Wrecking shop like an addiction…..

7 Nov

I just had lunch with my Mom.  She helped me out with a little money.  My fiancé is out of meds we’re low on gas and we could use a few fresh veggies.  I will pay her back on my pay-day.  I gave her my good news I got a 2nd job!  I will make twenty-five cents more than minimum wage and work all night long.  It’s seasonal at a large toy retailer.  Another upside is that it give me a small discount on toys. 

 Not surprising this was not good news to her.  She is completely disgusted by the lack of help I get from my fiancé on anything financial.  She aware of his poor spending habits and how I have been a push over, not putting my foot down to change things.  We had a good talk.  She said something that made me think and reminded me of a post I read recently on Black’s Jewels (On a side note I love William’s stuff you should check him out).  She said she doesn’t come see my boys because she cannot stand to look at my fiancé.  I said how about you just take them to the park (there’s a park a block away from our house).  She said she really can’t stand to give him the break.  I have a feeling that might be part of the reason my Dad doesn’t come over much either. 

I know I need to do something I feel so trapped, without my fiance I have no child care.  Right before my job interview Sunday night we started fighting.  He is really sure that he does enough housework.  I was not able to have him make a plan as I was on a tight schedule.  Maybe we can work on it tonight.  Also the income thing, he says he was not clear that it was so dire.  I asked him what else do I have to say?  I’ve been telling him our bills exceed my income for months and that we need more income to make it.  How much more clear can I be?  I asked if he needs me to nag constantly and yell.  He of course didn’t like that a bit, I think.

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8 Responses to “Wrecking shop like an addiction…..”

  1. William November 7, 2011 at 7:50 pm #

    I don’t know what is going on in your life enough to give advice but I can give my opinion. Sometimes the people around you can see what you can’t. Your fiance made not be a bad guy, just a bad guy for you. Everyone is not right for everybody. And if you get with a person that is not on your level, only 2 things are possible. They either step up to yours, or you fall down to theirs. Although you may not think you can work it out if you are single, when you are forced to, you will find a way.

    • sexuallifeofawife November 7, 2011 at 10:33 pm #

      God, you’re gonna be so exhausted and even more pissed off with your Fiance when you start this new job aswell… You were so up beat before.
      When you got back together with your Fiance this time round, I remember you said in one of your posts that you promised to tell him if things got bad (enough to be thinking of leaving) again. This seems bad enough with the lack of support etc Have you told him how seriously you feel put upon – carrying so much on your shoulders?

      • terriblytorn13 November 8, 2011 at 10:35 am #

        Sophia it will be trying but it will also be good exercise. Thank you for your nice note.
        I have not gotten to deliver my message to my fiance in a civil manner. I pretty much yelled it at him while we were fighting. I know a message delivered in anger doesn’t get the respect a request discussed in a civil conversion gets so I suppose I have not done my job.
        I am getting things in order so when we talk it will be easier to see what we need and try to work out a plan. Finaly I have pencil to paper and the house fairly in order. On the upside the day after our tiff he had tidied up the house fairly well.

    • terriblytorn13 November 8, 2011 at 8:17 am #

      William your opinion is welcomed and seems to be right on the money. Maybe that’s why it’s been so hard for me to make the changes I think I need, though we are an unbalanced match he is not a bad person. I feel like I’ve tried to help him step up to “my level” but when it doesn’t work I slip down to his.

      By the way since your posts are not of a directly personal nature I’ve been curious what is inspiring your posts.
      Everyone shares differently, however I just wanted to let you know you’ve caught my inerest.

      Thank you

  2. 2Passion November 9, 2011 at 2:53 pm #

    Hey lady. Ok– some fatherly advice.

    Like William, I don’t know your whole situation but it seems that Fiance is just there for a free ride. You take another job. He has none. If he does not bring anything into the relationship financially or emotionally, why stay? I would think you could get child care somewhere without him in the picture. Dare I say it??? Move back with the parents? Pay them something to stay there. Work with them on child care. Get on your feet. Clear your mind.

    Sorry– but this guy seems like a loser. (My readers probably think I am too!!!)

    And– your long distance lover is probably just in it for the sex. Don’t look to him for answers. He ain’t going anywhere. (See my blog and AOW’s)

    Hope you can work through it all!!! This stuff is hard!!

    • terriblytorn13 November 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm #

      Thank you for your comment!

      The free ride thing is entirely possible, we have been together 15 years and I carry him every time we fall. I feel as though it’s my fault by letting it be the norm for us. That he doesn’t feel the need to be strong and take care of things. This time it’s different he had had knee surgery about a year ago and he claims the pain from it makes him unable to work. I am leery of this and very worried about his consumption of pain meds. I have a lot of guilt, it feels like my fault.

      I my father would be happy to have me, my mother and my step dad not so much. However, my father is in a bad way financially and lives in a retirement community. He might be my childcare if it comes down to it as he has no job and is perusing disability himself.

      As for my long distance lover, I might be in it for the sex and attention too. I’m starting to come to terms that there is probably never a time where we can be together (almost come to terms). He is so taken by me and gets me so horny, it really makes me feel good. The dream that he would be a partner if we could ever be together is a nice fantasy, but he does like to move and maybe…..shit, there I go again!

  3. The Hook November 10, 2011 at 7:12 am #

    I’m not going to add to the cyber-dogpile you’ve got on top of you right now, but you know what you have to do. Your happiness and welfare – and that of your kids – HAS to come first.

    • terriblytorn13 November 10, 2011 at 10:08 am #

      Your comments are always welcome, cyber dog pile or not. Either way I’m asking for feedback here and no matter how many people voice their opinion or give me advice I am happy to read it.
      I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I’m just trying to keep the worse to a minimum.

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