Tag Archives: odd man

SWK….

8 Jan

Single with kids.  When I think about it I get a little scared.  I wonder if I will have a social life.  Probably not and I am behind the eight ball because I don’t really have a collection of friends on my own.  Since my fiancé and I spent almost all of our time together my friends are our party buddies.  I like the idea of making new friends and building relationships, but with kids I wonder how much freedom I will have to nurture new relationships. 

I also have this tendency to feel nervous or inferior to others.  Like I don’t bring much to the table.  I know it’s silly.  I’m a great listener, I’m dependable and cheery but I still feel like the odd man out.  When other chicks are hanging out with their girlfriends I’m hanging with the guys talking shit. 

Meeting some one and dating.  I don’t like the idea of that at all.  Aren’t all the good ones taken.  Do I need to check cemeteries and rehabs to find good men who lost their significant other?  Then what good man would like me.  My kinda of girl attracts dirt bags. 

Even though I love Tom he’ll never be mine plus he’s a cheater.  He cheats for the trill of it.  No matter if I’m bi and into being with the woman he wants to cheat with it will mess up the thrill of it.  I know it sounds weird but I don’t want someone going behind my back.  Maybe that takes me back to the open relationship idea but then again won’t that attract the wrong types?

The stress of deciding whether to work on my relationship with my fiancé or break it off is driving me mad.  Then I have these selfish thoughts of being lonely and social dysfunctional that go along with it.  Do I just stay because it’s going to be hard and lonely?  The life I picture I should have might just be impossible since I picture it with a faceless partner that may not exist and if they do I might never find them.  Worse yet I might find them and they won’t like me.