Spinning….

22 Nov

Wow, to say I was not prepared was an understatement. Things went from I’m sure I need to get rid of this asshole to I can’t believe I’m breaking his heart like this. He recently freaked out a little from our discussions and my night out.  Where to start?  Well my fiancé has been fighting for my affections.  When I say fighting, I mean yelling and arguing that I should be more loving and affectionate.  Not a turn on. 

 I’ve opened the door to what would make me a more affectionate loving girl: 

  • Not yell at me about such things,
  • Make more of an effort around the house (he is a stay at home dad) and if he cannot do very much be aware of it and possibly be apologetic.
  • Be attentive to our money situation and contribute. 

He fought me on all of those points.  I’m no perfect angel but in my opinion, I’m worth keeping around.  Where do you find a pretty, hard working girl to support your lazy ass these days?  If you know tell me so I can ask her out on a date. 

From there the fighting ensued.  Then it broke.  He organized a bureau and dusted the TV. I cleaned the bathrooms, mopped, cooked, laundry, kids’ rooms and the kitchen.  You know what things looked good but there is still more to do. 

He then lost his fight and became mopey.  I fixed some dinner while he spent his time in the garage or in our room.  At dinner it got weird.  My son was not eating food and being a bit mouthy.  My fiancé tells him to respect his mom.  That he’s not sure if he’ll be around to remind him so he has to learn it now.  He’s now looking at us and tearing up.  Talking about how he’s going to end up like my Dad.  That he will become an afterthought for the holidays.  That I’ll be too busy trying to impress my new family to care about him. 

I’m now noticing his eyes are very red and they are not moving in sync.  He’s falling asleep while chewing, OMG!  I ask if he just took his pills, he said he took three. His pupils are pinpoints.  He starts to ramble about how much he loves us all that we are everything to him.  I know I’ve complained and vilified him but now I just feel so sorry for him.  I feel bad for what I’ve done, what I’m doing, what I think I have to do.  When he is fighting me I forget he’s damaged goods with a poor skill set.  I’m apparently not equipped to help him grow.  I’m not a get help kinda girl. I keep thinking he should be able to do it himself but what if he can’t.  I’m currently not able to afford therapy for him and I wonder if that will just turn me into the villain.  

 I was so not ready for the sad part.  I was bracing for the mad part.  He looks like a kicked puppy.  Before this weekend I was so sure of what I have to do, now it’s fuzzy again.

 

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6 Responses to “Spinning….”

  1. The Hook November 22, 2011 at 12:04 pm #

    Stand your gound! You’ve come too far to turn back now!

    • sexuallifeofawife November 22, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

      I agree with The Hook: Stand your ground! I know its hard, but you can’t go on like it was… Things might then start to get better! lolx

      • terriblytorn13 November 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm #

        Something’s got to give. I’m going to have to stop compromising so I can start living.

    • terriblytorn13 November 22, 2011 at 3:35 pm #

      I’ve come so far I think I’m lost.
      Thanks for the advice Hook!

  2. B November 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm #

    Make yourself happy and well sometimes you have to let go of things even if it hurts.

    • terriblytorn13 November 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm #

      I’m sure you’re right. I just hate to think of breaking up the family and what if I’m wrong (even though I’m already in the wrong). Just what goes through my head. Thank you for commenting.

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