Holiday Hodgepodge…..

17 Dec

Ah the holidays, I love the spirit of the holidays.  I’ve got my house covered in lights and large inflatable holiday characters in my yard.  The tree has been up and I’ve started baking with a little help from my boys.  I want them to have a great Christmas and I think I can pull it off.  They are so excited.  My major regret with them is due to my hectic work schedule I have not gotten to take them to any tree lightnings or holiday events.  Maybe I can find something to cram in this coming week.

Things with my fiancé are miserable.  He’s weepy often and constantly sick or in pain.  His need for my affections has put me in a corner.  I blurted out that he doesn’t do it for me right now.  In the argument that followed he asked if I was just holding out to tell him to leave after the holidays.  I told him again that I can’t imagine a life without him but I can’t see a good life with him.  I let him know maybe he can change my mind but from here it doesn’t look so good.  I had just worked all night got a nap and went back to work so I was tired, sore and sick.  He saw how miserable I was and came to me while I was laying in bed with the boys watching Frosty the Snowman and gave me a rub down.  I felt guilty taking it was so nice. 

I found out this week I won’t get the new title that comes with a little raise.  My manager will give it another go but they don’t know why I didn’t make the list.  It might be a corporate thing. Who knows?  I was looking forward to a little relief, but oh well.  The boys had gotten colds that turned into ear infections and even with health insurance it cost a pretty penny.  My fiancé had to pick up five medications that cost even more than usual.  My car battery finally gave out.  On top of all that I have been fighting with my mortgage company for a while now about a payment they misapplied and now they’ve sent a foreclosure notice.  I’m not concerned that I’ll lose my home, we are no where close to that, however I can’t believe they would go to that extreme over this little issue.  I again am in contact with the bank to correct this but I know its going to be a battle and I’m not looking forward to the time it will suck out of my life. 

…….and then there’s Tom.  I miss him and wish he could hold me and tell me it will be OK.  I’m so wrapped up in everything that I’m loosing that closeness we used to have.  We talk mostly when he calls me at my office.  I can talk but I can’t be open and there are somethings I can’t say.  I’m starting to wonder what we have.  Some days I feel like he’s tired of me and some days he makes me feel so special that I feel silly that I’d even thought that.  Right now he feels like something I can never have.  A huge part of my pull towards him is what a good partner he would make and I can’t see us being together.  It muddies the waters for me.  I still lust for him, I still get butterflies when we talk but something is changing and I can’t put my finger on it yet.

I want to thank you all for reading and thank you for your comments.    Things are crazy and I’m short on time so I   probably won’t write untill the last few days of the month or maybe not untill 2012.  I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season.  Wishing the best to you and your families. 

7 Responses to “Holiday Hodgepodge…..”

  1. sexuallifeofawife December 17, 2011 at 2:16 pm #

    Thank you Terriblytorn! At least you told your Fiance how you really feel about your outlook together. Hope you get to have some rest at some point and you manage to spend some quality time with your boys….
    Enjoy your Christmas!

    • terriblytorn13 December 17, 2011 at 4:07 pm #

      You’re welcome! I will get some rest, I’ve taken a week off of my day job and will do some fun stuff with the boys durring the day.
      I hope you and your family have a great Christmas too!

  2. The Hook December 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm #

    Sorry about the promotion, young lady. The corporate world is filled with… you guessed it – douchebags!
    Can you REALLY not imagine a life without your current (at home ) man? Seriously?

    • terriblytorn13 December 17, 2011 at 4:12 pm #

      Thanks Hook!
      We’ve been together since I was 17 of course I’ve invisioned our whole life togehter.
      But you,re right I can see a little into the other option, like the ghost of Christmas future.

  3. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress December 17, 2011 at 7:07 pm #

    I agree with Hook. I think you’re more comfortable than happy. It’s hard to make a change after so many years. If you decide it is time for a change then I would suggest distancing yourself from Tom while you gain clarity.

    Have a great New Year. May 2012 bring you much needed happiness!

    • terriblytorn13 December 18, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

      I’m at a point where I’m confused. I can’t tell if it’s the comfort level or the fact I think maybe he can change. It’s just ______ holding him back.

      I keep telling myself Tom has no impact on this situation. I don’t plan to run off with him. I don’t see him running to me ever. However my interactions with him do muddy things up a bit on commiting to give fixing things a real shot….you’ve given me something to think about.

      Thank you and I also hope you have a great 2012 and a warm holiday season.

  4. Sad Man's Tongue: Rockabilly Bar & Bistro - Prague December 25, 2011 at 2:45 am #

    Merry Christmas and thanks for following 🙂

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