When it piles up too high…..

28 Nov

Is it weird to be unhappy when things are going well?  Last night I started to straighten out my garage.  To describe it I would say it looks like hoarders lite.  I have a very small house and my garage is full of stuff.  Last night I decided at about 10 o’clock to put up the Halloween boxes up in the rafters and take down the X-mas goods.  To make room there had to be some cleaning done.  To my surprise my fiancé came out and helped.  He has been keeping the house tidy and keeping the kids busy.  There has been quite a change in him.  I think this might be due to him watching me leave Thanksgiving at 8 at night to go to work for minimum wage to make sure my boys have a Christmas and running water, but that’s just a guess. 

So as he’s cleaning we’re talking.  Things we uncover bring up fond memories and such.  We pause for a moment to smoke and I’m not busy enough to avoid looking into his eyes when we talk.  I can see him perk up.  I feel so bad now, I have all this guilt from the stuff I’m hiding from him and he’s happy to have me be nice.  It goes from talking to now he’s touching me.  Smacking my butt, pinching my sides with a little tickle.  He finds me cornered and says kiss me beautiful.  How could I not kiss him?

 I still have all these problems.  Even as we’re working he needs my direction to do anything.  It’s fully clear there are a million things to do I still don’t know why he cannot figure it out on his own.  The big man-child thing is just not sexy.  We ended up cleaning until 1:30am and afterwards going straight to bed.

So here I am again waffling.  I keep coming back to I can’t imagine a life with out him but I also can’t imagine a good life with him.  I need him to do something to change my perception or it’s gotta end.


4 Responses to “When it piles up too high…..”

  1. sexuallifeofawife November 29, 2011 at 12:10 am #

    It might hot help – but you could try if he’s asking you where to put something etc “I don’t know you decide…” lolx

  2. The Hook November 29, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

    Just keep working at it, young lady! Never give up on your happiness!

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