SWK….

8 Jan

Single with kids.  When I think about it I get a little scared.  I wonder if I will have a social life.  Probably not and I am behind the eight ball because I don’t really have a collection of friends on my own.  Since my fiancé and I spent almost all of our time together my friends are our party buddies.  I like the idea of making new friends and building relationships, but with kids I wonder how much freedom I will have to nurture new relationships. 

I also have this tendency to feel nervous or inferior to others.  Like I don’t bring much to the table.  I know it’s silly.  I’m a great listener, I’m dependable and cheery but I still feel like the odd man out.  When other chicks are hanging out with their girlfriends I’m hanging with the guys talking shit. 

Meeting some one and dating.  I don’t like the idea of that at all.  Aren’t all the good ones taken.  Do I need to check cemeteries and rehabs to find good men who lost their significant other?  Then what good man would like me.  My kinda of girl attracts dirt bags. 

Even though I love Tom he’ll never be mine plus he’s a cheater.  He cheats for the trill of it.  No matter if I’m bi and into being with the woman he wants to cheat with it will mess up the thrill of it.  I know it sounds weird but I don’t want someone going behind my back.  Maybe that takes me back to the open relationship idea but then again won’t that attract the wrong types?

The stress of deciding whether to work on my relationship with my fiancé or break it off is driving me mad.  Then I have these selfish thoughts of being lonely and social dysfunctional that go along with it.  Do I just stay because it’s going to be hard and lonely?  The life I picture I should have might just be impossible since I picture it with a faceless partner that may not exist and if they do I might never find them.  Worse yet I might find them and they won’t like me.

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8 Responses to “SWK….”

  1. The Hook January 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm #

    You shouldn’t feel inferior to ANYONE, EVER!
    Your future will be bright if you just stay focussed, young lady!

    • terriblytorn13 January 8, 2012 at 12:44 pm #

      I know it’s lame but internally it’s how I feel. I try to ignore it until it fades. Maybe someone will read it and see they aren’t the only one that has that little twinge in the back of their mind.

      I’ll just look in the mirror and say, “I’m good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it people like me.”. Untill it goes away 

      • sexuallifeofawife January 8, 2012 at 1:35 pm #

        Having kids around can really help build new friendships. Just taking them to places where they need to be means you meet a regular set of faces who you might eventually get to know…. Its a start any way…
        Most of us feel inferior sometimes. But I’m sure you needn’t be. You’re a real fighter and you’ve got so much to bring to a relationship!

        • terriblytorn13 January 8, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

          Thanks Sophia, I usually don’t have those kind of girly “feeling” talks with anyone. I know I’m not the only one. To hear it (or read it) from someone (that I admire 🙂 ) helps my brain a bit.

      • f#@*knows January 8, 2012 at 3:05 pm #

        I’m your maybe, consider it done!

        • terriblytorn13 January 8, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

          I would have never guessed you!
          I picture you dashing, confident and charming.
          Thank you for letting me know you’re my maybe and of course, we’re not the only ones.

  2. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress January 8, 2012 at 7:27 pm #

    what you’re feeling is completely normal as you approach the idea in the abstract. When/If you decide to move on without you fiance, then you’ll realize how much love and support you have. Believe in yourself. I hang out with men and are much more comfortable around them than women. There are local groups like meetup.com that you can join to find people with similar interests as you. And like sexuallifeofawife stated, having kids will open up your opportunities to find more friends – even if you aren’t the girlfriend type.

    You have much to offer, don’t sell yourself short.

    • terriblytorn13 January 10, 2012 at 11:00 am #

      Thank you for the encouragement. When my thinking goes that direction I feel so isolated and diffrent. Honestly I love the idea of meeting new people and having new experiences. Since most people (especially most men) hide their insecurities I forget that it’s not just me that can get into these negitive thinking paterns.

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