WTF….

29 Sep

My morning started out normal enough I made some oatmeal for the family. As I was making lattes for my fiancé and I he seasoned the oatmeal and served it to the boys. I was bringing sprinkles for the boys to put on the oatmeal as my oldest asked for cinnamon in his. My fiancé said he already added some so I went to the stove to serve myself. It smelled like Indian food, weird right? I put my nose into my bowl of oatmeal and that was it. My fiancé added cumin instead of cinnamon. He took a bite before I could spit out the words. He said he couldn’t get the cumin taste out of his mouth …*giggle*. I made another batch and was now running late.

At work for the most part things are good. I’m the department lead. We are making record profits and when my manager moves on I pretty much have his job in the bag. At the end of the day my manager is having a strange conversation in his office. One of our top clients is bitching about how I delivered a final decision on their account. My manager bends to her request even though his boss had said not to. I had the authority to make the call but it wad an unreasonable request. We got in a long talk about how he learned to deal with these blow hards. He says not to wory about it but how can he expect them to respect my decisions if the can just push him around and get what they want. Needless to say I went home a little frustrated.

I was feeling sick and had a headache at the end of the day. It could have been that I’d had just some cheese and crackers for lunch and I was getting crampy from the time of the month. I get home and say hello to everyone. I ho into the kitchen where my fiancé is cooking dome stir fry and right before I reach him my stomach turns and cramps and I get a horrible look on my face from the discomfort. I say I feel sick. He the yells at me telling me that shouldn’t be the first thing I say to him. I’m instantly pissed. I tell him I said hello daddy as I was came in the house. That I truly feel sick and that’s the first thing he says to me every morning for months now. I’m crying now and go sit with my boys and space out as they watch sesame street. He calls us in for dinner and snaps at me because I only have a tiny bit of food on my plate. I say again I feel sick and he starts in on me again. He calls me a cunt at the dinner table in front of my boys. I politely ask him not to say such words in front of them. At that point he yells at me gor being 15 minutes late and I told him I was talking to my boss about a problem account. He says you lied in your text about just leaving the office. I try to explain and he yells what else do you lie about. What are you doing with your phone all the time. My 4 year old leans over and say do you remember how much fun we had at the fair without Daddy. He gets pissed saying how we’d lile it if he wasn’t around. My oldest said I was just trying to tell mommy a secret. The boys and I are done eating and i’m trying to think of where we can go when my fiancé says he’s leaving. It’s good for me. As he takes off on his beach cruiser I pray for a car to hit him or a freak lightning storm to take him out. When he’s gone the boys and I do puzzles together. I’m trying not to cry but I keep leaking a little. My two year old brings me a beer saying here you go mama have a beer. I have him put it back but thank him. My oldest tells me how he doesn’t like it when we fight. He says he saw my tears and and it makes him sad and gave me a hug. He asks when will you feel like your self again. I finally cheer up and we pick up and do bedtime stories.

My fiancé returns home and I take my muts out for a walk. Tom is already in bed with his wife 700 fucking miles away and I feel defeated I’m broke, I’ve got two great kids with an asshole that I don’t have the guts to stand up to and I need to grow a dick to get ahead at work. What the fuck!!!!

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7 Responses to “WTF….”

  1. sexuallifeofawife September 29, 2011 at 11:06 am #

    Your fiance sounds like a real dick in the above… sorry – this probably isn’t very helpful. x

    • terriblytorn13 September 29, 2011 at 11:38 am #

      It’s OK. I don’t tell anyone all the details because I don’t want to make it hard to take him over to my familys house for dinner or just be an out and out bummer. I’m starting to forget if he was ever consistantly nice. Maybe it’s just the meds and the stress. He’s always had control and anger issues though. I think now that I feel truely stuck because of the kids and that I can’t blind myself with partys and getting fucked up that it bothers me so now.

      I’m starting to think my affair is a way to end it without having to do anything other than waiting for him to find out. Waiting for me to slip up……like maybe talking a business trip that doesn’t fly me home until Saturday.

  2. The Hook October 9, 2011 at 11:28 am #

    I know how you feel, young woman. Life is quite the ride sometimes. right?

  3. wrongedandrighted February 29, 2012 at 4:10 am #

    TT,

    Do you think he might be trying to knock you down because he sees that you are outgrowing him and the luster of being a perpetual teenager has worn off for you? It sounds like you have three kids, not two.

    • terriblytorn13 February 29, 2012 at 10:35 am #

      That would make the most sense. His family didn’t really teach him much of a skill set for dealing with anger or frustration. Honestly if I could afford it I would still act like a teenager but I don’t have the disposable income to do it and still take good care of my family. Yes, I’ve started to think of him as a step-kid that I don’t like.

      • wrongedandrighted February 29, 2012 at 4:49 pm #

        I wasn’t really talking about the money = partying aspect, if I could trot the globe and live the lifestyle I would, lol. But he is living like a teen to a certain extent. You are the responsible one and, I think you said, he gets to do all the “fun” stuff regarding daily living, that is hardly fair and far easier than worrying about having money to cover the bills.
        Think about this and I am not trying to be a dick, but if you are together for the next ten years and things don’t change, your boys and the fiance are going to be on an equal playing field in a lot of regards. They will all have chores, they will all look to you for financial support and invariably they will all complain at some point about how unfair you are being to them.
        I hope he changes for your sake TT, you need the help or you need a change.

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