Caffeinate and conquer……

4 Nov

I started off full sprint.  I should have known I couldn’t keep momentum especially without a support network.  There is just so much to do, I hate to say it but I’m a little overwhelmed. 

I lost my drive quick and fell into a funk that has held me down like quicksand.  I would get home to a mess.  I’d play with my boys then do bed time.  Then at nine or ten at night I would lie on my bed and read a blog or check Facebook for a few minutes.  I know that I should pop back up and get to work on the housework or take out the dogs but I didn’t. I know I needed to talk with my fiancé about all the issues but it felt so much better to just sit on the couch while he sits in his chair and stare into the TV making a comment or two about the show until I fall asleep. 

Since I’ve been slacking it didn’t seem like the right time to try to set clear goals and expectations with my fiancé (it’s never the right time, right?).  I would just sink in the couch and watch the tube. Most nights I’d fall a sleep in the first few minutes of the show.  He is totally annoyed by my sleeping.  Waking up early to get stuff done wasn’t working either.  When I get depressed I sleep more and eat poorly. 

I got a bonus from work.  Took the family out for dinner.  Paid up almost all of my bills.  Had a couple of drinks out at the bar during Halloween weekend.  Well somehow I miss calculated.  I over drew my account by $200! I’ve never goofed up my account this bad.  It’s going to be fine, lights are on, pull ups in the cupbord and plenty of food in the house however it’s embarrassing and just another sign of how bad I’m failing. 

My fiancé and I are back to being catty.  He’s yelling the boys are consoling me.  I’m tearing up at work.  All this makes me withdraw.  I don’t want to tell anyone, I don’t want to ask for help.  I guess I just need to pull my ass out of this shit and get to work.  I’ve never been one to drink a Rockstar or Caffeinate to get shit done but maybe it’s time to try.  Millions of people can’t be wrong, right?



6 Responses to “Caffeinate and conquer……”

  1. sexuallifeofawife November 4, 2011 at 11:28 pm #

    (I use 85% dark chocolate) lol

    • terriblytorn13 November 5, 2011 at 7:26 am #

      Sounds better to me. I don’t drink energy drinks, I just need to think of something to help. I tried a diet pill that was loaded with caffeine and still went right to sleep

  2. The Hook November 10, 2011 at 7:22 am #

    Great image! Very appropriate!

  3. mzklever November 12, 2011 at 5:43 am #

    Perhaps it’s time to think about why you’re really with your fiance? Does he make you a better person? Having someone belittle you in front of your children isn’t healthy for them. Even if you can’t escape for yourself, maybe you could escape for them.

    • terriblytorn13 November 13, 2011 at 9:07 am #

      It’s not constant, I tend to write only about the experiences that stick out. It does however happen more often than it should. I stay for a bunch of different reasons, maybe that’s a good post. I think that even though we’ve never exchanged vows I stay because of a promise, because of our kids and that it could be worse. I’m not sure if it makes much sense expecialy with my affair.

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