Tag Archives: back yard

Greener…..

21 May

My lover is coming soon.  He’ll be taking a trip to see me and his friend in a near by town in just about three weeks.  I’m so excited to see him, to be held and kissed.  I’ve really missed being with someone I like that I want to be nice too.  I also am very nervous as well. My ex-fiance will be watching the kids.  I don’t really want this affair to be what drives him out of the house, though I am thinking it might have to be because he doesn’t seem to realize that he has to leave. 

Though I’ve been longing for Tom and honestly for some intimacy I’m a bit self conscious.  All this stress and turmoil has let me slide into a mopey tired state.  I’ve been eating too much and making poor food choices in the name of comfort.  I’ve lost my drive to be active and haven’t worked out or gone hiking for I don’t know how long.  I’m breaking out and having just battled flees I have little bites all over (flees love me, my parents always said it’s because I’m so sweet). 

 I’m going to try to make the most of these few weeks I have to repair the damage I’ve done in the last six months or so but it’s going to be a small dent in the big picture.  I’ve told Tom about this and he doesn’t care.  He says no matter what I’ll still be the same sweet girl he loves and he’ll be so happy to be with me. 

It’s weird I have times where I’m not excited at all to see Tom again.  I try not to associate my love for him with something that will ever be an US, if that makes any sense.  Truely I enjoy spending time with him and he makes me feel so good physically.  I just see how his life is flowing right, he’s traveling with the band, got a better position at work, getting his motorcycle running, has girls flirting with him all over the place, just bought a 1950 Buick to restore, fixing up his back yard and on and on…life with him just seems so charmed and effortless.  I guess the grass is always greener.