Sneeking it in……..

24 Aug

How horrible am I?  This morning I woke up thinking about my love.  Thinking of him makes me wet and horny.  My fiancé lay in bed snoring away.  I closed my eyes and thought of the time Tom and I spent together and started to touch myself.  Rubbing my clit.  Thinking about his touch, his kisses.  Thinking of his cock slipping into me as I finger myself.  After cumming I still wanted more.  My fiancé still resting on the other side of the bed I pulled out my vibrator.  I came again quietly thinking of my love as my household slept.  My relationship with my fiancé is so off that we have a wall of blankets and pillows between us.  We didn’t build it, it kind of formed on its own.  The point is it’s there and neither of us gets rid of it.  When I go to give him a kiss hello when I get home instead of a hug I put my hand on his chest.  He called me on it the other day.  When he brought my attention to it I realized it did feel like I was pushing him away as I gave him a little kiss.  I feel guilty hanging in there.  I look at him some times all pale and flabby and hairy and think how can I cuddle with him.  I wish things were better.  I wish I wanted to put in the work.  More importantly I wish he wanted to put in the work.  I keep thinking of how different Tom is.  How I want to press myself against his body.  How much I love to cuddle him.  How tight I hold him when we kiss.  The problem is I don’t know when we’ll kiss again.  I’ll just keep hanging I guess.  Using my fantasies to get me by untill something gives.

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One Response to “Sneeking it in……..”

  1. Mom24Butchers August 24, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

    Aw… hang in there torn. I wish I knew what toI tell you to make it better.
    I was lucky to spend a little time with my sweet tonight. We worked and talked. I wish so much he would just kiss me already. But then I know there is no turning back. I guess we just cherish the little bits we get.

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