if I’ve rambled I wanted to get this out.  I have more to add but it’s slow going.  Got a lot on the old plate.

Aside

Thank you for sharing……

12 Apr

I’ve been reading your blogs and the blogs of others. Boy, oh boy there is a lot of sexy stuff out there.  More than one of my regular reads likes to get spanked or smacked.  Used or talked dirty to.  Fucked hard and put away wet, dripping wet depending on who you read.  I’ve always been interested in a little spanking, hair pulling use me a bit when I’m into it but reading the passionate writings out there has really got me wanting to try.  Not the kind where your lover is nervous to Dominate (did I do that right?) but when he or she really has an air of authority and is ready to take what you have agreed to give until you tell them to stop with your special word.

Asking questions and being me I’m finding out more and more.  It’s leaving me with a different kind of frustration.  I can’t replicate a good smack on my ass or pussy without a partner.  Shoot with my missing vibrator I can’t even replicate getting laid but that’s another story.  Frustrated or not I want to know more so I’ve started asking questions and surprise I’ve started getting some HOT details!

These questions and interests have led me to making a friend who has a firm grasp of things of this nature.  He has given me not only direction but heartfelt concern and warnings on what not to let happen and how to stay safe.  No, he has never had a chance to spank my ass but he did send me a series of super hot messages that described how he would take me.  His leather paddle cracking me hard and slow at first and then speeding up. Directing me to rub my clit with the rhythm of his blows.  After I’m completely mad with desire he will hit my ass hard again.  Giving me all I can take.  Letting me collapse on the bed and fingering me until my he makes my dripping wet pussy cum in his hand.  Then having me to kneel before him and let him use my mouth and making me wait for him to enter me.  My pussy now begging to be filled, he makes me wait……And due to a surprise turn of events that is kinda how we left it…I thought he was teasing but turned out he just fell a sleep.

Aside

One of the many reasons I think I need a spanking…

11 Apr

I’m wondering if when I’m stressed or feel cornered I act out like a teenager.  Since things have gotten bad and I feel trapped I’ve acted out sexually.  I never would have kissed Tom if things with my fiancé weren’t so bad.  He was sweet I had an attraction to him but if I was really out on the prowl he would not have been my target. 

With him being so far away I’m finding myself very frustrated and I’m letting it branch out.  I’ve checked personals for available girls.  I posted on an affair weight but didn’t pay for it so I haven’t “reached out” to anyone.  It seemed like a good idea at the time because I talked to someone that had some luck on the site.  I’ve even caught myself staring at attractive people more often.

 This brings me to the reason for my post.  My fiancé met another stay at home dad at the park.  He is a fella from the Netherlands, he likes metal and plays guitar.  They hit it off and my fiancé invited him over for a beer that night.  I need to give him a name and I shall call him Olaf because his accent and his love of metal reminds me of Jay and Silent Bob.  Olaf metal! and then he sings Making fuck and making love bezerker….well I’m off topic but Olaf seems fitting right now. 

So he’s a pretty good-looking guy, beautiful skin, just below chin length hair light brown, gorgeous blue eyes, sturdy build.  After I get the boys to bed we’re all drinking, he’s playing guitar with my fiancé.  Regular chit-chat stuff, a few friends come over so now all five of us are chopping it up.

  For a few minutes I’m alone with him and I ask him about Second Life (he met his wife on the game).  He told me he DJ’d at a 2nd life club for pay.  He said he also made money building furniture digitally for the game.  Strange concept to me a total Second Life laymen.  He said you can put the furniture in your flat or apartment or your dungeon or torture chamber.  That he specialized in furniture that would restrain a body in different ways. OMG on-line bondage?!?!  I want to know more but then they all came back…plus I just met the guy so I try to keep my eagerness to find out more totally hidden.

Through the course of our conversation Olaf refered to his wife as a princess at one point.  Other than that he didn’t speak much about her.  I had mentioned something about wanting to watch the Game of Thones to check out the hot chick that gets naked and he lit up asking me, “Do you like women?”.  When I left the room he told my fiancé how he thought I was, so my little horny mind is going berserker.  What if he has a hot wife that likes girls and they will spank my ass while I lick her up and down? When he left that night he gave me lingering close hug.

The next night he invited us over for our kids to play and meet the Mrs.  Walking up the porch he hollers out hello sexy.  Nice condo, nice car….open the door meet the Mrs.  OMG she is a big lady, she is also signficantly older than I would expect a princess to be.  She is super sweet but is definitely not getting licked by me.  We’ll be friends though. They just moved here three weeks ago so she was very happy to meet us.  Though I feel a little guilty about it but I still wonder if he wants to bind me and spank my ass and I wonder if I’d let him. Only time will tell. Gotta be safe with that kinda of stuff.

Aside

What’s good for the body is not always good for the mind…..

31 Jan

I’ve been fantasizing about –

My lover fucking me on the hood of my car in the city

Watching him jack off while I masturbate until he can’t resist entering me

Pleasuring a woman while he touches me

Watching him with another woman

Him pulling my hair while giving it to me from behind

Riding him in the back seat of my car

Fucking me from behind in the shower

So, needless to say, I’m fucking horny and have no one to play with.

In a moment of desperation while fighting with my fiancé I put an add up on an adult meet up sight.  Maybe to have some shameless text flirting, maybe a cup of coffee on my lunch break, just maybe to fuck.  Throwing caution to the wind and going where my hormones take me.  Well an hour after I did it it didn’t seem like that much fun.  Plus I wondered with these unusual circumstances if I’d meet anyone of substance.  So I canceled it, I did get 3 flirts, but couldn’t read them because I didn’t want to pay the $10 fee.

Recently in a phone conversation with my lover, Tom, I mentioned how I’m so fucking horny but I don’t want it from my fiancé.  He apologised and I assured him it’s not really him that’s doing it.  It’s my feelings towards my fiancé. 

Later I texted Tom this message: I’ve started thinking where can I meet a guy that I can fuck on days like today, all alone, big empty office….  Bars, adult friend finder, Ashley Madison…  All that comes to mind is I’ll meet some smarmy bastard who couldn’t hold a candle to you.  Don’t feel bad that youve ruined me for my fiancé…  Feel bad that you’ve skewed my perspective for any other men I might meet….and that you can’t come fuck me today.

It was a series of texts but it got the point across.  He sent me back the details of how he would pleasure me if he was able to come be with me while I worked all alone and it was fucking hot.  Ruined my panties for the day hot, he gets me so wet.

I’m in a strange situation.  I love him, I want him, I really like him and I know now I can never have him.  He’s not the super hot guy that you just lust after and want nothing else to do with.  Don’t get me wrong he’s handsome and has a lovely body but I like him for more than that.  Since we’ve talked so much I like him on a long-term, good friend….gosh I hate to say it… husband level….but since I know it won’t happen I struggle with why I’m doing this to myself and possibly to him.