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Some tears, some cheers and Gomez…..

1 Oct

I was sad to say that after that shitty day Tom was not able to talk to me that night.  He did call me first thing in the morning when I got into my office.  He asked if everything was OK and I gave him the short version, ” My fiancé was being a dick”.  I was alone in the office so I had some time to talk.  He said all the nice things I needed to hear, how I deserve better and my fiancé doesn’t know how lucky he is.  He brought up how men from the South tend to treat their women better.  He said there’s something about being raised Southern.  Having him be so nice and saying those things alluding to it’s just not something in him to treat a lady like my fiancé treats me some times.  Well it got me all choked up.  I just said you’re wife’s a lucky lady before I lost my voice for a second.  He said a few nice things, telling me I have him to, but I don’t.  He could hear me crying. I couldn’t stop it.  He said something about deserving more and all I could say was it’s my fault. Don’t worry I’ll be fine. I said I’m sorry some times talking to you makes me sad and that I had to go.  My co-workers will be at the office soon and I need to get myself together.  He told me he loves me and got off the phone reluctantly.

My manager came in and called me into his office.  He felt bad on how he had relayed the issues with the client that has trouble working with me. I let him know I need to hear it.  How else will I get better?  We talked a little longer about my progress. How when he leaves I will seamlessly get promoted into his job and how I’m so much further ahead that he was at my age.  It was good to hear. He also said that the training class I’m taking in about a week will help me with how to work these customers better.  I told him I think talking to the client in person will help so I made plans to go the next day to call on her at her location.  He was proud of me taking the initiative and putting myself in the line of fire.  All things said this customer is a notorious bitch.

I talked to Tom on my lunch.  I was able to be fun and collected then.  He had sent me a text shortly after we hung up telling me he was worried about me and to make sure I was OK and that I had stopped leaking.  I found that odd because I had refered to my crying as leaking as well when I wrote my last post the night before.  It was a reference to a TV show that had been canceled years ago 3rd Rock from the Sun.  Who would have thought!  We laughed and talked about how excited we are to see each other.  I let him know his ex-supervisor had send a friend request to me on Facebook but I thought it was a farce.  the man’s profile said he’d just left his wife foreclosed his home was moving in with his new girlfriend who is a hottie from the store where he works and that his hobbies include ruining his sons and his wife’s lives and cheating on his wife.  Weird right?  Well come to find out some one was just doing that to him.  Faked a profile and was friending every woman that seemed to be arround the poor bastard.  Made me think how easy it would be for anyone to do that to anyone.  Kinda scary!

I had tickets for a Gomez show that night.  (I’m curious if anyone else has heard of this band because they are from South Port and no one I know seems to have heard of them) So I spoke with my fiancé to see if he still wanted to come.   It was a dry conversation to say the least but he did say he wanted to come and he was going to be helpful in getting the boys ready.  Even better he was going to drive and the show was in an outdoor amphitheater at a brewery.  After work we packed up in the car like a happy little family and went to the show.  The boys were angels the first act was boring!  The boys were attracting attention everywhere.  A few songs into the Gomez set I felt like dancing so I took the boys down with me and we danced like no one was watching.  My two year old has some impressive dance moves and even found a little girl about his age to dance with!  We had blast and my fiancé was nice even though he didn’t like the music and he was still upset with me.

I think I’m always avoiding confrontation.  I need to find a way to step up.  Something’s got to change.  Iwas so sure that I wouldn’t be able to live with him, but now it’s a maybe.  There are so many maybe if I, or maybe it’s the meds or the money problems or our young boys, or my affair with Tom.  So many things to sort out and I just want to feel loved and appreciated I feel like it all rides on me.  Maybe that’s my answer.

Ball game and a show……

12 Aug

I had the most fun I had in a long time about a month ago.  My work had gotten a luxury box for a base-ball game.  Free beer and brats!  Had some good company and didn’t have to drive.  The game was over way quick.  I got a good buzz going and we stopped at the local tavern when we got back to the town where my boss lives.  Had some great fries and some Lucky 13 from Lagunitas. 

I was early for my next adventure so I took a few minutes in the restroom to change into to a sexy sleeveless top and took my makeup up a notch for the show!  I was going to see the Reverend with the Swinging Utters!  While waiting for my fiancé to meet me I layed down in the grass in a park with a great view.  I had a video call with Tom.  I wished I was going to the show with him but with 700 miles between us it’s hard to get a date.  So my fiancé, our friend and I went out to dinner.  The place we went had great salsa.  I ordered a crab tostada.  The crab was horrible.  I tried their burritos also bad.  I had almost no dinner due to the poor quality of food.  Plus my stomach was touch due to all the beer and ball park junk food.  I was texting with Tom and he asked how much do you want to kiss me.  I said more than I want to smoke a joint.  I asked him the same question, he replied with the same answer.  I teased him saying you don’t smoke I’m offended.  Then my phone died.  I felt bad that I left him hanging but I could not ask my fiancé for his phone to text my lover now could I?  We ran into a friend who runs a tattoo shop down the way from the concert hall and smoked a joint with him.  It sure helped my tummy.  Now I’m feeling great! 

We got into the show and we were early.  I got my first Sailor and 7 for the night and we hung out and watched the crowd.  The opening band was great.  I had never seen the before and was so glad that I did.  The pit was small.  There was very tall guy with a huge mohawk in the pit the whole time, even soloing it at times.  I was being my self yelling my approval to the band bouncing around ready to run into the pit but I didn’t.  I was pretty drunk when they started to set up for the Reverend.  We saw a few friends and said our hello and they went back up to the front where we couldn’t go.  My fiancé had a surgery about 7 months ago and still didn’t do well with crowds.  He wanted me to hang with him so we were on the floor but against a wall off to the side.  When the Reverend came on I was drunk.  The pit was heating up and the band sounded great.   I wore flip-flops to the show because I knew my fiancé would not want me in the pit without him being to go in if he felt the need.  I kept taking off my shoes and starting to go.  He’s holding me back by my belt loops.  I give up at times and just dance with my back to him.  I feel him pulling at me here and there but I’m thinking he’s just trying to keep me from taking off for the front of the stage or the pit.  After the show I’m drunk and kinda pissy he wouldn’t let me play.  We had a friend that had said he could get us back stage but my fiancé didn’t even call him.  I was kinda disappointed about that. 

We went back to my friend’s house and had a beer in the hot tub and smoked another doobie.  I fell asleep in the car on the way home and when I got home I laughed my ass all the way into the house and to bed.  It was a great time.  I kept thinking I might have had more fun with Tom.  The next day I told Tom about the show.  He teased me that I forgot about him.  His response to how much he wanted to kiss me was more than he wanted to breath.  How sweet, he is always so sweet.  He said he would have let me play in the pit and go up to the front of the stage.  He knows one of the techs for the band he said he would have gotten us backstage to meet the Reverend and Jimbo (I always forget the drummers name).  I guess it’s easy to think it would be better if someone else was there but for some reason I really believe it.  I hope one day I’ll be able to see for real.  We said next time the Reverend tours we will go together.  I guess I will just have to wait and see.

The third day and night……

23 Jul

At this point my fiancé is very angry with me from the previous night. I am not calling him when I get to the hotel, because I’m drunk and it’s late. He is angry so it makes even harder to call. He’s hanging up on me and calling me names. Work is going well though. I might be out drinking every night but I’m on point at the office and having a good time with the staff.  After work I decide that I’ll stay in that night. I try to go to bed early.  I kick my covers, toss and turn, try to watch a show on the tube. All that echos in my mind is that the gay bar down town is the best place to dance and I’ve not danced yet.  I’m starting to love this town and know if I don’t check it out tonight that I wont see it at all.  I get myself done up and I’m off to the bar again. 

When I get there no one is dancing. It was a sad sight.  I went to another bar where I said hello to the man in the doorway. I thought he was the bouncer. He was not, but he needed a friend. He was from my state and we sat down and had a drink. Then we went to the next bar where there was live music and had another. Then to the next bar more live music and had another. I was having a great time.

He asked what I was doing out by myself.  I told him about the gay bar and how I wanted to dance.  He said he could make it happen so we went back together. While I was outside talking to some fellas he was inside having the bartender pour him a tray of double shots. He went arround to all the folks in the bar saying they could have a shot if they danced with me. Before I knew it I had these beautiful men coming up to me and dancing on me like they were clothed strippers. Even though I didn’t have the right equipment to be their type they made me feel like a queen! We danced and shut down the bar, got some pizza and I went back to the hotel.

This night I sent a picture to my fiancé to say I was home and show I hung out with men that were not interested in me. It was a picture of me dancing with two of the men at the bar. You guessed it he was not happy. I got cussed out and hung up on. I went to sleep to get ready for Thursday!