Fake it untill you make it….

8 Sep

He said he was sorry. He told me the meds aren’t working. The pain in his knee is still horrible, the skin on his thighs hurt and no one can explain why, his back is killing him and he wakes up with headaches every day. He has run out of pain meds and they won’t refill him for 10 days. I tried to be romantic, gave him kisses and look at him. After we were done I gave him a kiss and went right to sleep. The next night I made efforts to be nice and sweet. We had relations again that night. Maybe I can work back to a place where he turns me on but right now it’s a duty more than a desire. I made a promise that I would love him forever, we’ve broken up and gotten back together. I feel like the last time we broke up I did the leaving and I did the coming back. If I could have just stayed away we would not have been in this mess. So maybe there is something worth saving it’s just so hard to see right now that I’m just running on auto pilot with the hope that things will get better. The kids love him so. Even with no income he does help out by taking care of the kids and cooking dinner other than that he doesn’t help much and it wears on me.

I feel guilty about Tom. If we met 5 years ago we would be together. So many miles away and so different from my fiancé Tom still turns me on. I keep thinking I’ll try to talk to him less and then we are on the phone and I don’t want to let him go. We had talked about meeting up in a town about equal distance from our homes. I was going to take a big risk and meet him for the weekend. His friends band was playing and Hank 3 was playing the next night. It is going to be a lot of fun. I called him and before I was going to tell him I couldn’t make it he said that his wife heard about the Hank 3 show and wants to go. He told me he was going to try to have her not go. I let him know not to worry I won’t be able to come. I thought it was sweet he would try to keep his wife at home just to spend time with me. I still want to see him. Who knows what the future holds. I know we will never forget about each other.



4 Responses to “Fake it untill you make it….”

  1. lostinthearmsofdestiny September 8, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

    This reminds me of my ex.
    I’m a hopeless romantic :/

    I’m Marie. Check out and follow my blog.

    • terriblytorn13 September 8, 2011 at 7:12 pm #

      Your conment makes me think of a song my love and I were talking about it’s by The Bouncing Souls called hopless romantic. Yhe lyrics go…..I’m a hopless romantic / You’re just hopless.
      I’ll have to check out your blog Marie

  2. lostinthearmsofdestiny September 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm #

    Thanks for checking out my blog 🙂

    I listen to the song and I really liked it.
    I can see how it reminded you of my comment 🙂

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