Like nothing happened…..

24 Oct

The next day I got up and cooked breakfast for the family. The fiancé and I were cordial.  I was taking the boys to the beach and invited him to come along.  To my relief he declined.  The boys and I had a great time.  Sand castles, climbing, picnic lunch.  They told me how much they missed me.  A perfect day.  I saw all the other families with two parents, making me wish I had a partner who I could have a nice time with.  

We left and stopped in for some taffy and they did so well.  I got away from the coastal bluffs and saw a sign for a market that said chowder tasting.  We went in and sampled.  I see I have a signal now and have a message.  My fiancé called.  In a sad voice he says he hopes we are having a nice time, that he loves me and can’t wait to see us.  I try to call him to tell him I’m brining home chowder and crab mac and cheese but I have to leave a message. 

At home it was back to nice, nice.  I felt drained and didn’t do all the housework that was needed.  After getting the boys in bed I took the dogs for a walk. Tom and I talked for maybe 15 minutes while I was out with the muts.  He was out with his friends and seemed a bit distracted. 

It feels so weird to just melt back into the same when I know the same doesn’t satisfy me, but it was easy.  That night my fiancé stayed up late doing laundry (he doesn’t do laundry).  My son needed clean pants for pre-school the next day and he was up late taking care of it.  I guess it’s a step in the right direction.

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4 Responses to “Like nothing happened…..”

  1. f#@*knows October 25, 2011 at 1:33 am #

    I just read your most recent posts and I feel for you so much!

    I see lots of similarities in our situations albeit I am slightly further down the line…. yet still struggling with the same issues!!

    After my “talk” a few weeks ago I have let things gloss over again and I am now noticing that if we are to sort anything I need to voice my inner feelings more, it will be hard but I am wasting more than just my life with this constant pretence.

    Thinking of you and your situation x

    • terriblytorn13 October 25, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

      Thank you for reading and posting. When reading your posts my heart goes out to you as well. I feel like we are going through a similar cycle of wanting change but not sure if it’s the right decision for the family.
      I’m always wondering if breaking up the family will be something that I regret. I find myself avoiding bringing up the subject of change. I know I need to make a plan with a time line to try to make things better but starting that conversation is been amazingly difficult.

  2. The Hook November 3, 2011 at 8:03 am #

    The right direction, or the easiest direction? I feel for you, young lady.

    • terriblytorn13 November 3, 2011 at 6:13 pm #

      I’m thinking easiest direction. It’s so east to just fall back in the same pattern even though I know a some big changes are in order.

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