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Sorry to make you wait….

23 Apr

We were flirting a bit.  He is a handsome Marine and I’m fucking horny, how could I not.  He was brining me beers and opening them.  His mom and my dad were taking and he was playing me music videos.  He only talked a bit about his time in Iraq clearing IEDs.  When my Dad talked about death I was distracted by wondering how much death he had seen overseas. 

He was playful and quietly teased he thought he could get my dad to dance.  He tried playfully to get him to boogie getting some good laughs for his efforts.  It was really quite charming.  At some point in the conversation I let “Get ‘er done.” Oh, how he teased me.  I don’t look like a get ‘er done chick.  Betty bangs, flower in my hair, gauges in my ears. I reminded him I’m hanging out with my dad in a trailer park of course I have a rough side. 

Shortly after he came back with a 2nd 18 pack his mom who was his ride said she had to go home to her new husband and she would need to drop him off at his grandmothers where he was staying while he is going to school.  I liked him and wanted our flirting to continue so I kept him.  He was new to the area and having fun his mom thought it was a good idea. 

It was getting later and my Uncle, his step daughter and her fiancé had just come over to see my Dad.  They are a rough crowd, fitting more than one “You might be a redneck” stereo types.  My new Marine friend had no jacket so he went into the house.  I followed him in.  He put on some more danceable music and he tried to get me to dance.  I wasn’t feeling taking the lead so I kept hoping he’d slide into me and press his hips against mine getting me started but he never did. 

Getting pretty tipsy I was getting more flirty and so was he. He caught me giggling to myself and asked why I was laughing at him. After trying my best not to answer (knowing my answer would push things further), I gave in and said it’s because I think he’s cute. 

We decided to try a game of chess.  While looking for the chess board he put his hand arround my waist here and there.  Our game was set and as I was contemplating a move he poked the side of my boob and smiled at me.  I went back to concentrating and made a pretty strong move.  Things escalated in the name of distraction.  Tickeling and grabbing trying to throw off each others game.  He finally got brave and kissed my neck.  I leaned over to him and kissed him back.  Then back to concentrating on the game. 

I ran my hand up his leg and he did the same to me.  Next thing you know he leans over and bites me hard on the neck.  Oh how wonderful, chills over my whole body.  Like he knows what I want to hear he asks if I want him to dominate me.  He pulls up my shirt and bites my nipple and I’m running my hands over his muscular chest.  I’m suddenly yanked on top of him kissing him passionately as he grinds into me from below.  I hear footsteps.

My Dad pops in, grabs a few beers and then back out.  We keep making out in short bursts I’m nervous I don’t want to do anything to bother my Dad (not to say he would be upset but I don’t want to have him feel like he needs to keep a secret of mine).  I stand up and try to keep my distance.  He steps into me kissing me hard and pushes me over the side of the couch grinding his hard-on into me.  I let my weight drop back and we end up on the floor…me on top grinding him putting my breasts in his face.

I get nervous again.  Back to playing chess, rubbing legs, chests, little bites and kisses.  My hand starts to evaluate the shape of his cock.  It’s just right for a lot of fun.  It’s hard and ready.  He pulls it out and brings my hand down to stroke his shaft while he rubs my pussy through my pants.  I start to get shy again and put my chess face back on and he squeezes his cock teasing me with what I want.  I can see the tip shimmer with pre-cum and he wants me to put his hard member into my mouth.

I want to play but oh God I don’t want my Dad to come in and me with my boobs out and cock in my mouth.  I tell him no with a smile.  He wipes it off with his finger and has me suck off the juices.  I can hear my uncle leaving so we button ourselves up for some good byes.  My Dad is now seeing them off and having another smoke.  My Marine friend is following me arround as I’m cleaning up.  Stealing kisses, grabbing and rubbing me.  When I bend over to get the trash he slides his hand down the back of my pants into my panties.  He slides his finger along my wet lips driving me crazy.  He wraps his other hand arround my waist and pulls me into him my back against his chest.  Leaning in close his breath on my neck he bites me hard again while he slips two fingers inside of me.  Holding me tight against him he works my ready pussy.  He’s up to three fingers and I’m moaning and wiggling against his hold.  Just a minute or two longer I’m bucking against him cumming in his hand.  After he feels me get off he releases me to turn around and kiss him.  Putting his two fingers in our mouths while we kiss.  Tasting my juices.

I’m still flush when my Dad comes back in to lock up the house.  I’m taking him with me for the night so he doesn’t have to sleep alone in the house he once shared with my Uncle.  My Marine friend hops in back and we drop him off at his house.  Back at my house we’re texting and he’s pushing for me to meet him.  He doesn’t know me so he doesn’t understand that it’s impossible for me to do without big trouble.  I know the next day will be very busy so I tell him if he keeps me interested that I will meet him in two days.  I ask if he will stay interested and he says that he kinda likes me.  We say a few other horny nasty things to each other and my fiancé walks up and pulls the phone out of my hands.  He demands to know what I am doing.  The phone loses charge and shuts down as soon as it leaves my fingers.  Trying to hide my relief I tell him playing scrabble.

The next morning I see my neck is bruised from the biting.  Some quick cover up and good as new.  I text my Marine friend that he’s marked me.  No response.  Later I talk to my Dad and he lets me know that my Marine’s friends Mom called my Dad to check on him.  I text that to my new friend.  No response.  I’m starting to feel a bit dirty but I wonder if maybe he’s just not into texting.  One more try, so on Wednesday the day we talked about meeting.  I sent text early.  Nothing.  I sent one a little before lunch.  Already I’m thinking if this guy comes through I’m not having sex with him.  I’ve brought a chess board (we never finished our game) my office had lunch catered so I can bring lunch for free.  So I send another text: “Hey, are you still going to meet me for lunch and a little game?”  Nothing.  A few hours later I text him that  an I’m not interested would have been nice and that I’ll stop bugging him and deleted him from my phone.  What started with a bang ended with a whimper.  Shitty to be rejected but it’s probably better off anyway.

The girl next door……

12 Jan

Oh the memorys.  He was there for my first real sexual experience with a girl.  Well kinda, here’s the story……

We were barbecuing at our little apartment.  We must have been about 24 then.  One of our single buddies was there and when my fiancé saw to nice looking girls walk by he invited them in for a drink and some barbeque.  Both had long hair but the tall one had these beautiful full lips and piercing blue eyes.  They hung out and drank.  We tried to get our friend to chat them up but he proved again why he is single and did a poor job.  The tall one was our new neighbor in the complex.

We became friends going on outings to the river together, out to partes, she would hang with us at our apartment.  One night we were drinking and sitting together on our couch.  She started brushing my hair and telling me how beautiful I was.  I complimented her back.  Her breath on my neck was exciting my heart was racing.  I was aroused by her soft touch.  We were both quite tipsy and she said she wanted to go back to her apartment.  We left together and I don’t know what I told my fiancé but we left him alone.

When we got there we sat on the couch and started making out right away.  Her lips were dreamy.  My hands in her hair, on her breasts.  She was pulling off her shirt and pulling off mine.  Her pale puffy nipples felt so soft in my mouth.  I felt a little lost when she sucked on my breasts, what do I do with my hands?  I closed my eyes and stroked her hair.  We went back to kissing our bare breasts pressed together as we wiggled out of our pants.  Exploring her wet pussy with a finger as we kissed and she squeezed my tits.

She backed away and looked at me.  I told her how beautiful she was before she went down on me and started to lick my pussy.  I was eager to taste her as well.  She playfully tickled me with her tongue and entered me with her fingers.  Her touch was thrilling. 

After enjoying her attention for a while I had her lay back on the couch and kissed her deeply.   I gave her a gentile bite on the neck and her breasts.  Kissing her soft stomach before getting to what I’d been eagerly awaiting.  I lick her and taste her sweet wetness.  I can feel her squirm and I rub little circles with my tongue on her clit.  Kissing and sucking as she moans.  I try adding my hands and awkwardly gently I slip one inside of her a little at a time. 

We ended up kissing some more our naked bodies pressed together.  She was rubbing her pussy on my leg.  It was the first time for both of us but there was a level of comfort that let us fumble a bit without being uncomfortable.  We were so caught up in each other we didn’t seem to notice the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs.  When the door opened my fiancé looked ready to party.  We probably looked like a couple of deer in headlights. 

It was sad to say she was not into being with him at that time.  That was as far as we got.  For a long time he would tease me that he was upset.  Many years down the road he finally got his turn but that is another story.  It is a hot memory that we share.  That summer the song “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy was on heavy rotation on every station.  Not my normal type of music but the lyrics always made us laugh. 

 Here’s the part:

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door

Saw me bangin’ on the sofa (It wasn’t me)

Here’s the video for “It Wasn’t Me”

What a Christmas….

28 Dec

What a whirlwind of holiday fun.  I had taken last week off my day job and was only working nights at the toy store.  I had a great time hanging with my kids and my fiancé was being more of a help than usual.  Just like always I was tight on funds and had to do the bulk of my Christmas shopping on the 23rd when my paycheck came.  I’m not sure what my fiancé was up too that night because I was too caught up in baking.  I made a late night trip to the supermarket and did a good amount of the wrapping with him while we put Dexter on the tube. 

Christmas eve I worked untill about 5:30pm.  The boys and my fiancé delivered the cookies to our neighbors. To my surprise I came home to a clean house!  I thanked him and we were off to my Aunt and Uncles for dinner and cocktails.  I was planning on doing some drinking then finishing up all the Christmas stuff.  Well things got off track.  The boys and I had a great time at my family’s home.  I was taking shots with my Uncle and got a bit tipsy.  My Mom (also drinking) started to grill my fiancé. Basicaly giving him a hard time about the stresses that get put on me.  Well that put him in a bad mood and he wanted to go while I wanted to stay.  I’m guessing we left at about 11ish.  Things got fuzzy because, well I was drunk. 

At home I put the boys down and was snuggling them.  I might have dozed off in the chair where I read them their stories.  I remember my fiancé giving me shit about this.  I was offended so went to my room and looked up some info on my smart phone for tomorrows dinner that I would be cooking.  I again dozed off.  I don’t remember what happened but I think he stated talking shit about my Mom who I defended.  He kept going so I started in on his whole family.  Tacky I know but this always happens he starts in on my family and won’t quit untill I go to far talking about his. 

Now I’m in no mood to be around him,  I text my lover something about being drunk, miserable and that I’m looking forward to getting drunk again tomorrow.  Then a half an hour later maybe 1:30am-ish.  I text him again Merry Christmas and I love him.  Then I’m back out again.

I woke up at 6am in a panic.  I had wrapping and stockings and food to prepare and I failed it all.  I ran out to see that my fiancé had done it all (except the food stuff).  He was so upset with me he had not tried to wake me up to help after our last fight. Part of me was so relived but the guilt was so heavy on me that I had trouble sleeping. 

Everything went well.  The boys had a great time opening gifts, I got the food prepped in the morning.  My Dad and his girlfriend came over brining even more gifts for the boys.  We were over an hour late to my Mom’s where the rest of the family was waiting.  It worked out anyway and  brunch was awesome. 

 I felt a little bad because my fiancé only got a BBQ sauce kit from my Mom and StepDad.  I understood why, but it sucked to know his heart would hurt because of all this.  I also didn’t wrap his gift from me and the last-minute gift I got for the boys to give to him.  I was also supposed to wrap the gifts his Mom had mailed and I didn’t but he wrapped the Fed Ex bags so there was still a surprise for him. 

That night I handled all the cooking.  Dinner wasn’t perfect but it was still tasty.  Friends came over for cocktails. We stayed up late and drank and partied.  I’m really glad the friends came over. 

No matter how much my fiancé drives me crazy and makes my life harder than it has to be I still don’t want his heart to hurt on Christmas.  We did our best to have a nice day and night.  I think it worked out OK.  With him being the hero and setting up Christmas I’m sure I won’t hear the end of how selfish I am for not holding up my end but at least he will have the pride of knowing he pulled it off all by himself.  That’s gotta count for something.     

Hopefully this will be the last year I go into the season unprepared but I think I say that every year.  At least I got the decorating done early.

Will you still love me…..

25 Oct

I may have made a bad choice.  A poor choice of words maybe.  Maybe I’m just a bad communicator all together.  Knowing I need to focus to try to right things in my life I decided to do it.  Tell Tom that I need to talk to him a bit less.  We had not talked for most of the weekend and when talking on Monday I was a bit of a mess.  The bills, the house work, my missing him.  It is all building.  We talked about happy stuff at first.  He’s going out to see a band he likes tonight.  Then I start to tell him how stressed out I am.  How after my fiancé was horrible that it went back to pretty much normal only my fiancé was being super nice.  How I wish I had a partner that would help.  I’m up my eyeballs in debt and house work and how he (Tom) is the perfect escape.  I go on saying after going out to the pumpkin patch this weekend as a family I keep thinking I need to work harder to keep my family together.  He listened he didn’t judge me.  I told him how much I love him.  How I wish I knew what to do. 

Then I said it, would you love me as much if we talked less.  How could he say no.  I told him that I need to work on getting another job, that I should use my lunch breaks to try to get things together in my life.  That the night might be the best time for us to talk.  He seemed to take it real well, oh that and I was crying.  He said he wishes he could give me what I need.  That he could help me.  Just talking with him and my short time being with him helps, the perfect escape.  I thank him for the camping trip, for being someone who is kinda normal that loves me.  I clean myself up and go back to work.

That night after dinner I’m in neurotic cleaning mode moping sweeping, toilets, dishes, counters laundry.  Tom had said “we have plans to go to the show” I think meaning his wife, so I’m not trying to get out to talk to him.  I get a message that he just got to the show.  Later I get these bands suck.  Later on I get ” So is the talking less a way of distancing yourself or giving yourself more time to accomplish tasks?”.  I’m starting to think I should have gone out to walk the muts and talk to him.  My response ” I think both, I’m cleaning right now and I think I love y ou a little more than is OK.  Part reality check part neurotic fix stuff mission.” I’m starting to feel weird and anxious.  I didn’t even think about hurting his feelings.  Even though he loves me I think it’s different that he could go for years with out talking to me and still love me, but he doesn’t need me.  He has a good wife and a good life.  In my mind I’m the one that would benefit from him, I would just be a burden to him other than the sex and stuff.  His reply “….It makes sence to me….but I’ve been drinking….and I mean I’m D runk.”  I tell him I wish I could be there.  How I’d love to get D runk with him (we were pretty drunk the first night we kissed but not D runk!) after a few more cute texts we send our good nights. 

Now our no worries, no strings relationship has gotten complicated.  For the first time I’m worried that I hurt his feelings.  I don’t know how to ask.  Now I wish didn’t draw a line in the sand cutting off our lunch talks.  It might be nothing, I sent him a text  saying I’m worried that I might have hurt his feelings.  Nothing.  I sent later that getting people to take my résumé in person is harder than I thought.  His response could have been an answer to both “Really, I thought you were unshakeable.”  Now nothing.  I’ve done it to myself.  I hope he stays up to talk to me tonight.  This could all be so simple why do I have to complicate things?

Pinned up and pinned down….

18 Sep

Today I’m hung over.  Not too badly but it’s not something I’ve dealt with for a long while.  I am working today. It’s easier to work hangover than be at home with the boys.  My fiancé and I went out to a party.  It was a Pin Up party.  All the girls had their hair curled with flowers or bandanas on.  Cute old-school dresses and lots of polka dots.  I started drinking at the house so I wouldn’t have to drive.  I rarely get out so why should I have to be the DD?  Everyone was happy to see me.  The music was horrible but after a while it was easy to drown out.  We had champagne, rum, vodka and whiskey.  Bong rips and key bumps.  I was pretty fucked up having a great time mingling with everyone when I noticed it was 2:30am.  We needed to get home!  I don’t remember the ride home.  I know from my fiancé that my Dad was kinda mad at us for having him stay late watching the kids.  

After he left my fiancé and I started fooling arround.  My memory fades in an out but I do remember him fucking me hard standing while I kneeled at the edge of the bed.  I let him rub my ass with his cock.  He started to push in and it felt good so I let him.  I turned over on my back and spread my legs showing off my pussy as he fucked my ass.  I guided his hand and had him finger me as he came in me.  As he was getting off he was moaning with pleasure.  With him finishing I knew I could give in and enjoy a great orgasm.  The next morning I surveyed the damage.  Cloths all over the living room.  Pizza over our head-board.  Sheets a mess and my butt feels funny.  I just wish I could remember more.

I want to be there so bad……

2 Sep

I’m just venting.  My love is going to a weekend festival of sorts.  Lots of punk and hard rock bands.  Camping drinking and general lawlessness.  He is bringing his three-wheeler, his shot-gun and a bunch of beer.  There will be lots of smoking (of which he does not partake) and drug use.  Basically a crazy weekend party/camp out with bands.  Oh how I want to shrug of my responsibilities and party with him.  He says he would love to have me there with him.  I tell him go have fun, I won’t expect to hear from him untill Tuesday.  He says he will be texting me if he has signal and if he gets any pictures of boobs he will send them to me.  I love how we interact.  We would have so much fun together.  I hate the reality that I will probably never get to be with him like that.  At least not untill I’m pushing 40 and he’s almost 50 (I’m 32 and he’s 41) and yes we are still acting like kids.  Just one more reason why I love him so.  I hate to think by the time I get my hands on him for good he’ll be to broken down to enjoy sleeping on the ground and partying all night.  I don’t plan on giving those things up (of course only on occasional basis).  As he parties the holiday weekend away I’ll be working.  He does have to work too so I expect to talk to him maybe even video chat when he is in town for work.  He’s going to spend tonight out there and go back out the next day for another night.  I hate to say it but I hope he can’t stop thinking of me while he watches all those other chicks party.

Rambeling about myself…..

14 Aug

In a nut shell my situation is this.  I’m with my fiancé who I’ve been together with for 15 years now.  We have been together since high school.  We have two kids under the age of 5, two dogs, a house and two cars.  Kinda like the American dream right?  Well that’s the short version.  I feel the need to give the long version now. 

We are both high school drop-outs.  I some have a great job even though I’m quite the fuck up.  I’ve smoked weed well over half of my time on this earth.  I got my job at before they started drug testing.  I enjoy using a variety of tamer drugs for recreation when the time is right.  Before my kids I used to trip about once a month.  Do E about every so often and do blow well probably 4-5 nights a week.  Don’t even ask about the drinking.  Even with all this I always showed up to work and performed.  I have a grow room all my own.  When it’s working I stay up late caring for my ladies and playing chemist with all the supplements that a hydro system needs.  I listen to metal, psychobilly, reggae and rock.  I’m just starting to get into punk.  I love to go to shows and even though I’m too old for this shit I love to bounce around in a mosh pit.  Now instead of a Slayer pit I stick to the more tame ones.  Even though I have two little kids I still like to have a good time, but I will not let my wants get in the way of caring for them and protecting them.  I have scaled back my partying a ton.  In fact now it’s probably 2 – 3 nights a year that I get crazy and that’s only when the kids are safely staying with a family member.  I’m learning how to live a “normal” life.  My co-workers mostly don’t know about my tendency to party.  They for sure don’t know I’m bi.  I feel like I have to keep so much of my self separate from parts of my life.  My work has social events some times you bring your spouse.  I have trouble bringing my fiancé because of all the stuff he cannot talk about.  Plus with no career or job he kinda doesn’t fit in.  I think sometimes like I’m an undercover freak.

Now I’ve got a new secret in my life Tom.  He doesn’t do drugs or smoke.  He has a job.  He was in the military for 10 years.  He does like to go to shows and he loves me.  I think he is the closest to a normal person who loves me ever.  I broke up with my fiancé once and I started dating a chef who was also a large-scale grower close to normal but not so much.  He had 10lbs of weed in his back room and half a pound of psychedelic mushrooms and the underside of his deck was double grow room.  Now I have a guy who is interested in me that would match up with how normal my life has become.  I could take him with me to the normal events and I wouldn’t have to remind him of what not to talk about.  I’ve told him about as much of my life as he would listen too.  I’d feel comfortable telling him anything he wants to know.  He says he’d be OK if I still chose to do drugs for fun.  He’s OK with me liking women ( guess what guy wouldn’t be).  He even said he would be OK letting me fuck another guy if it made me happy.  I love the way I feel when I’m talking to him.  When I’m with him.  He lives 700 miles from me.  He is married, they have a house, two dogs and two cars and a person they take care of.  We’ve only been in the same place a total of 6 days.  3 of those days were only a few hours.  I am so drawn to him.  When we talk about sex I’m so turned on by him.  When we talk about everyday stuff I want to be there.  When we talk about meeting I’m ready to run to him.  Still I don’t know where this will lead.  My heart is getting way to wrapped up in this and I’m starting to lose it.  My life was already complicated but now it’s dizzying. 

Some times I wonder why don’t I just say good-bye to both of them.  One doesn’t help me much and sometimes drags me down.  The other is, well, unavailable.  Then I think who would know me and love me.  I need a decent person to be with me and my kids and what decent person would like me with my crazy ways.  Maybe I’m over thinking this but it keeps coming back arround in my head.  I think I’ll do what I’ve always done.  Look forward, work hard and keep being me.