Checking in……

Well hi there!

Pardon my disappearance.  Work has gotten progressively more demanding and the life of a single mom doesn’t give much spare time.  I’m happy to say Dick is still out on his own.  He has no job and no income but has managed to find a girlfriend with steady work.  He is getting food stamps and is pursuing disability.  Though I’m better off without him the fact he’s now trying to file for disability is a kick in the teeth as he wouldn’t do it for our family.  He’s blown up the car I gave him and lives 30 minutes away so he doesn’t see the boys as often as they would like. 

My work has been a struggle.  My co workers go from catty to sweet minute by minute.  There are several government agencies looking into our industry and as a result we are changing all the time.  Our dealer customers are more and more demanding every day and will use anything to get what they want.  I want out but I’m not sure how to make this kind of money with these hours and flexibility so I’m feeling stuck.  As the sole provider even a small pay cut could be very challenging. 

My sweet Tom can’t wait to be here to help me.  He is trapped in his home town.  His ex-wife (not current wife) has decided to ask the courts to re-look at their child support agreement.  He has never missed an agreed upon payment and has gone above and beyond to provide for his daughter however the child support agreement has not been set up through the court system and years ago they worked out a verbal change.  She is reneging and it’s turning out to be costly.  He does have very low cost legal representation.  His attorney is his current wife’s cousin.  These two things have him laying low and waiting before making a move. 

He is coming to visit in a week and a half.  Next week is my youngest sons 4th birthday and in June my parents, the kids and I are taking a family trip to Disney land!  There’s a lot to look forward to and plan for.  I’m excited and exhausted.  However I miss posting.  Only time will tell if I can get back into the grove of my little life documentation project.

Missed you guys!

I hope I can work on catching up on all the blogs I’ve missed.  Hope you are well out there in the world.

After work….

 Tom sat and watched what I do and chatted with me between deals.  We went to the older part of our downtown and strolled arround holding hands.  We chose a pub to have a bite and a couple of beers.  I told him about some of the local breweries that had offerings on tap. We stared at each other talking and stealing brief kisses as we enjoyed our pastry wrapped bangers and beer.  With a little tiny buzz we headed back to my house.  

It was later and my boys were in bed.  He introduced himself to my Dad and tried to strike up a conversation.  Dad was quicker than usual to leave.  I had hoped they would talk more but maybe Dad was just giving us time alone. 

Once alone we found ourselves in the bedroom quickly.  We made love and the aftermath included a couple of showers.  The timing of his visit and my visitor were bad.  After cleaning up we held each other tight until we could no longer keep our eyes open.  He set his alarm for about 4am so he could sneak out before the boys woke.  I love falling asleep with my head on his chest.  His arms wrapped arround me.  Waking together and kissing.  Making love before he had to leave.  Things were going very well and we were just getting started.  It was only Friday night (and early Saturday morning)  and he was staying in town until Monday morning.

Another great lunch with my love…..

He texts me and tells me to call him once I leave the building at 3pm. I spot his truck.  Sun visor in the window and he has it running with the air on.  He tells me I am to enter the truck from the rear passenger side.  Take off his pants and suck his cock.  I will do as he wishes untill 3:33 and only address him as Daddy. 

I do as I’m told.  I almost go to kiss him but I redirect my eyes to his belt.  Undoing the belt, then button.  He helps me by lifting himself off of the seat to pull away his clothes.  Once he is naked I bend over and take him into my mouth.  Sucking and licking him lightly at first then taking a firm grip of his hard cock and stroking it as I suck and lick harder.  One hand playing with his balls while I stroke his cock faster and faster with the other.  I slow down to look into his eyes and see the look of pleasure on his face.  He enjoys my efforts for a while before having me get on my knees in the back seat. 

His fingers enter me and he’s working them in and out.  Rubbing my clit gently at first.  Then he stops.  There is a minute where I don’t know what he’s doing and then something rounded hard and cool enters my waiting pussy.  He starts to fuck me with this rigid toy.  The lube is warm and feels good.  His fingers find their way to my arse.  He starts to work that tight hole a little at a time.  My ass in the air, I’m moaning as he’s working me hard both with the toy and two fingers.  I can feel it starting to rise in me.  I’m moaning and cumming loud.  I can feel my body clenching on the toy as my pussy squeezes it with my long intense orgasm.  When I’m spent he takes his fingers back and then goes to remove the toy and due to my clenched muscles it was harder to get out than expected.  Then shoves his cock inside my wet swollen pussy and fucks me hard.  Giving me every inch of his cock.  It feels so amazing.  I’m so happy giving myself to him.  Telling him fuck me harder Daddy.

When he’s done using me he instructs me to sit down and he holds me and kisses me tenderly.  Stroking my body, telling me how amazing it was for him.  Music is playing, we can’t stay away from each other.  Touching while we look into each others eyes while we talk, kissing between sentences.  He shows me the toy, the surprise he brought for me.  It’s a deep indigo glass dildo.  It has three glass bubbles on the handle.  The shaft curves up sharply to hit the G-spot and at the end is a glass ball.  It was a great gift.  He said he will use it on me again and then will leave it behind for me to play with while he’s gone again.

Our time was up.  I straightened up and hopped out of the truck.  My legs were weak.  The sun was bright.  I walked back into my office to finish the day of work.  Once my office cleared out Tom would join me and chat with me while I finished the late shift.  From there we would go out and get a bite and a beer.

The arrival…..

I had the best weekend I can remember.  Tom is now driving back to his state.  A ten hour drive, 653 miles he will drive it in one shot.  Just like he did when he came to see me.  He left work early Thursday.  He loaded up his truck with the things he would need to help me and stopped by to say good bye to his wife before leaving town.  I talked with him on my lunch break until he lost signal. 

He said he should make it to town between midnight and one am.  When I got home I got busy.  Mopping, tidying up, getting the patio ready…I was getting things close to how I wanted them to be when my love arrived.  At 11 o’clock was just taking a break to prepare myself for his arrival a little orgasm to take the edge off my nerves and freshen up some.  

My phone had frozen up so I turned it off and pant’s off in my bedroom I turned it back on.  This new phone boots up quick.  Instantly I see I have a picture message.  It’s my house numbers.  I call him.  Stuttering ,”How did you get here so fast? oh my god I’m not ready.”.  I’m putting on pants as I’m walking to the door.  I let my dogs out first so they don’t wake the children as they get to know him. 

They seem unphased by him.  I grab him seconds after they sniff him and we hold each other tight kissing passionately.  I take him into the house.  I can’t remember if I gave him a tour.  I know we ended up in the bedroom.  I had not yet made the bed.  It didn’t matter we locked the door and kissed like teenagers.  So happy to be together again.  I started to undo his belt, his pants…he stood up and took them off.  I took off everything.  We pressed against each other savoring the skin to skin contact we’d been longing for.  I slid down and started to lick him and kiss him.  Finally taking him into my mouth giving him a very attentive blow job.  I’m paying attention to the details.  Caressing his balls as I suck him deeply, creating a rhythm with my hand and mouth.  Keeping as much suction as I can.  Taking him deep and cramming his cock against the back of my throat.  Letting him trust up as much as he would like into my waiting mouth while he grips a fist full of my hair.  I’m so wet.  I hear what I’ve been waiting for the change in his breathing.  He says,” Oh, fuck yeah baby I’m cumming. I’m cumming.”. I feel him starting to ease off thrusting and then my mouth is filled with his seed.  I suck and lick and keep him moaning for as long as I can.  He never gets soft.  He’s still ready to fuck me. 

I lay next to him and I feel euphoric too.  We are both just enjoying the afterglow of an amazing blow job.  It’s the first time he’s cum in my mouth from head alone and I’m loving it.  He is still hard.  I am still horny.  After a little rest we’re kissing and touching again.  He’s rubbing my pussy and I’m so wet.  His fingers feel amazing.  He gets between my legs and starts rubbing me with the head of his cock.  He’s driving me madd and then he suddenly slides into me all the way making me gasp.  He’s fucking me slowly and deep.  It feels amazing.  Something I’ve been waiting for so long.  The rhythm gets faster, my legs are up on his shoulders and I’m squeezing my thighs together and he’s getting that look.  I swear I feel his cock swell before he says he’s cumming again.  When he’s to the point he can no longer thrust I use my legs to pull up against his dick.  The pressure causing him to moan each time I pull up.  We lay together for a short while before showering up and dressing again.

Since the boys are home he cannot stay with me.  We cuddle for a few minutes but he is sleepy from the 10 hour drive to my home.  His hotel will not be ready until the next day at 2pm so I give him a blanket and a pillow and he says he will sleep in his truck.  He will stay by my office so I can see  him before work and at lunch.  I’ll be working late the next day and he has plans for us.  I see him out and go to sleep so excited for tomorrow.

Doin’ stuff and getting stuff….

I’ve gotten a lot done recently.  I put in a lawn, cleaned my car, straightened up and organized most of my house.  Got my hair cut. Yesterday alone I went to court and got the restraining order against Dick adjusted to make it easy to go to events for the children and allow him to use my home to see them when the rain comes.  It will be in place for three years.  I went to the doctor and with a little fight and two appointments I got an IUD.  I purchased needed clothing for my growing five year old, gassed up the car and got some wine that was on a great sale.  I went to the bank and got money for my fathers space rent and got a secured card to start to rebuild my credit after the bankrupcy.  After all that I made a delicious dinner did some laundry and cleaned the house a bit.  Staying busy is great now if I can incorporate some sociableness into this I will be one happy girl.

Tom has insisted on taking care of me.  He sent me a sprinkler and a timer that has made my life much easier.  When I found out my phone company was not replacing my phone for free he insisted on buying me a new one.  I felt very guilty about this.  However he is very sure he wants to do this for me and he explained that the smart phone kept our contact on a much more fun and convenient level.  He said he was willing to spend up to $600!!!  Yeah freaked me out too.  I was able to convince my phone company to let me upgrade early and give me an upgrade price for my new top of the line phone.  It only cost $200 it’s still more of a gift then I think I’ve ever taken from someone who is not blood and I think it cost more than my engagement ring.

After that last post taking such a kind gift felt really bad at first but he reminded me I picked up the hotel for our first meeting and our meeting in Sac.  When his funds fell short and we could have found ourselves having lunch at Subway I made sure we went someplace we would both really enjoy.  My thinking was that we had so little time together that I wanted to make everything as nice as possible and Subway is usually my last resort.  So I am excited to say I’ll be connected again soon!  Having no internet access at home sucks.

(Un)reasonable doubt……

This feels weird to write but it’s how I feel. My love, this wonderful man who loves me dearly and is going to move 700 miles to date me I am feeling unsure about our future. It might just be due to the turmoil I’m going through. I look forward to the fun we will have, the experiences we will share and the life we can build together with both of us working hard. Something in me is loosing the enthusiasm I once had. It might just be my own lack of confidence. Things have changed, some days I’m not sure if I’m wanting to talk.  Some times I feel pulled away from cleaning and days where I’m with my family and I don’t talk to him I get the feeling he is getting upset because I’m not making time for him.  However that might just be in my head from how I was trained to be with Dick.

He is starting to make little moves in his own life towards leaving his wife, his state and his job.  Cleaning out old things, paying off debt, having talks with his wife.  It is making it all more real.  We talked that we would date.  That I should date other men and he should date women.  His dating he has put into the less important category because he has been single as an adult he has dated and he says he knows what he wants and that is me.  Where I have no real experience, I need to squelch any what if’s and see if there is a better match.  I worry what if there is or worse what if there is a superficial match and I don’t see the douche in them.  Above all what if he changes his whole life to be with me and it doesn’t happen. 

Tom went on a romantic get away with his wife.  It was more of an attempt to see if there was a spark as they both have talked about feeling like good friends not husband and wife.  He said that they did do a bit of kissing at the start but there was virtually nothing else.  She didn’t try to cuddle up to him, hold his hand or initiate anything sexual.  It was her time of the month but there are other ways to be intimate with your husband and he said there was not so much as a hand in his lap.  He called me most of the trip.  Telling me how much he loves me and misses me.  I was cleaning one night with my Dad and was not near my phone and he called maybe three times and by the last call he sounded pretty disappointed that I had not answered.  I am even feeling that he’s needing much more attention than he has ever required even outside of this trip.  That is probably normal and the effects of the risks and changes he is taking. 

I wonder if all this stems from me starting a relationship at the wrong time.  He could really be what I’ve thought for the last year or so…..the best thing that ever happened to me.  I still wonder if my attachment came from having such a horrible situation.  Or maybe that I’m afraid of loneliness and not finding anyone else.  We are very different but a lot of the same.  With that said he is very different from Dick.  There will be no crazy tweekers, no douchey idiots that we hang out with and party, no doing coke together and he probably will not get along with a lot of the acquaintances that I probably need to get rid of anyway.  Those things are kinda scary.

These feelings come and go.  In fact since I started writing this Monday they have gone away again and I’m super excited to see him and eventually date him and possibly live the rest of my life with him.  I hope this is all normal and not just a away that my subconscious is warning me.  Only time will tell.  After I get a new life in order with Dick as a co-parent instead of someone I have to worry about every interaction I think things will start to level off.

Progress….

I’m feeling stronger.  More sure of myself.  Less skittish of when Dick will pop up.  What he will demand.  How he will act arround the children.  I am getting my home organized one part at a time.  I have started putting some of his stuff in our old grow room.  I let the housework slide this weekend because I was busy in the yard.  My Mom, Dad, Step-Dad and I put in grass!  I am now on a strict watering schedule and determined to keep my sod alive.  My poor puppies are locked into a small space while it sets into the ground. I chose not to install sprinklers and got one that hooks to the hose and sprays up and over, you know the one.  Well my yard is like a hallway 12 feet by 50 feet of grass so when I get it long enough it goes to wide.  I tried to Okie engineer it with duct tape, taping off a few of the jets but still too wide.  I am telling Tom about the problem and within and hour he is texting me he found one where you can turn off several jets and have it go 13 ft by 60 ft and he got a timer that hooks to the hose. He told me to shut my mouth and he has already bought it and is sending it to me.

My parents are doing a great job taking care of the child care situation.  My Dad has had a few doctors appointments on the days I need him and so far I’ve been able to adjust my work schedule to fit with his needs.  I need a third person that I can ask to watch the boys for a work day but I’m not sure who that is just yet.  I will try to get together with a friend Thursday who’s a stay at home Mom and discuss how she feels about hanging with the boys.  Her daughter goes to kindergarten too so it might be tough with afterschool pick ups.  However I could probably get my little guy on my lunch. 

My home is getting more organized, I’m starting to fill my grow room with Dick’s stuff.  I have let my diet go.  Late night munching and eating too much comfort food is showing and I’m back up quite a few pounds.  I’m doing a very basic workout routine starting Monday (two days! woo hoo) but it’s a start.  I am filling my house with healthier foods and will be trying to get out and hike more with the boys as I get my shit together at home.