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It starts with a night out…..

21 Nov

It’s starting to get weird.  We still have been on odd terms.  Nitpicking  each other over chores and money.  His crying the blues that we aren’t having sex.  We still have not made any plans to improve the situation since neither one of us will taken enough blame to satisfy the other. 

I worked Friday from 9am to 10:30pm between both jobs.  I only saw my boys in the morning.  When I got home they were already a sleep.  Saturday I took the boys out for a hike.  We climbed and ran.  Collected fall leaves and had a picnic in the forest.  We checked out mushrooms and mossy rocks.  We had a great time.  They got home and had a good long nap.

That night my coworker was meeting one of our clients for cocktails.  I don’t get to go out much on my own especially since I don’t have many girlfriends.  I was excited to go.  He didn’t argue with me going out.  He always asks when I will get home (I never ask him).  It was a client I have not hung out with before and my coworkers sitter couldn’t stay late so I told him I thought it would be an early night.

We went out and had a cocktail or two at a local Mexican resteraunt.  My client was a lot of fun.  When my coworker left she and I went out to a brew pub and had a pint and checked out a cover band playing music from our highschool days.  It was a nice time.  We made plans to go out again some time,  maybe even catch a show.  I had texted my fiancé that I would be finishing my beer and leaving soon. 

I had to grab some milk and such from the supermarket.  It was very cold out my trunk was like a freezer, so I went out to get one more beer after the market.  I went to my old local hang out.  I spent every Tuesday and Sunday there for a long while maybe 7 or 8 years ago.  While the crowd was not the same the bartender was.  I sat on my own and had a pint of Guinness. 

Eventually I struck up a conversation with the old couple next to me.  Then I met a man who was enchanted with me when I went out to smoke.  I blew him off but it’s always good for the ego.  It was karaoke night so there were quite a few characters out.  The singing was bad but it was entertaining.  I met a transgender girl who used to work at a topless resteraunt in Houston, TX.  Then the fella two chairs over flagged me down and we started chatting.  He insisted on buying me one more beer.  Cute guy ex military covered in ink and worked with a large shipping company.  The woman I was talking to earlier says the guy across the bar has been stairing at you all night.  She asked if I was interested in him.  I told her I’m not really interested in anybody, not wanting to get into a longer story.  She then say the guy next to me and said oh, he’s much cuter. 

By this time my fiancé is texting me and I forgot my original text that I would be home soon.  It’s 1am and he wants fast food.  I tell him I will bring it, sorry I’m late and go to leave.  I have one more smoke before taking off and start off a conversation with a large amature comedian that was fucking funny.  I spent a little more time than I should have talking to him but it was fun.

I got home shortly after with the groceries and fast food.  Catching an earful from my fiancé about how I’m bad with my phone.  Got drilled about my where abouts and why I didn’t answer my phone.  Honestly I didn’t hear the phone calls but I did respond to the texts.  I hate talking to him when he’s already riled up so I just avoided the whole situation. 

All and all I had a good time.  I wish it didn’t rock the boat at home but it seems to be the price of me going out solo.

Music and mayhem….

9 Nov

Whoo hoo!  Had a great time last night.  Went and saw a show and a new local venue.  I made an executive decision to spend $20 bucks and have some fun!  The Koffin Kats played with some other awesome bands at warehouse that just started having shows about two months ago.  The crowd was mostly younger Punks with a handful of Rockabilly types.  I was good and stayed out of the pit.  My fiancé came, I’ve been telling him about this venue.  They’ve had some no name hardcore bands come through. I’ve been trying to get him to go (since I couldn’t go) and he always seemed put off by the no name bands at a new venue in a bad neighborhood. 

We met a few of the folks that run the joint and chatted with the crowd.  My mind kept coming back to Tom.  I’m thinking he would love the place and the crowd.  When I told him about the show I mentioned the 2nd band who I was not familiar with and he knew them right away.  The place was covered in graffiti and had a nice upstairs loungy area with an interesting selection of books.  It was BYOB making it a very cost-effective night! 

I hope I can go to more shows there and make some new friends.  The crew we hang out with is cool but they don’t fit with my interests.  They prefer Techno to Hard Core.  Louis Vuittan to Lucky 13.  Acra to Chevy.  Don’t get me wrong there is a bunch of other stuff we connect on but I’d love to find some folks that match a bit better with my tastes. 

Riding Dirty…..

17 Oct

I had mentioned earlier how I feel like I don’t fit in at work conferences. Well of course I fit right in.  I had a great time.  Class went very well.  The food was good.  I closed the bar down every night and was up early and bright eyed for class.  One night 5 of us went out to a sports bar after class and drank.  We had been joking arround about signing karaoke then lo and behold it was karaoke night at the bar.  The other girl kept talking about singing I offered to go with her.  When it was clear she was not in to do it I had to make it happen.  Too much lip service to something that doesn’t get done drives me crazy.  Since they didn’t have any Pantera I chose Black Sabbath “War Pigs”.  I had a great time screaming out the song.  My group gave me a great applause.  Even though I throughly butchered the song I felt good because I made it happen.  We rode dirty back to the hotel.  I say that because the sweet little thing from a midwest branch was bumping some of the nastiest rap I’ve ever heard.  There were four of us in the back (one guy laying across all of our laps) and a big fella and the sweet little thing on his lap in the front.  She played the classic song “Gin and Juice” by Snoop Dog and we all sang along.  It was a great night. 

On the flip side the contact with my fiancé started decline with each conversation.  He was stressed out.  The boys were trying his patience and his body was bothering him.  Saying things to me like have a good time, sarcastically.  Telling my I shouldn’t go out, that I’m a sloppy drunk.  That men and women are held to different standards.  By Wednesday he was calling me names and just being mean.  Strangely perfect timing.  I hung up on him and texted back my own nastiness.  I used his poor demeanor for the reason why I was not in contact other than to tell the boys good night and that I love them.  I know it all seems so horrible but it worked.  Plus if you can count on someone to be mean to you what is really going on anyway?

Some tears, some cheers and Gomez…..

1 Oct

I was sad to say that after that shitty day Tom was not able to talk to me that night.  He did call me first thing in the morning when I got into my office.  He asked if everything was OK and I gave him the short version, ” My fiancé was being a dick”.  I was alone in the office so I had some time to talk.  He said all the nice things I needed to hear, how I deserve better and my fiancé doesn’t know how lucky he is.  He brought up how men from the South tend to treat their women better.  He said there’s something about being raised Southern.  Having him be so nice and saying those things alluding to it’s just not something in him to treat a lady like my fiancé treats me some times.  Well it got me all choked up.  I just said you’re wife’s a lucky lady before I lost my voice for a second.  He said a few nice things, telling me I have him to, but I don’t.  He could hear me crying. I couldn’t stop it.  He said something about deserving more and all I could say was it’s my fault. Don’t worry I’ll be fine. I said I’m sorry some times talking to you makes me sad and that I had to go.  My co-workers will be at the office soon and I need to get myself together.  He told me he loves me and got off the phone reluctantly.

My manager came in and called me into his office.  He felt bad on how he had relayed the issues with the client that has trouble working with me. I let him know I need to hear it.  How else will I get better?  We talked a little longer about my progress. How when he leaves I will seamlessly get promoted into his job and how I’m so much further ahead that he was at my age.  It was good to hear. He also said that the training class I’m taking in about a week will help me with how to work these customers better.  I told him I think talking to the client in person will help so I made plans to go the next day to call on her at her location.  He was proud of me taking the initiative and putting myself in the line of fire.  All things said this customer is a notorious bitch.

I talked to Tom on my lunch.  I was able to be fun and collected then.  He had sent me a text shortly after we hung up telling me he was worried about me and to make sure I was OK and that I had stopped leaking.  I found that odd because I had refered to my crying as leaking as well when I wrote my last post the night before.  It was a reference to a TV show that had been canceled years ago 3rd Rock from the Sun.  Who would have thought!  We laughed and talked about how excited we are to see each other.  I let him know his ex-supervisor had send a friend request to me on Facebook but I thought it was a farce.  the man’s profile said he’d just left his wife foreclosed his home was moving in with his new girlfriend who is a hottie from the store where he works and that his hobbies include ruining his sons and his wife’s lives and cheating on his wife.  Weird right?  Well come to find out some one was just doing that to him.  Faked a profile and was friending every woman that seemed to be arround the poor bastard.  Made me think how easy it would be for anyone to do that to anyone.  Kinda scary!

I had tickets for a Gomez show that night.  (I’m curious if anyone else has heard of this band because they are from South Port and no one I know seems to have heard of them) So I spoke with my fiancé to see if he still wanted to come.   It was a dry conversation to say the least but he did say he wanted to come and he was going to be helpful in getting the boys ready.  Even better he was going to drive and the show was in an outdoor amphitheater at a brewery.  After work we packed up in the car like a happy little family and went to the show.  The boys were angels the first act was boring!  The boys were attracting attention everywhere.  A few songs into the Gomez set I felt like dancing so I took the boys down with me and we danced like no one was watching.  My two year old has some impressive dance moves and even found a little girl about his age to dance with!  We had blast and my fiancé was nice even though he didn’t like the music and he was still upset with me.

I think I’m always avoiding confrontation.  I need to find a way to step up.  Something’s got to change.  Iwas so sure that I wouldn’t be able to live with him, but now it’s a maybe.  There are so many maybe if I, or maybe it’s the meds or the money problems or our young boys, or my affair with Tom.  So many things to sort out and I just want to feel loved and appreciated I feel like it all rides on me.  Maybe that’s my answer.

Miles away……

4 Sep

Miles Away

By Goldfinger

How deep is your love?
How deep is the ocean?
How deep is the sea?
and how deep is my love?

How deep is your love?
How deep is the ocean?
How deep is the sea?
and how deep is my love?

It’s miles away
Miles away
Miles away
Yeah miles away

How much do you want?
and how far can I take you?
How bad does this hurt?
How much do I want you?

How blind can I be?
so when can I see you?
Will it ever be?
and how deep is my love?

It’s miles away
Miles away
Miles away
Yeah miles away
Let’s go

It’s miles away
Miles away
Miles away
Yeah miles away

Below is a link to a live performance.  Kinda rough sounding but they light the symbols on fire at the end of the song. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGgCmytOC-0

The next morning…..

24 Jul

Waking up with him was so nice. I wanted to surprise him. I pulled the sheets back slowly and slid down the bed. I felt him move and I think I whispered good morning before taking his cock into my mouth. He was hard and caressed the back of my head as I started sucking his cock and fondling his balls. After a few minutes I came up and gave him kisses. Straddling him and letting slide inside of me. It felt so good to be with him. He started thrusting quick and hard from beneath me. He had me moaning with pleasure as he worked me from below. He lay me down on the bed and was fucking me from above and moved my legs, he straddled one leg and had the other one over his shoulder. He was so deep inside of me as he fucked me I was calling his name. Driving me crazy with his thrusts. I came loudly. When we stopped we laughed that the neighbors will all know his name. He put on some of his favorite music and we lay together just enjoying each others touch. We dozed off together and when we awoke again we started kissing that led to touching that brought us back to making love again. Each time it was amazing. It’s like I could not get enough of him. It has been so long since I’ve felt this way. We finally had to think about food again and make contact with our signficant others. He made his call while I was in the shower. We got dressed and headed out for the day.