What’s my age again….

4 Nov

My long distance lover, oh how I miss him.  We hardly talk now.  It’s my fault, I asked for this.  I start to wonder if he is getting board with me, if he pines for me like I pine for him?  Sometimes I feel like I over text him.  Send him too many photos.  He never says it’s a problem, he never pushes me away.  Just when I think I’m a total fool he sends me a really nice message telling me how much he loves me and I’m just awash with those fluttery feelings that only love can give you. 

I got a weird feeling this morning I started to feel like we would never see each other again.  It seems crazy now.  We’ve talked today he tells me about his life.  Him and his wife are planning a trip to the same city that he and I had our second meeting in.  He said how weird it will be.  I will only be an hour’s drive away.  It’s going to be sad that I can’t come see him. 

I wish we had a good hour to talk.  Part of me wants to ask does he still think that anything could happen that five years from now it could all be different and we could be together.  The rest of me knows that’s stupid and childish.  I want to ask him how will he feel if my fiancé I and I break up and someone wants to date me.  Most of all I want to know when I can see him again. Maybe I’ll find the right time to ask. 

He has asked me to write him something.  He asked for a short story but I am more comfortable with poetry.  I used to write poetry as a teenager and a little bit in my early twenties.  Most of it, well practily all of it was very bad.  Some of it hurt to read.  I’ll keep it anyway but wow, bad stuff.  So I’ve started to write him a poem.  I’m tossing around how I will deliver it to him.  I have most of it done but the last line, it’s killing me.     

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