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The first night in his domain….

31 Jul

The bands were good.  Someone skated the half pipe and fell a few times but didn’t get hurt.  They had 22s of my favorite beer.  I met a nice girl that works at a clothing consignment and second hand store.  Met some of the friends he has told me about.  Hung out with the preggo gal and her friends.  Tom chatted with some people away from me.  It was a different dynamic than I am used to.  The freedom not to be by my date’s side and not having to worry about how it will effect my night if I’m not shadowing him all the time. 

I smoked that night.  I bummed a cig the first time I smoked.  The next time I asked a fella and one of the girls I’d been talking to said, “You asked the wrong dude.  He’s the biggest bum.”  So being playful I asked him to bum a cig for me.  He did and we all chatted.  He is a funny little guy a drummer from a band and had a tattoo of a drumming panda on his arm.  We went in for a while and enjoyed the band.  They sounded great.  The energy in the room was awesome.  After a while we went back outside.  I talked with my drummer friend and Tom chatted with the girls.  The drummer guy’s buddy a singer for one of the bands they are in together came over. 

This is a punk show.  I’m not very punk. I’m more of a rock-a-billy, metal, Cali girl combo.  They started talking about my outfit.  I’m wearing a black Lucky 13 tank top with a little green loose knitted sweater and a pair of slightly baggy wide leg torn up washed out light blue jeans.  I’m from California so I’m wearing flip flops, simple black.  I’ve got black hair, betty bangs, red lips, cat eyes and little plugs.  They start in about my pants and shoes.  I should be wearing tight black jeans worn in, some chucks and not a brand name tank.  I’m teasing them back that I look good and they look like shit.  They start saying from here up beautiful, hand slicing me at my waist, from here down needs work.  They spin me arround, but you have a nice ass, front side great boobs. Here let me take off that sweater he says, it was hooked with a safety pin behind the button so he bit it off.  He’s clearly drunk but he’s funny and I’m teasing him.  Out of nowhere Tom comes through the guys and grabs me right at the sides of my boobs and guides me through those two and back to his truck.

I’m giggling the whole way.  Tom said he was done with the show.  He wanted to get me alone.  We make out in the car for a bit.  Those arousal pills were making me feel even more ready than I thought.  We’re touching and kissing on the drive home.  He grabs some towels and we head for the hot tub.  The night sky is beautiful.  We get in nude and start kissing.  I don’t know if it’s the pills or the night or the excitement to be with him again but it’s AMAZING.  I’m riding him as we’re kissing, half floating away and pulling myself back down hard.  Grinding, getting chills and tingles. 

He takes me upstairs and we’re fucking every which way.  Licking and sucking.  Touching and pushing.  He starts to play with my ass and I return the favor.  I decide to let him try again.  I have him get the lube and we go slow.  I talk him through it.  Oh, my it was hard.  He is very thick and it took more work than I thought to get him inside of me.  It was amazing but still surprising.  Once he felt comfortable he started to thrust harder.  I had to direct him to slow down.  This seems to be something I do when I’m tipsy so I threw caution to the wind and let him go back to fucking my pussy where he could thrust hard.  After a bit more fun he let me know he was cumming and I took him into my mouth.  I worked every last bit out of him as he moaned and his body shuddered against me.  He held me breathlessly and told me how wonderful it felt.  I told him how much I love him and that it was perfect for me too.  I was happy to be his first.  We fell asleep easily in each others arms.

Can we make a date to…..

30 Aug

I talked to Tom today.  He had to be quick because he was calling from his “real phone”.  He bought a throw away phone to talk to me so the calls will not show up on the bill since his wife pays the wireless bill.  The minutes he bought had expired but he wanted to say he loves me so he called.  Right before he called I was staring at my calendar thinking of dates.  I would love to have an entire week with him.  The only times I can have a valid excuse for leaving for leaving are weekdays.  On weekdays I can say I’m on a trip for work.  I threw out some dates.  His buddy is his cover so he said he would talk with him and let me know.  We made plans to talk again after work.  Before his kid came to visit we talked 2x’s daily almost religiously.  On my lunch and at night when I walked the dogs.  Now it’s so unpredictable.  His kid is back with his ex now, but his new work hours seem to be where we are not matching up.  Now after our meeting I am so attached to him I am having these insecure feelings when he doesn’t contact me as much as he used to.  Even though I keep thinking we need to be in contact less I still want more.  The other day I woke up craving him.  I wanted him on top of me, inside of me, trusting upward like he would pick me up with his cock.  I know weird to be so specific but everything in me wanted it just like that.  I got out my vibrator and tried to satisfy myself but it was no substitute for warm flesh.  The feeling of his hands on me.  Him kissing me, enjoying me.  Before Tom and I had sex I could be horny for him and fuck my fiancé imaging it was Tom.  Now it’s so different it doesn’t work.  We’ve only had sex two times since I’ve returned from my trip with Tom.  Though I keep thinking I need to try to work things out with my fiancé I can’t find those sexy feelings I need to want him.  Because of his surgery (back in late 2010) he can’t be on top of me.  The lack of ability has really put a damper on things as well.  He also has gotten bigger since surgery so when I am on top it’s hard to work it.  When I think about sex I think about Tom and pleasure myself.  I have several videos of Tom jerking off (what can I say I’m weird).  I love watching his meaty cock in his hands.  I get wet just thinking about it.  I used by vibrator and came hard 3x’s while my fiancé went to run errands and the kids were napping.  I also got a shit ton of housework done.  I still have not found the right balance to function normally and still have Tom be as much as a part of my life as possible under the circumstances.

I felt like a hearbroken teenager….

1 Aug

I had a rough weekend. First Tom has his kid visting from out-of-town so he is not much contact with me right now. He went on vacation only to come home get ready and leave for another vacation with his family and won’t be back untill next Sunday. So Friday I received a response from a love advice column that had written to. The advise was to dump my fiance and give up hope waiting for Tom. I had written I felt like we were a perfect match and the columnists response was he’s married and 700 miles away how is that a perfect match. Now I’m totally bummed I had hoped maybe the columnist would read some of these posts and see how magic Tom and I are together. That we would be perfect together; romancing women, camping, traveling, hiking, seeing shows, he could teach me how to snowboard (laugh when I fall on my ass for the 100th time), work on cars (maybe even build a hot rod together), boating, swimming, listening to music, we could do housework together and have a great time kissing, making love and I’m sure I left out something but I know you get my point. So I’m weepy thinking of how we can’t be together and how much my heart aches for him. Feeling isolated because the only opinion I have is that I should just give up. I think she even said what makes you think he’ll leave his wife for you. Not that I would want that…right now anyway. Then he sends me a text telling me of a love song, Fish and Bird. I read the lyrics and started to cry.


Fish and Bird


By Tom Waits


They bought a round for the sailor
And they heard his tale
Of a world that was so far away
And a song that we’d never heard
A song of a little bird
That fell in love with a whale


He said, ‘You cannot live in the ocean’
And she said to him
‘You never can live in the sky’
But the ocean is filled with tears
And the sea turns into a mirror
There’s a whale in the moon when it’s clear
And a bird on the tide


Please don’t cry
Let me dry your eyes


So tell me that you will wait for me
Hold me in your arms
I promise we never will part
I’ll never sail back to the time
But I’ll always pretend you’re mine
Though I know that we both must part
You can live in my heart


Please don’t cry
Let me dry your eyes


And tell me that you will wait for me
Hold me in your arms
I promise we never will part
I’ll never sail back to the time
But I’ll always pretend that you’re mine
I know that we both must part
You can live in my heart


So, I can’t talk to him, the columnist tells me to give up on him and now this. My mind kept whispering he’s breaking up with you. He’s telling you he’ll always love you but it just cannot be. I usually like to think I’m tough, that I think like a guy but my heart kept breaking. I kept looking for sad songs to further my sulking in a half-broken heart. So I did what any girl should do when they feel broken-hearted. I started cleaning, then drinking then I took the dogs for a run (well a fast jog). Then he called. I was so happy to hear his voice. I wasn’t sure I would tell him how I got sad and insecure but I did. It felt good to tell him. He admitted he teared up too when he listened to the Fish and Bird song thinking of me. I don’t care if he was fibbing it was sweet. We talked about how we have to meet up again. I don’t know when, I think we know where but either way I know we cannot wait to be together again. I still feel like a heartbroken teenager. Listening to sad love songs, thinking about poems, writing a fucking blog about how I feel. Yeah, I love him and I just don’t know what to do. The one thing I do know, I’m not taking that columnists advice.

The day he left…..

25 Jul

We woke up together and started kissing, hugging, touching. Before we knew it we were making love again. Both of us were sore but we couldn’t stay away from each other especially today our last day together untill, well I don’t know when. We showered together and packed our things away. We searched out a little breakfast restraunt and sat across from each other talking about what to do with our time together. I had wanted to take him to this fort on the water. It has a bunch of rooms and nooks we could fool around in I was totally excited to show him the views and the history of the place. When we got there it was closed. He took some photos of the outside of the fort. I loved the angles he chose to shoot. I kept grabbing him and hugging him, holding him close.

We drove off, I went the wrong way and ended up at another old military area by the sea. We wandered arround and found what looked to be an abandoned building. He took me by the hand and went around to the back of the building. He gave me this mischievous smile as he led me arround to the hidden area. He pressed me against the concrete wall kissing me passionately. I grabbed his ass (he has a great butt) and kissed him hard back. My hands groping his pants as we are making out. I started to undo his belt and opened his pants. I undid my pants and slid down and took his cock in my mouth. Making sure it was very hard and very wet before standing back up. I turned to face the wall and leaned over. My hand underneath me grabbing his cock and bringing it to me. When he entered me I got chills, it was so exciting. He held my hips and trust into me quick. It felt so good. I could feel him about to cum and told him how I want him to cum inside of me. I’m getting wet now just thinking about it. We kissed again as we put ourselves back together. We walked around the building holding hands and smiling at each other. Then I hear the sound of children. Turns out the building we thought was empty was a gymnasium. No one seemed to notice us so we just walked out together to explore the rest of the area.

We found a place to get coffee.  It was a short drive a way and was very unique to the city we were in. It was getting closer to the time he would need to catch his flight. He had found out that his flight was again delayed. I tried to steal the time with him, but he wanted to make sure he was waiting for the plane and we made a quick stop looking arround at another record store and then off to the airport.

He played a song, maybe a Shane McGowan song and it hit me that I don’t know when we’ll be together again. We had such a good time. Then I was crying, I tried for a minute to hide it. I smiled through my tears and had him change the music. He found some comedy bit about Dixon Nuts and Cayman Spices. He had me laughing before my tears even dried. On the way to the airport I took off my bra and had him playing with my boobs. I love his touch, it made the ride so much nicer. When we got to the airport I dropped him at the curb. We made out for a few minutes holding each other tight. As I drove away the tears started coming and I couldn’t stop them. He had said to me before our trip that he wanted me to love him more when he left and I did. I had fallen in love with him completely and now he was gone. Holy shit what do I do now.