A new normal…….

16 Jan

At first I was hurt and feeling rejected by the fact Tom was texting me less.  Sometimes even bypassing my questions I’d texted to him.  Usaly nothing of importance just digital small talk but he had a strong hold on my heart and to be ignored sucked.  When we started talking we couldn’t get enough of each other the feelings felt mutual. 

I learned he had experience cheating. I would tell him how guilty I felt when I thought about how much this could hurt my fiancé.  He didn’t seem to have the same issues at all.  He told me how he could keep things separate and it didn’t bother him.  It seamed so strange to me, I didn’t think I’d ever feel that way. Time has passed and now things are separate for me too. A new normal.

Time is making it easier for me to define a place in my life for Tom.  Before it was a strong pull to be with him to bring him into my everyday life.  I think a few things worked together to get me over this.  He has said somethings that make me think that maybe he’s not the ideal partner I imagined him to be, nothing major just little things.  The lowered contact has also helped lessen the pull, I almost feel like he’s training me to accept this but that just might be in my head.  I’m refocusing on my home life.  It’s putting things back into perspective. 

I still love to talk to him.  I still can’t wait to see him.  I don’t have the heartache and the weepyness anymore.  I even worry that maybe I need to let him know that things are changing for me.  Sometimes I think I know what another person is feeling or thinking but I’ve been wrong more than once.  I wonder if he still thinks that if he asked I’d run to him ( I guess more like clear a spot for him to run to me ).  I don’t know if that would work now.  However I don’t think that is ever going to happen. 

I am moving forward with a new normal.  Tom is a good friend, a wonderful lover (when I get my hands on him).  I don’t wait for his every text checking my phone every few seconds.  I don’t send him a picture every day.  I don’t feel slighted when he doesn’t text me.  When we do talk it’s always wonderful.  When we touch it’s magic.  Sometimes when you get too much of a good thing it looses it’s magic, this might be the perfect way to keep the magic going.

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4 Responses to “A new normal…….”

  1. christine January 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm #

    I can relate to your feelings. I too am trying to refocus more on “home”. Good luck to you and I look forward to reading more about how things are going~

    • terriblytorn13 January 18, 2012 at 12:10 pm #

      Thank you for the comment. You’ve got my curiosity peaked I’ll have to pop over to your blog and check it out.

  2. The Hook January 21, 2012 at 11:18 am #

    Your life is in flux right now… to say the least!

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