Well maybe I am…..

6 Dec

Am I shallow or will more money help? I work in banking but I feel like my finances are out of control. I don’t feel like I have too many extras but maybe the cable TV has to go all together. Two smart phones, maybe that’s a little more than we should have. I’ve started putting my oldest son in a preschool type program and that is stretching me out, but I believe it’s important for him so I have to make room for it. When I try to figure out a budget I get dizzy. How much should I allot for food, gas, meds, household stuff. Now do I have anything left to save for home and auto repairs. Shit, I need a bigger more reliable vehicle but I can’t see how a car payment can fit into my life. How do others do it? What am I missing?

Mzklever recently posted that I should seek a good therapist for my emotional and mental needs maybe I also need to reach out to someone to help me make a plan to manage my bills. I work for a freaking bank you would think there would be someone that can help with that.

When I argue with my fiancé about money he tells me I’m shallow but when I have to worry about how can I afford tires, a roof, why are my floor boards curling (freaky right?), windows, rotten door frame, landscaping not to mention clothes that don’t look ragged, shoes without holes, a freaking vacation and now maybe a therapist….. is that shallow or is that building a decent life?

I have written down our financial situation and asked for his help. He’s more lost than I am. I have begged him to contribute and he has earned $20 here and $20 there fixing friends computers. He has also let himself take up smoking again after being only a social smoker for the last five years or so. I wonder if it’s the new meds. I know I like to smoke when I’m high. It’s pain relief but he’s got to be high.

I guess I need to consider getting some help from a few new souces this New Year.
1) Therapist
2) Financial planner

3) Your advice

OK ready set go…

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8 Responses to “Well maybe I am…..”

  1. The Hook December 6, 2011 at 3:10 pm #

    Ironically, most banking employees are as bad off as the rest of us! Your man – the one at home – needs to step up, BIG TIME!
    You deserve a decent life – and so do your kids!

    • terriblytorn13 December 6, 2011 at 4:55 pm #

      They have it good. I make sure the come first. I want to show them the big stuff though. Disney land, Yosemite even the fair and that takes some cash flow.

      Thanks Hook!

  2. sexuallifeofawife December 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm #

    I’m really into making lists… sometimes putting down on paper what you need to do can be helpful…

    • terriblytorn13 December 7, 2011 at 1:44 pm #

      I think that’s probably my best bet.
      It’s something I need to work on, both at home and at work.

  3. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress December 11, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with planning a financial future and trying to ensure you have all your needs met. You are far from materialistic. Listen to his words, but know he’s coming from a place where he cannot possible help. It’s easier on the ego to put you down and cast you as evil than to admit his shortfall.

    • terriblytorn13 December 12, 2011 at 4:12 pm #

      I never thought of it that way. Thank you for the insight.

  4. mzklever January 22, 2012 at 5:38 am #

    If you’re in a big enough city, there are social services that are sliding scale. You can find a therapist that you can afford. Being high to relieve pain is bullshit. I live with a phenomenal amount of pain every day, and I don’t do it by being high. If he’s not contributing, he doesn’t get to buy cigarettes or drugs, OR complain. Raising your boys in a house with a drug addict is NOT putting them first. I know you want better than that for them, right?

    • terriblytorn13 January 23, 2012 at 10:19 am #

      I should probably email you directly. The pain and unknown illness is one of the things that has me really up in the air. Part of me says he should just tough it out, the other part says how can I say I can’t feel what he does. He has been going to doctors regularly to try to find what will make things easier or better, even to find out exactly what the problem is. The doctor has mentioned fibromyalgia and I’ve heard that can be very hard to diagnose.

      I also have a soft spot for his sadness. His most used emotion seems to be anger but when he gets sad and has the old kicked puppy look going I feel so bad and just want him to feel better. So, he gets what he wants too often.

      Yes, the boys deserve better, if I felt like it was a danger I would never let him stay. I’ve known addicts that will sell anything to buy a pill or two on the black-market. He will go days without them waiting for his prescription, I feel like it makes it different some how.

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