Archive | bike ride RSS feed for this section

Still torn….

20 Feb

Yesterday Tom texted me that he was riding his bike to work to get in better shape for our summer vacation.  I hoped he ment me and him but since we had nothing planned yet I wondered if it was a vacation he and his wife were taking together.  When he got done with his little five mile ride he called me out of breath.  After we talked for a little bit I asked if it was a vacation for him and I.  Of course it was.  He said he was all sweaty and cold and needed to get cleaned up to go into work.  It was 33 degrees and sprinkling.  I think that’s so hot and I told him so. 

I’m counting down.  Ten days until my lover will be in my neck of the woods.  With his wife and her sister and maybe her brother will be with him.  He still doesn’t have a plan to break away.  I have two days off and I don’t know which one I will need to use to drive to the city to meet him for an hour or two or more?  I’m tempted to pay for the ladies to get mani-pettis so I can steal a bit of his time. 

I know I’ve said it before but the lowred contact makes me wonder if he still has the same feelings for me.  Then he’ll get on the phone with me and tell me how amazing I am and how he wants to hold me.  He left me the cutest voice mail message saying he wanted to get behind me and squeeze my titties while he fucked me.  I still have it saved for a rainy day, listening to it always makes me smile.  He sent me a picture of his cock recently and my responce was it makes me want him to shove it inside of me.  It always amazes me that my doubt is erased by contact with him.  He really makes me melt.

Advertisements

Gambling girl…..

8 Aug

Oh the weekend.  I used to love you.  Now you make me anxious and tired.  This weekend I had fun.  I got shit done.  We went over to my Mom’s and swam till about 11 at night.  The boys had a blast!  I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned some more, I think I cooked in there too.  We went to the park and ran around.  We went to a festival of Mustaches and Bicycles.  As my fiancé sat around while I was working away or was a poop at the festival that was smaller than we had anticipated I kept thinking would it be more fun with Tom.  My fiancé would try to kiss me or grab my tit or ass and I just couldn’t be receptive.  I wish he would just disappear some times.  While I’m digging in my back yard trying to prep to grow some grass he’s standing around smoking.  He did cut some tree into pieces but cleaned nothing and was bothered to watch the kids while I worked.  We did go on a bike ride together than was nice. 


I kept thinking could I mountain bike with Tom?  Oh my love, he had been out of touch for so long.  I was writing texts to myself with no response.  What a lonely place to be living with some one that you’re falling out of love with and be out of touch with the one you do love.  Doubt keeps sliding in, wondering if we would really be good together.  If my fiancé left, if we broke up would he want to be the one for me for real?  I try not to think about that.  I try to keep the issues separate.  If I get left by my fiancé for what I’m doing I’m not going to expect Tom to come and jump right into my life.  I want it to be that way. It’s so fucking hard to keep my mind straight.  I wonder what would happen if his wife was to find out.  Would she just forgive him?  Would she leave?  Should I ask him what he thinks?  When we started talking very little was off-limits.  I didn’t care what he thought of me if he stopped talking to me who cares.  He was cool but if he wasn’t cool with me whatever, right?  Now I’m hooked, I can’t stop thinking about him.  If he decided not to talk to me I’d be questioning myself.  I guess there is just so much more at stake now that I love him so.  I wonder if he’s just using me for sexual encounters that are low risk (expensive though).  I don’t think it’s the case but when you can’t see someone when you talk to them do you really know if they are telling the truth?  We’re talking about meeting up again but this time in a gambling city.  Well I guess I’m a gambling girl.  I’m almost all in here and I’m gonna stay on for the ride.  I hope I win big.  It’s gonna hurt like fuck if I bust.