What’s up buttercup?…..

5 Sep

I thought I was on the right track.  I thinking I’ll talk to Tom a little less.  Try not to be touching my phone constantly looking for his next message to me.  I planned to go home and have some wine and be nice to my fiancé.  Maybe even try to be romantic, getting a little tipsy always helps, right?  My night started off well.  I got home from work and my fiancé was BBQ’ing some ribs and potatoes.  I had some wine he had some too.  We were talking in the back yard having a puff or two.  I started in on myself, about how I need to do more.  My backyard is a mess, my garage has a pool table dartboard and video games and is so cluttered we cannot play anything, various areas of my house desperately need some organizing.  As I’m stressing about all I have to do he’s trying to comfort me.  How we have nice things, we own our home and the house is clean just needs some organizing.  After a nice dinner, I start to clean up the kitchen.  The kids and my fiancé are watching a movie.  I have not gotten to spend any time with the kids so I sit down and cuddle up with my oldest.  My youngest then hops on my lap.  We are talking about the movie and I get a text from Tom.  He is letting me know he’s going to bed early and won’t be able to talk.  I send him a quick goodnight.  We are watching the movie all warm and cozy and I doze off.  I know it doesn’t seem like much but it makes my fiancé so mad.  The kids are up about an hour and a half past bedtime.  After the movie, I’m getting them put to bed and I’m groggy.  I say no story tonight because we stayed up extra late to watch the movie.  The kids are OK with this.  Then as we are singing to them (we sing to them every night) my fiancé says they have not brushed their teeth.  I say they can do it tomorrow they are already in bed.  He then digs at me for being lax on my parenting.  I get their teeth brushed.  I help my 2 year old but let my 4 1/2 year old brush without my help.  My fiancé comes in to check on us.  Making sure I’m doing the brushing.  I let him know the oldest is doing a fine job on his own.  He starts makes a few other rude comments that make me not even want to look at him.  Instead of trying to wake myself up and hang out with him, I just crawl into bed.  I’m a heavy sleeper, he is not.  He often complains that if I’m cooking or cleaning in the kitchen I make too much noise for him to sleep.  So as I’m lying down I hear banging and smashing going on in the kitchen.  It is way beyond a by accident situation.  Then stomping along with the banging.  I do what I’m best at.  Ignore it and go to sleep.  I doze off and wake up I’m guessing shortly after because my fiancé has turned on all the lights.  He’s being kinda nice all of a sudden.  We talk about watching a show.  He puts on a show I missed that he had already seen to pass the time until the new show comes on.  I fall asleep again.  He doesn’t wake me this time. 

This morning I’m thinking maybe if we do it, he’ll be a little nicer.  Plus I wake up thinking of Tom and it makes me horny.  I know fucked up.  Before he can even answer I hear my youngest rustling around in the kitchen.  I get up and help him.  He needs to go potty.  Both the kids are up now and I take them into bed and we cuddle for a bit.  My fiancé doesn’t acknowledge us at all.  We go off to have some breakfast the boys want cereal.  So as they eat I’m cleaning.  All that noise last night was just my fiancé piling things into the skink not actually cleaning.  I then see Tom has played scrabble with me so I send a few words and then think about eating myself.  My fiancé is now up and cooking something.  The boys are asking to go cuddle again.  I tell them I will.  I send off one more scrabble word and go to hook up my phone to the CPU to download all the pictures I have.  I have to install the program to import the pictures.  While I’m fiddling with this stuff the boys run into our bedroom.  My fiancé starts yelling at me that I told them I would cuddle but I’m too busy with my phone.  I start to explain what I’m doing and he just barks that I’m not doing what I said I would do.  Then I say I’m hungry boys I want to eat something.  My fiancé barks at me again that I’m not attending to the boys.  So I ditch my breakfast.  Send a quick message to Tom wishing him a good morning and that I love him and then go cuddle with the boys.  As I pass my fiancé, he starts bitching at me.  Calling me names.  Telling me I’m a bad parent.  I ask how much he really engages the boys or just throws out toys or crayons and goes back to whatever he was watching or fucking with on his phone.  He claims he does engage them but he has given no details.  I shut the door and just enjoy the boys.  After we cuddle for a while, I tell them time to go play.  Send them out to the front where my fiancé is and I start folding laundry and putting it away.  I do another load.  Run the dishwasher and hop in the shower.  I have to be at work in 30 minutes.  On my way to work I’m just beside myself I just picture myself driving all the way to Tom and getting a big hug from him.  It’s so not possible he lives 12 hrs away, but it just sounds so good.  When I get to the office, I’m alone for a minute and there is a ton of work.  As my computer fires up I check my phone and see a message from Tom.  The messages go like this:

Me:  Hope you have a nice morning…..love you.

Tom: You don’t sound like your normal cheerful self.  You OK?

Me: I can’t believe you can tell….I’ll be OK

Tom: What’s up buttercup?

Tom: Couldn’t you tell if I was unhappy?

Me: Yes…It just wasn’t much of a message….I’m surprised you noticed with so little info….Thank you

Tom:  I love you Kelli.  It’s my job to pick up what you’re puttin down.

So that’s where I’m at.  Working my ass off.  Wishing I was someplace else.  Trying not to let my co-workers see me tear up.  Thinking I’m gonna fuck off after work.  It’s a short day being a holiday and all.  My fiancé doesn’t know.  My co-worker that is on with me today is just about my closest friend.  She knows what a dick my Fiancé is and she knows who Tom is but not the extent of our relationship.  Since she has dinner at my house and hangs out with my fiancé so I don’t want to burden her with the secret.  We might go get a drink together.  I hope I can keep my mouth shut and my eyes dry.

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3 Responses to “What’s up buttercup?…..”

  1. sexuallifeofawife September 5, 2011 at 11:38 pm #

    Your financé sounds like he can be a bit nasty. Do you talk back at him or just let him rant?

    • terriblytorn13 September 6, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

      I am no angel. I do come back at him. I like to think I try to keep the conversation civil. When he starts in on me when I’m asleep I’m even not so sure what I’ve said because I’m still partly asleep. I don’t start calling names. Once he starts calling me a c*nt I start to loose it. I used to just leave and go for a hike or a drive. With the kids, I can’t just leave. I don’t know if it’s the meds or the depression that makes him so nasty. I just can’t believe he can be so mean to me when he has what many people would love to have. Our budget is tight but he is a stay at home parent! Because of his bad back, bad knee, headaches and sore legs he has to do hardly any housework too. I guess I feel used and disrespected. Everything I earn goes to the household, he buys guitars and amps. My free time is spent at home when I go out (usually only for work events) it almost always causes a problem. I encourage him to go out and socialize.

  2. sexuallifeofawife September 7, 2011 at 1:44 am #

    I’ve found that when couples start to want to hurt each other (arguing, name calling etc) they have lost respect for each other and are on the route to splitting up. If there is some love there though – then there is hope. But if you ever want to make it work (and in your heart you might not anyway!) Your fiance has to want to aswell….

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